A Second Chance

I'm so sorry

After Jessica's appointment Jane and her mother took her to lunch.

"Jessie, you okay?"

"Yeah.. It's just..

Seeing him... I don't know.

It's hard."

"Baby, I can't imagine. I don't even know what to say to comfort you.. I can't imagine what you must go through every single day."

Jessica looks at her mother with tearful eyes.

"It's hard.

Seeing and feeling him move is the greatest feeling in the world.. But the fact that Sam isn't here with me to feel him.. It makes me feel guilty.. It makes me feel sad, and it makes me mad.

You know I believe that everything happens for a reason, and God wouldn't give me this if I couldn't handle it, but sometimes I'm mad at him...

Sometimes in really pissed at him.

Why would he take him away from me? Sam was this young, fun loving guy.. He never did anything to hurt someone else. He was the best person on this planet.. Why did he have to die?" Jessica's voice grows deep with anger.

"Why am I left here alone?"

"You're not alone, baby! You have us, and you have your boys that love you."

"I know mom, but I am alone!

Sam and I did everything together! Everything!

I loved him so much. He was my entire world..

And now he's gone and it'll never be right again.

When I think of how I'll never see him again, it makes me sick to my stomach! I just like to think that he's on a business trip, or.. I don't know! Anywhere but where he is!" Tears pour down Jessica's face.

"And the boys.

They've been so great, but I know it's hard on them too.

Especially on little Michael.  He's not a baby, I know that, but still...

And the twins.. He's gonna miss their graduation. 

One of the proudest moments in their life.. Their father is gonna miss.

Poor little Grayson won't even know his daddy." She looks down and softly rubs her belly.

"How am I supposed to have a baby without him?

He was always so great in the delivery room.  He could make me smile no matter how much pain I was in! He would look at me and say something.. Anything! And I would smile. I don't know how I'll do it without him."

"He will be with you, Jessie!"

Jessica wipes her face and sniffles.

"I hate being upset all the time.

A time that is supposed to be happy and celebrated, isn't supposed to be fill with tears and sadness. 

I worry all the time about if I'm making the baby sad.. If I'm hurting him... Today seeing him smile.. That was a good feeling, cause I've spend that last seven months thinking I was carrying a sad baby.  That smile was everything for me.

.. He looked so happy." Jessica says in a whisper while a small smile appeared on her face.

"He's the light at the end of this dark tunnel.. For me and the boys.