A Second Chance

Taking care of me

September 7th-26 weeks pregnant.

Jessica was cleaning the house while the boys were at school.

"You are just a little wiggle worm, aren't you?" Jessica stops what she's doing and looks down as she rest her hand on her stomach.

"Are you hungry? Are you telling mommy that it's lunch time?

*Giggles*

Let's see what we have here.." Jessica walks to the kitchen and opens the fridge.

"I really don't feel like cooking, but I guess I have to..

Tonight's pizza night, so at least I don't have to worry about dinner." She says as she hears a knock on the door.

"Who's that?" Jessica shuts the fridge door and goes over to see who's at the door.

"Hey mom!" She smiles.

"Hi baby! You look beautiful!"

"Aw thanks. I was cleaning, so I took a little rough." She chuckles.

"Oh not at all! I came over to see if you wanted to get lunch?"

"Oh sure! Let me just get dressed. Come in."

Jessica closes the door and says, "I was just about to make myself something, so I'm glad you came by! I don't feel like cooking."

"Hah! Where would you like to go?"

"Anything's good with me. I'll be back." She says walking up the stairs.

***

"So how are you feeling? How's the baby doing?"

"I feel great! The baby's good. He moves So much!"

"Does he?" Dorothy smiles.

"Yes! It's so cute!"

"Aw, that's great! How are the boys doing in school so far."

"So far they're all doing really good. The twins are loving senior life, and my baby's doing really well high school." She pouts.

"High school.. how?" Dorothy laughs.

"That's what I said! My baby is a freshman! I feel so old!"

"Hah! You're not old, Jessie."

"I know, but they make me feel that way!"

"Haha!

... You look good, Jessie.. I'm glad." She smiles.

"I feel good.

It's hard... Harder than I ever imagined.. But we're doing it... You know what next week is?"

"Yeah..."

"Eleven years." She smiles.

"Well really seventeen, but we've been married for eleven... You know, sometimes I forget that he's gone.. Just for a split second.  Like when I wake up.. sometimes I'll turn to the side to kiss him good morning.. Or just to smile at him, cause Sam used to watch me sleep if he woke up first.  He said I was cute and that I slept like a little bunny rabbit.  Whatever that meant.  *Chuckles*

Sometimes if the baby moves during the night, or starts to roll over, I reach over to grab his hand to put it on my belly. 

Yeah I'm doing okay, but.. Sometimes I sit down and think; Wow, I'm never gonna see him again.  I'll never touch him, kiss him, or make love to him ever again.  I don't know how I'm gonna live without him.
Financially.. We're okay.  The boys are helping out a lot, and with my job, we're doing okay. But without his love every single day... Without his sweet words..  The little things he'd tell me, or text me throughout the day.. Simple things he'd do for me like bringing me my coffe before he went to work, or making Saturday morning breakfast... It's those things.. How do I live without those things? How is that never coming back?" She says as a tear rolls down her cheek.