Stray Kids Ship Oneshots (BOOK 2 !)

139-Seungin: It's Not Your Fault

Title: It's Not Your Fault

Ship: Seungin

TW: mentions of suicide
//angstyyyyy

—

Jeongin hesitantly glanced into the room that once belonged to his best friend. The room was still filled with his things; his guitar, his Day6 posters, his dirty clothes, even his homework lay across the floor, unfinished. As if he planned to return home to finish it in the first place.

Jeongin's lip curled as he turned away. He fought his muscles, choosing not to cry in the presence of his best friend's family. His sister, older by a few years, and a beloved woman in all, sat quiet at the kitchen table with her laptop open in front of her. His parents looked distraught, but they shared no tears in his presence. They gave each other the same courtesy.

"Thank you, Jeongin." His mother spoke. "We're glad you were the one to tell us. The hospital called but, we were both working." She gave a shaky breath. "If there's anything you want of Seungmin's—anything at all, you can have it."

Jeongin glanced again. His eyes went to the guitar. He had seen Seungmin play it over and over again, but only in the comfort of his room. It never left the safety of his home, so he really only heard the older play it when he slept over on foggy weekends.

He looked back to Seungmin's parents. "You don't mind if I have his guitar?"

His mother gave a soft, warming smile. "It's yours."

It wasn't his. He wasn't sure he'd ever play it. He'd probably keep it in his room as a silly decoration, a memory of the boy he called his own home. He'd dust it off when needed, but it never be touched. He was too afraid of breaking it.

Jeongin stepped into the room, being hit the scent of Seungmin. He tried to ignore the way it made him feel, the way his eyes watered at the memory. He grabbed the case of the guitar and hauled it out. He gave a curt bow to Seungmin's parents and left before the tears came bowling over his waterline.

He swung the guitar onto his back and began his walk home. He tried to breath, tried not to cry, but the waterworks started against his will.

Seungmin was gone. He watched him go, and he was nothing to stop it. His best friend, who he had loved so dearly, was now gone so suddenly. He would never see his smile again, hear his laugh again. He would never walk hand-in-hand with him on the way to school and when no one was watching, he'd never kiss him again.

His fists clenched the straps of the guitar case.

If only he had been more observant, or had listened to the way Seungmin had been feeling down the past few months. If only he had reacted quicker, been swifter on his feet. God, if only he had grabbed Seungmin before he went tipping over the edge of bridge into oncoming traffic.

He could never wipe the sight from his mind.

—

  Jeongin stared at the lunch in front of him. His classmates rallied around him, talking and playing like high school kids did. He couldn't find it in himself to do anything. He had no appetite and no energy to talk or play with his classmates. He could barely even focus on anything around him. Everything felt so damp and dull. None of it was like before. It was like pulling the string of a knot, only to untie the entire thing in one go.

  "Jeongin?"

  Jeongin looked up to meet his senior's eyes. Chan stood with his own lunchbox in hand. His eyebrows dug into his face and his fingers fiddled on the bottom of his box.

  "Do you mind if I sit with you today?"

  Jeongin glanced around to find that none of his classmates were paying attention to the senior standing in their classroom. Chan had become such a familiar face in their grade when it came to Jeongin that no one batted an eye. "Sure."

  Chan took the empty seat next to him and began to unpack his box. He began to talk about something, but Jeongin was already zoning out again.

  "Jeongin." Chan snapped his fingers in front of the younger's face.

  Jeongin whipped to his head around to meet Chan's again. "What? What'd you say?"

  Chan was quiet for a moment. He took on a more serious face compared to the worried one he had before. "It's not your fault."

  "What?" Jeongin felt taken back by the sudden comment. It wasn't what he was expecting from Chan. He expected him to make a comment about his loss of appetite or quietness, not this.

  "It's not your fault."

  Jeongin took a moment to realize. Chan had known about Seungmin too. They were close too. "I know."

  "It's not your fault."

  Jeongin let out a sigh. "I. Know."

  "No." Chan reached a hand out, gently placing it against Jeongin's cheek. The warmth of his hand shocked his cold skin, but nothing that caused him to recoil back. "It's not your fault."

Jeongin stared into Chan's eyes. The cold ran through his veins, the emotion flooding him quickly as he processed the words.

"It's not your fault."

Jeongin pushed a hand against Chan's chest. "Stop." He could feel the tears start to prick his eyes. He couldn't cry. Not in front of his classmates, not in front of Chan. Not to mention it was his fault. There were so many things he could've done to prevent it and he didn't do any of them. He was a sick excuse for a boyfriend and now he was facing the deadly consequences of that.

"It's not your fault." Chan pushed on.

Jeongin lifted his chin as the tears pushed. "Hyung, stop." He said.

Chan reached forward, pulling Jeongin into a hug. His voice died down, but the words didn't stop. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault."

Sobs erupted from Jeongin as he melted into Chan's arms. The stick finally snapped. It wasn't like it was going to hold for long, but the pressure of Chan's words came crashing down on it.

"There was nothing you could do." Chan said. "As much as you think there was, it wasn't your fault. Sometimes, we can't control things." He rubbed his nails up and down Jeongin's back. "You'll get through this."

"Just remember. It's not your fault."