(4) Out of Control: An All Time Low FanFiction Romance

Chapter 60: Stupid Idea

        "I don't even know what to write," I groaned loudly, spinning in the office chair.

        The walls of the round room were closing in on me, and the white reflecting into my pupils was beginning to give me a headache. I couldn't focus on anything besides the fact that I'd been sitting in here for over four hours and hadn't written a single line on the paper in front of me.

        "Well think of something eventually," Porter tried to offer some kind of relief, but I didn't take the bait.

        "Matt clearly told me this mornign he wanted this song on the album, but I can't even write it," I groaned, rubbing my eyelids.

        Matt had disappeared two hours before, hoping the space would alllow me to come up with something. All Time Low had yet to show up for our studio time, but I didn't blame them. I would've absolutely loved to not shown up.

        I had made myself more than comfortable in the short time I'd spent here. I had my left leg tucked under me, and my right leg bent, old Converse planted on the bottom of the chair. I rested my foreehad against the knee, closed my eyes tight.

        My lunch and notebooks were sprawled on the table, giving me some room to look around for ideas, but I was coming up short. Nothing I wrote down was good enough to keep, or even well written to revise.

        "You have over three months to finisht he song, we have a million other ideas started," Mav was leaning his elbows on the table, clearly bored. I almost felt bad that they had to suffer with me through this process, but they offered to be here. We were a band, a family.

        "But he wants this one," I said, hitting my knuckles against the paper with my previous lyrics written on it. "He thinks this could be our first single, it has to be fucking good."

        "If you over-think it, you will never come up with anything," Xavier sighed, gaining my attention. He was directly behind my chair, looking out the window that made up the entire wall of the room. I was a nce view of buildings and a part not too far away.    

        "Thanks for the encouragement," I muttered darkly, running my fingers through my hair.

        "You'd been attached to your computer since we got back from tour, what happened?" Porter asked nicely, trying not to upset me more.

        Probably the only thing that any of us had an understanding of with each other was music. The guys knew, most of the time, if I was having writers block, they should leave me be or attempt to work me through it. We all knew if we were having a bad day, to just let it happen and not question it. It was probably why we clicked, why even with the different personalities, we could work together.

        "I had an idea for like, five minutes. Maybe if Maverick didn't bring up this stupid idea, we could already be recording right now," I hissed, directing my attention at the drummer who was almost directly across from me.

        "Okay, I really told you that I was sorry when you put me in a headlock at the apartment," he sighed in exasperation. "I heard you singing it in your room the other day and I thought it sounded really good. I didn't realize it was about Jack."

        "It isn't about anyone, especially him," I gritted my teeth, fingers clenching.

        I wasn't sure why I was trying to lie to them anymore. There was no reason to, especially with how much they talked to everyone on tour, Kinsley, Lauren or any other person who clearly saw what I did that second to last night of touring.

        "I'm not fucking seven years old, Nat," Mav shook his head with a smile. "But I got an idea -- wait, hear me out, you don't even know what it is."

        His finger was pointed in my direction when I rolled my eyes, pivoting my chair away from him and towards Porter and Xavier. I crossed my arms over my chest, biting my cheek.

        "Ten bucks says his idea is fucking stupid," Porter murmured under his breath to my side, scratching his chin.

        "If you just talked to Jack, maybe it'll give you some idea and it'll help you start to write.."

        "Pay Port ten dollars Zave, it was a fucking stupid idea," I said, glaring at him again.

        "Why is that a stupid idea?" Xavier asked innocently, turning his attention from the window for the first time in a half hour.        

        "Because that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life," I growled loudly.

        "Just because you don't want to do it doesn't mean it's awful," he said, leaning his back against the glass behidn him and crossng his arms in front of his torso lightly.

        "Okay, I'm so fucking sick and tired of everyone in my fucking life trying to make me do things I don't want to do," I snapped, meeting his dark eyes. "I told your girlfriend I was done with him, and I'm telling you that I am too. This is my life, my choice, my decisions. I didn't ask for anyone to give me their fucking opinion about Jack and I's relationship, so everyone needs to stay the hell out of it."

        "Relationship?" Porter questioned, raising his eyebrows.

       I rolled my eyes at him with a snort. "I didn't say relationship."

        "Yes you did," Maverick said easily, leaning back in his chair.

        "No, I didn't."

        "Yeah, huh."

        I groaned loudly, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes. I pressed my fist to my forehead in fury, teeth cutting into the side of my cheek so hard I was sure I could taste blood.

        There was no fucking way I said relationship. There was no way I meant it that way if I did accidentally say it, and there was no reason for any of them to get that notion. I wasn't sure why I was so angry at that moment, either. I was pissed off at everyone around me, mad at Jack and mostly at myself.

        I never thought I'd ever regret going on this tour, to saying yes to All Time Low offering to help us fulfill our dreams. But, by the way my stomach was churning inside me, I was beginning to think I really did wish I could take back everything, especially the first fucking time I ever kissed Jack Barakat.