(4) Out of Control: An All Time Low FanFiction Romance

Chapter 51: Simple Lie

        When Kinsley left, I collapsed to my side on the bed, lying on my back to stare up at the ceiling, my fan moving around slowly to keep the air moving, circulating through my slightly open windows, letting in the mild spring air. I fixed my eyes on the blade, following it around and around in circles, my mind working, rewording lyrics in my head to make them sound good.

        It started off as anger towards Kinsley for always trying to influence my love-life, or lack of, and always wanting to put her two cents into how I should be with guys, but the more I reworked words, the more I was taking Kinsley's words and twisting them into lyrics. It was frustrating that I found myself agreeing with her through the lyrics, but they sounded good, so I sat up, opening my laptop and a new word document.

        She keeps trying to change her own mind
        Tries to pretend she's made of stone
        She'd never let it show
        It's too late, everyone knows
        She'd deny it till the end        
        Convinced she can change her own mind
        But even she can't deny 
        The stupid fairytale butterflies        
        Whenever he comes around
        Still she can't let it show

        Another soft knock at my door mad eme stop talking, eyes prying away from the screen as I said, 'come in,' watching to see who was coming in now. My mom poked her head in, hair falling in thick black curls to her shoulders, moving as she stood in my doorway, dark eyes stationary on my face.

        "Kinsley left in quite a rush, is everyting okay with you two?" she wondered. I sighed slightly, feeling the façade rise, wanting to avoid talking about Jack with my mother.

        "Yeah, ma, everything's great, she just had somewhere else to be," I said easily, words coming out steadily despite my lies. I watched my mom, waiting for her to say something, but she remained silent, her eyes still trained on my face, as if my expression was giving something away. She was contemplating something, and was quiet for a few moments before she spoke.

        "I'm going to ask you again, if everything's okay between you two, and don't you dare lie to me this time," she said firmly, stepping into my room and closing the door. I groaned lightly, tilting my head back.

        "I'm not lying!" I exclaimed, meeting my mom's gaze again. She was just giving me the look, the look she'd always given me when she caught me lying or doing somethnig I shouldn't have been doing. "Seriously, how do you do that? You always know if I'm not being honest. I'd love to know."        

        "I'm your mother, Natalia, it's my job to know when you're lying to me and when there's something wrong," she said, smiling gently, walking forward and sitting on the edge of my bed near me, body turned towards me, her hand resting softly on my knee.

        "Now what is it? I can see that it's upsetting you," she said. I sighed lightly, shaking my head.

        "There you go again, like you're reading my mind," I chuckled, crossing my legs in front of me. "Please, please, don't get all excited, okay, ma?" I asked, watching her eyes light up immediately.

        "Oh!" she gasped, smiling widely. "This is about a boy!" her words were a mix of statement and question, urging me to continue.

        "Mom," I groaned, giving her an exasperating look. Her smiled toned down a little, but only slightly.

        "Sorry, dear, continue," she said, using her pet name 'dear', that she'd given to me because it was what her mother always called her.

        "Kinsley's just pissed.." a glare from my mother made me stop, rethinking my choice of words. Neither of my parents liked swear words, or words that were close to swear words, or words that they thought were inappropriate. "Kinsley's just upset because she thinks I'm being unfair to someone. She always has to stick her nose into any kind of relationship I have with a guy because she thinks she knows what's right and what's good for me and she just doesn't understand that they're my relationships and my problems and I'll do whatever I want to deal with them however I want to.

        I felt my voice rising slightly, bringing back the anger I'd felt just a little earlier while Kinsley was over there, arguing, but my mother ignored it, letting me express it how I wanted.

        "Were you unfair to this boy?" she questioned.

        "No, no," I said quickly, shaking my head. "He was on the tour, he's a guitarist of the headlining band, and about halfway through the tour we started, getting together." I picked my words carefully, knowing my mom hated to hear about how I never had anything serious with a guy. "And I told him, more than once, how I dealt with relationships and that I never wanted anything exclusive, yet it's like the damn.." another glare from my mother interrupted me. "Sorry, it's like the end of the world that I wanted to stop seeing him like that."

        I closed my eyes tightly, debating whether it was a good idea to tell her all this. Moments later, I'd figured that since I'd gone this far lying would be a waste of time.

        "Well, he had a girlfriend before, and they kind of broke up because of me," I admitted, looking away from my mom. I didn't know if she'd be upset that I couldn't be serious with someone who would willingly end things with his girlfriend for me.

        "So, he has strong feelings for you, then," my mom concluded, and I nodded slowly in response. "And you knew that he did?" Another nod. "But you still stopped seeing him?" Yet another nod.

        I was getting that feeling again, the wrenching in my stomach, something people may classify as guilt. I'd been fighting it off well, but hearing myself, and hearing my mom, repeat how I'd treated Jack brought it back. It brought back the confusion and anger I'd felt at myself because I'd let myself fall for Jack and it was the last thing Iw anted.

        "Why?"

        The simple question left me momentarily speechless because I couldn't answer, even though I knew what the answer was, but my silence was a good enough answer for my mom.

        "So, you have feelings for this boy, too," she confirmed. I nodded pathetically, rubbing my face.

        "But, I don't want to. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to fix it, you know? I'm trying to get over it, but Kinsley coming here is just making things worse."

        "Oh, Natalia," my mom sighed. "You can't just 'fix' things. You don't just get over feelings that you have for someone."

        "You sound just like Kinsley," I groaned, and my mom laughed lightly at my side. I turned my head slightly to look at her, seeing her head tilted slightly, watching me closely. She lifed her hand, brushing my hair back, tucking it behind my ear.

        "Kinsley's right. Why are you trying so hard not to like this boy? If he likes you too, why couldn't you be committed to him?"

        I was silent again for a minute, opting for a lie instead of the truth. Maybe it was because I didn't know the truth, or because I didn't want to admit it, not to myself or to my mom. Either way, I chose a simple lie, one my mom couldn't call me out on.

        "I don't know."