(4) Out of Control: An All Time Low FanFiction Romance

Chapter 50: Will Be (Natalia's POV)

        My homecoming wasn't as eventful as the first one, two days prior. My parents were still excited to see me nonetheless, but went about their everyday activities without hesitation. It always felt good that they moved on just as fast as I did, because I wasn't sure if I could handle them any other way.

        I was excited that by the time I returned to my house in Chelsea, the clothes I left were washed and folded on my bed, and my suitcases were stored neatly in the corner of my room, awaiting the next trip, only a week and a half away.

        I was trying so hard not to think about the fact the guys and I were flying out to Boston in only a little more than a week, meeting Lauren and the guys of All Time Low to work on our new album. I didn't want to think of all the things I would have to put up with for the next three months while we put together a CD. I didn't want to consider all of the awkward moments and knowing stares and unsaid words between me and their thin, lanky guitar player. I didn't want the fact hat I would have to speak with him frequently, or address each other without the possibility of friendship because that was obvious not going to happen.

        So, I was trying hard not to think of much at all.

        It was easy with the boys and I was quite sick of them for the time being. I hadn't seen the since our vacation started only two days ago, which was usually odd between the four of us. Kinsley hadn't even stopped by yet, and Hunter hadn't known I was lying, so he hadn't made an appearance in my doorway. And Jack hadn't tried texting me, or calling me for that matter. I was happy he got the hint, even if I shoved it down his throat at the party.

        None of that upset me, honestly. I liked to be one hundred percent alone, even if I found myself surrounded by people more often than not.

        I spent much of the last forty-eight hours sleeping, eating and showering. There wasn't much to my schedule, and I wasn't going to change it at the moment. I quit my job at a bar in Boston just before we started touring, and I had no intention of going back. I was really hoping to never have to ask for it again, either.

        I was lying on my bed, laptop open and running through a few files I had saved of lyrics. The computer pushed on the sides of my plush black comforter, resting awkwardly on top. My legs were curled underneath me while in full concentration mode, contemplating what songs I wanted to present to the record label.

        I usually wrote them in a small journal, but I always saved them to my laptop just in case I was to ever lose it.

        I had to have over fifty songs saved on this file. Fifty songs of my most inner thoughts, even if my friends fail to believe I would have ever written them. Ffifty of my best and worst memories, fifty songs about death, living, drinking, friends, family, imperfection, personality, my many one night stands, growing up and more. If anyone ever wanted to really shut me up, all they had to do was decipher one song I wrote when I was upset and they'd have my words caught in their throat.

        There was a soft knock at my door, and without looking up, I muttered a small 'come in' before focusing all of my attention on the words in front of me. What the hell were they even looking for?

        My door opened, swinging slightly when a blonde girl walked in my room in a long-sleeved shirt and cut-off jeans. I could see her moving from the corner of my eye, positioning herself on my bed to the left and leaning her head against the headboard.

        She didn't move much while I continued working, and I wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to say. She'd barely texted me since we returned, and nothing extraordinary had happened since I saw her last.

        "Why would you do that to them?' she asked, voice not distressed or sad, just curious.

        My eyebrows came together, gaze never leaving the screen before speaking monotone, "do what to who?"

        "Who the hell do you think I'm talking about?" she said sarcasticaly. "Stephen and Jack, dumbass."

        I finally pried my eyes away from the screen to meet her eyes. Her light eyes were staring at me with her thin lips in a straight line. I bit the inside of my cheek, wishing she didn't have to go there.

        "I didn't do anything wrong, Kins," I said bluntly, closing my laptop slowly. "I wasn't dating Jack, Stephen was more than willing, and there's nothing else to it."

        "Bullshit Nat, do you think I was born yesterday?" she leaned forward, arms crossed over her tiny frame.

        "No, but I think you're fucking loony if you believe there's anything more to the story than what I just said," I said quickly, feeling my blood starting to boil. Sometimes, even with Kinsley as my best friend, it was extremely hard not to hate her for how much we disagree.

        "We already had this conversation. We both know you like him, so why would you go making out with another guy right in front of him?" she questioned, getting off of my mattress to create space between us.

        "Because I don't care about him that way anymore, that's why."

        "Nat, we've already talked about this. You can't just stop caring about someone like it's a light switch, it doesn't work that way," she sighed, running her fingers through her hair.

        I rolled my eyes at her, wanting to prove her wrong. I wish I could have done something to show I didn't give a single ounce about the guy. But there was nothing could do to prove it, especially with that same, small burning sensation in my gut I got the night of the party when I kissed Stephen in front of him.

        "You're making way too big a deal out of this," I muttered under my breath, turning my head away from her.

        "Of course I am, you're letting the only guy you've ever liked walk away because you're too much of a baby to suck it up and deal with your feelings like a real human being. You're not a robot, Natalia. You're going to need someone in your life eventually, why not let it be him?"

        "Because I don't need anyone like that," I snaped angirly. I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation, nor did I want to. It wasn't any of her fucking business. "Kinsley, this is my life, as in, I make the decisions regarding it."

        "That poor guy really fucking liked you, he broke up with his girlfriend just so he could be nothing more than a hook up to you," she said, sounding desperate now. I wasn't sure who she was here for more, Jack or me. "That's his life, and he's surrounding it with you! Why can't he have a say?"

        "He can choose to stop caring about me too. He knew what he was getting into, he knew that I didn't date people. I had to have told him that at least a hundred times, but no, no one ever listens to it. I didn't sign up for a relationship, especially one I didn't want. So, why are you yelling at me when it's right I clearly don't need in my life right now, and why are you so concerned with what's going on between Jack and me?"

        She paused, looking at me and letting out a defeated breath. Rolling her eyes, she walked towards the door without a sound, reaching for the handle when she hesitated in the threshold, hands still ont he knob while turning and looking me directly in the eyes.

        "Because, you're my best friend and I don't want you to be alone forever. If you don't stop acting like this towards every guy that tries to get close to you, you will be."