(4) Out of Control: An All Time Low FanFiction Romance

Chapter 56: Hopeless

        Xavier checked us into our apartment, getting us each a key, and I followed him and the rest of the guys silently over to the elevator, dragging my luggage behind me lazily. I coul dhear them joking around in front of me, something about the size of the hotel and the type of snotty people who could afford this type of luxury, and usually I would join in with them, but I couldn't right now.

        I was thankful that none of the guys bothered me, letting me drown in my thoughts peacefully until we gt up to the apartment. Again, I didn't stop to marvel at the size, just vaguely noting that it was bigger than the hotel we'd stayed in on our first visit to Los Angeles before I claimed a room, taking my bags and shutting the door behind me.

        I pulled my hair up and away from my shoulders, tying it into a loose bun on my head, feeling the air-conditioned air hit the back of my neck, cooling me off immediately. I sat on the center of the queen-sized bed in my room, pulling my computer from its case. While it turned on, I pulled my pone from my pocket, opening my inbox to a message from Kinsley. I opened the message, picking at the bottom of my sweatpants with one hand while reading it.

        What happened w/ Jack. Zave said you've been 'unsettlingly quiet'.

        I rolled my eyes, figuring that Zave would have said something about me. I typed back quickly, one word, hoping she'd get the hint that I didn't want to talk.

        Nothing.

        I dropped my phone at my side, typing the password into my computer and staring at is as my background changed, an old picture of Kinsley, me and the guys centered against a black screen. After a moment, I opened up my internet, connecting to the wireless of the hotel before checking out a few websites for notifications and messages, and responding back to anything I needed to before exiting out. I closed out of the browser when I was done and opened up the word document of the song I'd started back home. I hadn't gotten much farther than the first verse, only making it halfway through the chorus before I lost any idea or motiviation I had.

        I chewed on my lip, staring at the typed words on the screen, trying to think of where to go next when my phone started buzzing continuously at my side, making me lean my head back in annoyance before I picked up, looking at the screen.

        "Kins, I love you, but 'nothing' means 'nothing', and I don't really want to talk about it," I said immediately, holding the phone to my ear.

        "Don't try that shit with me, I know it's something," Kinsley responded. I could imagine her blue eyes flashing to me, expression showing that she wasn't buying a word I was saying. It was annoying that I didn't have to be around to know the hate she was giving me.

        "Even if it is something, that doesn't mean I want to talk about it," I snapped, leaning my head down and resting my forehead into my palm.

        "Not talking about it isn't going to help anything," she tried to argue.

        "Yeah, but it's not like talking about it will help, either," I argued back. "Hate me all you want, but I'm done talking about it. I'm done with him, okay?"

        "That's complete bullshit and we both know it," Kinsley said, clearly frustrated. "I don't understasnd why you can't just suck it up and be with him. Stop being so hard-headed."

        "I don't understand why you can't mind your own fucking business," I said angirly. "I said I was done, okay? Nothing's going to happen!"

        "You're hopeless, Nat.." Kinsley sighed, and that was as far as she got because I hung up, dropping the phone at my side, and falling back agains the bed, groaning loudly to myself.

        I read through the lyrics again, singing the first verse to myself, adding a random melody that would probably change twelve times. I started singing through the chorus, fingers moving quickly along the keys as I added the lines, finishing the chorus.

        She forces that feeling out of her gut
        She can't face it, she can't face it now
        Shaking palms are giving her a sign
        She can't take it, she can't take it now
        Her minds racing and her stomach's in knots
        She can't stop this, she can't stop this now

        My voice dwindled, eyes squinting at the screen as I tried to piece together another verse for the song, but a knocking on the door made me lose my focus again, eyes clamping shut in annoyance.

        "What the hell do you want?" I yelled. "I'm typing to write!"

        "Calm your hormones!" Maverick's voice screamed back through the door. "We're ordering food for lunch, what do you want?"

        "I really don't fucking care, anything," I responded, thankful that Maverick was able to leave it at that, walking away from my door and leaving me alone again.

        I turned back to the document, knowing that finishing this song was as hopeless as I was at this point. I closed my computer and pushed it away, closer to the edge of the bed before letting myself fall back again, stretching out against the comfortable sheets.

        These next few months already felt like they were going to be hell, and they'd only just begun.