(4) Out of Control: An All Time Low FanFiction Romance

Chapter 39: Impression

        We had another day off before our show in Minnesota, and the large group filtered down to smaller groups, a few sets of people deciding to go off and do their own thing for the day. A few people were still hanging out at the busses, taking a day to sleep and relax, takng advantage of the three-day break we had. Most of the people headed out to the city in search of something to do.

        Stella, Cassadee and Lauren convinced Jess, Courtney, Kinsley and me to come out with them to the city, wanting to walk around, maybe shop a little, and have lunch, without the presence of the guys. So, by early afternoon we were out in the midst of the city, sitting around a table at a resturant, finishing off the food we'd ordered for lunch.

        Most of the conversation had been light, almost mindless chatter, about tour or music or something about Stella and Alex's wedding, including everyone at one point or another. I hadn't really been listening or keeping up with the conversation, but Jess turned to me, curiosity in her eyes.

        "So, when exactly did you and Jack start dating?" she asked me, head turned towards me from her seat. She hadn't asked loudly, a few of the girls wrapped up in different conversations, but Kinsley, to my right, had heard her, and snorted out in laughter, hand flying to her mouth to stop herself from spitting out the drink she'd been sipping.

        The rest of the girls turned to us, voices faltering as I shot a glare in Kinsley's direction. She waved her hand, shoulders shaking lightly as she laughed, waving her hand to excuse herself as she calmed down, grinning at me, cheeks flushed. I glanced at Jess, her eyebrows turned down slightly in confusion at Kinsley's reaction, her eyes darting back and forth between my face and hers.

        "Oh my god, sorry," Kinsley said, her eyes amused as they stayed on my face. "Sorry, that question just caught me off guard," she laughed again, still beaming. "Sorry." I was unable to keep the grin off my face as I felt a wave of understanding wash through me, remembering how I'd acted similarly a few weeks before, at breakfast with the guys of All Time Low, Stella and Cassadee. I'd choked on the food I was eating when Zack asked if I'd had a boyfriend back in Boston.

        "I don't exactly 'date'," I said, eyes traveling to Jess. "I've never really been exclusive with a guy. I don't do the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing."

        Stella and Cassadee's face gave a knowing look, having heard this part of my life before, but the other girls had the same expression of surprise everyone had when I first mentioned it. It was something I'd come to ignore, almost.

        "Then what are you guys?" Jess asked, still looking curious. "You two just like..sleep together then?" she wondered, and I shrugged lightly, biting my lip, feeling how the conversation was directed at me, as were everybody's eyes.

        "I guess..pretty much," I said, eyebrows furrowed slightly as I leaned my elbow on the table, fingers brushing my ears.

        "Sorry about being so intrusive," Jess added, laughing lightly. "It's just interesting. I don't think I've known anybody like that, or any girls at least. I know, I don't think I could do that." I noticed the faces of the girls before me, expressions showing that they agreed with Jess.

        "I think that I'd probably start developing feelings for the guy," Courtney chimed in, sitting across the table from Jess. The corner of my eye caught Jess nodding her head slowly, agreeing. I shrugged again, twisting a strand of hair around my finger.

        "It hasn't happened to me yet," I said, mind thinking back to the guys in my past I'd been with more than once.

        "But you came pretty close," Kinsley's voice started, and I turned to her, knowing automatically who she was talking about. I rolled my eyes at her, but didn't bother to stop her as she launched into a brief explanation of my past. I started to tone her out, her voice explaining the one person, despite my group of friends and family, who'd come to gain some degree of compassion from me, no matter how much I hated him sometimes.

        As she spoke, I leaned back into the booth we were in, my thoughts dfiting back to that person and the day we left for tour, the unusual feeling in my gut, how I felt that somewhere deep down, I cared about him to some extent because of our history.

        I began to wonder if that would have ever changed, grew into something more, if I had honestly wanted to give him the chance. I never had before. I always turned him away when I grew tired of him, which was more and more often as his feelings for me grew, yet a part of me always ended up caring for him in some way, something that was uncommon to me.

        So what if I had given Hunter a chance? What if I had stuck with him for more than a week or two at a time before I wanted someone different? Could he possibly have been my first actual relationship, something that was more than just sex?

        I didn't have a moment to think about it, because I was pulled from my thoughts by Kinsley saying my name, asking if I was coming or not. I glanced around quickly, noticing everyone leaving the table. Kinsley was standing by the edge, watchign me. I started sliding across the booth, the last one out besides Jess.

        Our group headed for the doors, except this time, Stella fell back, falling into step beside me. She looked at me and smiled warmly, eyes holding something I couldn't quite place.

        "You know, you remind me of Alex," shes aid, and I raised an eyebrow automatically, questioning her as she continued, "Or well, how Alex used to me. He was like you, a lot, actually.

        "Hmm," I hummed, thinking it made sense, since he ddn't seem surprised at all that I never liked relationships.

        "I don't know if you'd believe me, but I was the first serious relationship he had. You can see how that went," she smiled, hands moving to adjust the ring on her finger. "God, he had this one girl, before we started dating. I really didn't like her, yet he kept going back to her, sometimes because he knew it made me angry. But, he didn't care, you know? Because he wasn't like that, he didn't do relationships," she said, using my own words. "He was probably the biggest flirt, and he was also the biggest asshole."

        "Don't take this the wrong way, since he was like you," she added quickly, body turned in my direction as she talked, both of us walking behind the other girls.

        "No, it's okay," I said, giving her an assuring smile.

        "All I mean," she continued, "was that he needed the right person. All my friends say that I 'broke him', but I just think he needed the right person, at the right time. I think you need the same thing. I think it just has to be right, you need to really feel it with that person, like something you've never felt with anyone else you've ever been with."

        As I looked at her, I couldn't help noticing the look in her eyes, the totally head-over-heels in love look that usually sends me running from people. It was obvious that whatever feelings she had for Alex now, had existed seven years ago when they first met.

        When I tried to think of anybody who may have stuck out from the others, leaving a lasting impression on me, only one person came into my mind.