-Hey, this is my first book so hope you like it. I'm open for requests and remarks. Only the ideas are mine, I don't own BTS or Bighit. English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes you can always point them out.
I don't have any experience with self harm but if you feel the need to, please don't and just find someone to talk to! You can always talk to me if you want to.-
(Trigger warning)
Jin POV
I woke up at 6 am to make breakfast for everyone. Sometimes I feel like I'm only in BTS to take care of everyone. I can't dance, sing or rap. (Authors note: this is not true, Jin is really talented. They all are. If any of them wouldn't be there, BTS wouldn't be the same.) I walk to the bathroom to get ready. I look in the mirror. I'm not even good looking. (Not true!) I don't know how I even got in BTS. Our succes certainly isn't because of me.
After getting ready I go to the kitchen and prepare breakfast. When it's ready I go back upstairs to wake everyone up.
Time Skip, dance practice
(Still Jin's POV)
We've been practicing for two hours now and I'm starting to get really tired. That's not good because we still have another two hours to go before lunch break. My moves get sloppier and sloppier. We're doing Fire so the dance is pretty fast. Suddenly I trip causing me to fall together with Tae and Jimin. The dance teacher stops the music and looks at me angrily.
Dance teacher: "Really Jin, really. It's not even that difficult and you can't even do this!?"
I look down at the ground ashamed. He's right, I can't even do these easy steps.
Dance teacher: "Everyone works so hard but you just sit on your lazy ass and don't do anything to improve. I'm really disappointed in you Jin!"
I can't take his yelling anymore. I run out of the dance studio and into the nearest bathroom. I quickly lock the door so that no one can get in.
The members probably hate me. The ARMY's probably hate me too. Everyone probably hates me.
Then I hear a little voice in my head.
That's right, everyone hates you. Why are you still alive? You don't deserve all the ARMY's and the success. The members don't care about you. You don't even look good.
It's only now that I realize the tears streaming down my cheeks.
You're right, I shouldn't be alive.
I smash the mirror and take a large piece. I place it on my wrist and slide it over my arm.
1 cut.
2 cuts.
5 cuts.
10 cuts.
I see the blood dripping down from my wrist. It doesn't even hurt. I just feel...
Empty
My vision starts to become blurry and I start feeling lightheaded. I fall to the ground and the last thing I hear before the darkness takes over me is
"Hyung, no!!!"
Suga POV
At breakfast
Jin is being really quite, he has been like that for a while now. He's not the crackhead hyung that we all love so much. Not that we don't love him when he acts differently. I hope he's just tired and that nothing is wrong.
Time skip, dance practice
We've been here for two hours and I've noticed that Jin is getting tired. Poor hyung probably didn't get a lot of sleep.
When we get to the quick part Jin trips and he falls together with Tae and Jimin. I hear the music stop and before any of us can go to them to see if they are okay, the dance teacher starts yelling at Jin. I notice a single tear roll down his cheek before he runs out of the dance studio.
I run after him only hearing Namjoon yell at the dance teacher.
Namjoon: "Was that really needed!?!?"
He deserves that for yelling at our precious hyung for no reason!
When I get to the bathroom I try to open the door but it's locked.
I hear tiny sobs coming from the inside.
I bang on the door and yell his name. Or he doesn't hear me or he doesn't want to hear me.
After a minute of banging on the door I hear something shattering.
I start banging louder but there's no answer.
I start kicking the door to try and get it open. I hear a thud. I start kicking harder. What I see when the door finally opens is something I never wanted to see.
Jin hyung laying on the floor cuts on his wrist and blood on the floor. I yell.
"Hyung, no!!!"
I hear running footsteps from my right. I see Namjoon coming with a worried expression on his face.
"Call an ambulance, now!!" I yell.
He looks at me confused but when he gets to me and looks inside it turns into shock.
He takes his phone and dials 119.
Time skip, hospital
We are all sitting in Jin's hospital room. I find it difficult to look at him.
Wires and tubes connected to him. Him looking as pale as a sheet. Bandages on his wrist. The heart monitor beeping steadily. He's lucky to be alive. When he cut his wrist, he hit an important vein and lost a lot of blood. I never thought he would do something like this. I've been through depression myself and I never want anyone to feel like I did. I'm mad at myself that I didn't notice the signs before. I could've stoped this from happening.
I guess Jimin can read my mind because I feel his hand on my back.
"It's not you fault hyung, none of us noticed." He whispers.
I suddenly hear a groan from in front of me.
(He's sitting on a chair at Jin's side)
Jin slowly opens his eyes, squinting at the bright light. I stop the light from getting to him to much and when I do, he notices me. He then looks around seeing all the other members before tears slowly begin rolling down his cheeks. I softly wipe them with my thumb before hugging him, rubbing his back to calm him down. It's not long before I feel everyone else join the hug.
Jin POV
I open my eyes before squinting them because of the bright light. A hand comes in front of my eyes to stop the light. I look at my right to see Yoongi sitting beside me. I look around and find myself in a hospital room with my members sitting around my bed. Tears slowly leave my eyes. Yoongi wipes them away softly and hugs me rubbing my back. All the others join shortly after.
How could I do this to them, they have always cared about me. I couldn't ask for better friends than them.
Correction, Brothers.
-So I hope you liked it, this is all imagination and I hope that none of the members ever think like that. Always remember that you're special, beautiful and perfect just the way you are. It doesn't matter what you look like, we're all people and on the inside we're all the same. The only difference that matters is your personality and your actions. We shouldn't have to put on a "mask" so that other people like us, just be yourself!
And for your daily dose of bts memes...
Credit for the pictures and memes go to the owners.-