With my keys and my purse in one hand, I use my other hand to call Harry on FaceTime. I get out of my car, close the door and lock it meanwhile Harry is yet to answer my call.
Lately I have been paying more attention to the extra weight that I am carrying around. Weight gain during pregnancy is normal, obviously. However, I am starting to feel like a big hippopotamus struggling to get out of my car and needing to grip onto the car door for extra support.
Another time is when I am getting out of bed. I can't just sit up and jump out anymore. No, I need to push the covers off my body, roll onto my side, sit upright - which is the hardest part, dangle my legs over the side of the bed and lastly, wriggle off the mattress and hope that my feet find the floor in a steady position so that I don't fall face first into the floor and hurt my baby.
It's all much easier when I'm with Harry because he helps me. I am an independent woman who would much rather help myself out of bed. But I would he lying if I said it wasn't hell of a lot easier when Harry is there to help me. These are first world problems though.
There are plenty more problems in the world than a pregnant woman having to get herself out of bed. At least I can manage to get out of bed without assistance. My sister on the other hand, she's not so lucky.
Being on the phone to Harry was a good distraction. I spoke to him and got my anger off my chest. Now I feel much better. Despite my sister being the person who I am the angriest at right now, I still can't help but feel guilty. Maybe I pushed her too hard today. Maybe I have come across too strong and made it look like I was trying to replace her, even thought that wasn't my intention at all.
I just wanted to help Aaron with the kids. Rachel is an incredible mother and it is impossible for her to be replaced in the lives of Tori and Tyde. And for Aaron, I can't believe she assumed that I would make a move on him if she died. Aaron is like a brother to me. Not to mention, there's been so many men that I could have dated but I can't seem to get over a six feet tall British guy with dark curly hair, bright green eyes and a heart full of gold.
Speaking of that British guy. He didn't answer my FaceTime call. I'll call him back. Maybe he's in the bathroom, getting room service or flexing his biceps in the mirror after his long gym session today.
After 2 rings, the FaceTime call ends. The little shit declined my call. I don't take people declining my calls lightly. As I unlock the front door and push the door open, I call him back again. I kick the door closed with my foot and hear it lock as I continue walking further into the house.
Once again, he declines my call. I hit his name again and call him for the fourth time.
"I swear Styles, if you decline me one more time I will- Harry, hey." I quickly change my tone as his face pops onto the phone screen. "Nice of you to pick up."
He has a cheeky grin on my face which only confirms that he was purposely declining my calls.
"Sorry, I was quite busy."
"Oh yeah, doing what? Braiding your hair?"
"Nope. I haven't quite mastered that yet. Lou is still teaching me. For now I'm sticking with the bun." He turns his head to the side to show me his man bun.
His hair has grown so much that he can get every single piece into the bun now. There's no stray pieces hanging beneath the bun because they're too short to fit in the elastic. Harry's hair is just below his shoulders.
"I've been looking at hairstyles because I'm in need of a change. I'm too scared to dye my hair because I've always been a blonde and dark hair probably won't suit me. I was thinking layers but then I came across a girl who had a long bob and I was digging it. Do you think I would suit a bob?"
I grab my hair and fold it so that it is up to my shoulders, demonstrating what my hair would look like if I were to cut it that length.
"No, don't."
My eyebrows raise as I drop my hair and let the strands fall back halfway down my back.
"I wouldn't suit a bob?"
"Yes you would. That's not what I meant." He is quick to defend himself. "What I meant was no, don't cut it. I like your hair long. More to grab onto, you know." He wiggles his eyebrows and I roll my eyes at him.
"More for the baby to grab onto as well. Baby's love to pull on hair and let me tell you, it hurts."
Harry cringes. "Babe, don't. You just ruined the mood for me. I was talking about pulling your hair in a kinky way and you had to bring up the baby pulling your hair. Totally ruined my mood."
"Well I'm sorry. But better I ruin the mood for you now before you get too excited and nobody is there to help you fix your little situation."
First of all. "Little situation?"
"Sorry, wrong choice of wording. My apologises."
"Secondly, I mean there's plenty-" he stops speaking and forms his hand into a fist before placing the back of his enclosed hand onto his mouth. It looks like he is stopping himself from being sick but instead he is stopping himself from letting out word vomit.
"There's plenty of what?"
He waves his hand out in front of him. "Nothing. Plenty of nothing."
"Harry..." I say in a more serious tone. I want to know what he was going to say. "Be honest with me."
He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. "It's stupid. It was just a joke. I didn't mean anything of it. When I thought about it, I realised how fucked up it sounds so I stopped myself before I regretted it."
"Just fucking tell me. I'm not going to beat you up through the phone."
"Yeah, that's not what I'm afraid of."
I press my lips together and tap my fingernails on the kitchen table as I wait for him to come out with the truth.
"Fine. I was going to say that there's plenty of girls here who would happily take care of my problem but I don't want them to. I only want one girl."
While I am processing what he just said, Harry grows anxious through the phone.
"Baby I'm sorry. I shouldn't even joke about that. You see, that's why I didn't want to say anything. Please say something."
"I mean, you're not wrong." I shrug my shoulders. "There's plenty of women and to be honest, men as well, who would take care of your problem. But you are a loyal man who is going to stay loyal to the girl he knocked up."
Harry laughs. "Seriously Hailey, tell my why do I deserve you? So many people would get pissed off with what I said. Fuck, I would be pissed off if you said that to me. Joking or not joking. You have a good attitude."
"Babe, there's bigger things in life to be pissed off about, not some little jokes. I know you didn't mean it. If you did mean it, I would chop off your dick so nobody could have it. Not even you."
His eyes widen. "Stop, that hurts to think about. I don't want to imagine that."
"Well let's hope you don't need to."
He smiles at me.
"Now, can you please show me what you have brought baby girl because I almost ran a red light to get here quicker?"
Harry looks shocked. "You fucking what? Hailey Hayes, you-"
I laugh at him which makes him stop preparing the lecture that he is about to give me on road safety.
"I'm totally kidding. As if I would do that."
"As if you wouldn't. You floored the car one time just to beat another car into the McDonald's drive thru lane."
"They had a minivan full of kids. They would have had such a big order and I was starving. Nobody should ever try to come between me and food."
"Oh trust me, I learnt that the hard way."
We both laugh.
"Now come on. I'm impatient."
"Right, let me get them."
So there's more than one thing? Oh my goodness, I am so excited I think I need to pee now. Actually no, that's just the baby pressing down on my bladder. At least I now have an excuse for peeing every half an hour.
It has been two minutes and there's no sign of Harry.
"Come on H, what's taking so long?"
Harry comes running over to where his phone is sitting up on the wooden table in his hotel room.
"I seem to have misplaced them..."
"Na-Ah. I'm not falling for that." I shake my head.
He smiles before holding up a pair of shoes. My mouth widens and I bring my hands my my cheeks. I look like the shocked face emoji.
"Harry" I say in awe. "Oh my goodness. Look how tiny they are in your hands."
A tiny pair of baby Gucci shoes.
"What do you think of them? I couldn't resist. She can match with her daddy."
"Harry, I love them. You two are going to be walking around in your Gucci attire. I can picture it now."
"Well funny you say that, because I got this too."
He holds up a white Gucci jumpsuit for her to wear. It is adorable. I don't even want to imagine what Harry spent on these two items. The only problem with buying expensive clothes and shoes for newborn babies is they wear them for a couple of weeks and then they outgrow them.
"That's way too cute."
"I was thinking it could be the outfit we bring her home in. Her first outfit."
"I like your idea Harry, I really do. But you know that she is probably going to have a poo explosion in that, right? It's white so that's going to be super hard to get out and it's so expensive. I don't want it to get ruined."
"Then I'll buy her another one. I work hard to support the people I love. I want to give my daughter the world. I will teach her the importance of gratitude and appreciation because I don't want her to be spoiled. But ..." he pauses for a moment before smiling to himself. "I'm going to spoil her rotten."
"Oh, I can see it now. We will be in the toy shop and she will want a bear but I'll say no because she already has too many at home. So then she will go over to you and give you the puppy dog look and say 'daddy I really want this bear' and without a second thought, you'll go and buy it for her."
He smiles.
"You're wrong. I won't give in that easily. I'm a hard man to persuade."
"Oh please, when it comes to your daughter she is going to have you wrapped around your little finger. I know it."
"Hmm, we'll see."
I know I'm right. If I were a gambler, I'd have big money on it.
*
It's 11:00am the following day. I'm stirring the pot of beef goulash over the stove when I feel a strong kick come from the baby. I let go of the wooden spoon and it slips into the pot. I take a step away from the stove and rest my hands on the kitchen tabletop as I bend over slightly. There is sharp pain to follow. Just like the pain I felt yesterday.
I had a restless sleep last night. I couldn't get comfortable. I don't know if my sleep was disrupted because of the baby, or because I was thinking about what Rachel said to me.
The previous times, the pain has gone away after a few moments but this time it doesn't leave. I take deep breaths and try to keep calm. If this is hurting me, I'd hate to see what labour is like.
Shit, labour.
There's no way I can be in labour. I'm only 26 weeks. The next thing that comes to mind sends chills down my spine.
"No" I say to myself, trying to shut down those nasty thoughts inside my mind. "My baby is fine. I am not going to lose this baby."
Mum comes down the stairs and she sees me doubled over in pain.
"Hailey, what's happened? Did you burn yourself?"
She places her hands on my arm and back.
I shake my head and take a step away. The pain is slowly decreasing but there is still an uneasy feeling of pressure on my lower abdomen.
"The beef." I nod my head towards the stove.
Mum walks over to the pot and pulls out the spoon. She continues to stir the dish.
"I'm not worried about lunch. What has happened?"
"There's pain in my tummy. I felt her kick and then a sudden stabbing pain. I was feeling it yesterday too but it went away so I thought it was nothing."
Mum walks over to the wall and picks up the telephone which is on the wall. I forgot we still had that thing. Wall phones are almost non existent in homes nowadays.
"I'm calling Dr Nelson."
"No mum. I can't call a doctor every time I feel some sort of discomfort. You've been pregnant before. Isn't pain normal?"
"Tightness and discomfort yes. But the only time I was doubled over in pain like you were just then was when I was having a contraction."
"I'm sure I'll be fine."
She stares at me with concern. "Are you going to call Harry?"
I shake my head. "No, he's on stage right now. I don't want to worry him."
Mum nods understandably. "Alright, well you go sit down. I will take over."
I take her advice on board and go sit on the lounge. I scroll through Instagram and see that Lou Teasdale has posted a photo of Harry holding Lux backstage. I smile at the photo as I place my hand on my stomach.
Soon your dad will be holding you like that before he goes on stage. It's going to absolutely melt my heart watching Harry kiss her head before handing her back to me and running onto the stage. I know it will mean the world to him, being able to perform with his little girl waiting backstage or in the crowd.
We are going to have to get her little earmuffs so that she doesn't get spooked by the crowds. Whenever I go to a concert and I am standing in the pit, the rest of the night my ears ring from how loud the crowd is. Every single show is a loud, incredible atmosphere. Not many artists can say they are able to put on an incredible show like that. But One Direction can. I hope they continue to. All five of them.
*
I don't know what time it is but I sit up and reach for my lamp on my bedside table. I knock my knuckles on my bedside table which hurts but eventually I find the switch for the lamp.
When I turn it on, I tap the home button on my phone. 11:53pm.
The pains have got worse. Tonight when I was sitting on the lounge, watching my mum cry over Brooke and Ridge splitting up yet again on The Bold And The Beautiful, I felt more tightness in my stomach. The weird thing was, I couldn't feel the baby moving. When I would poke or rub my stomach to get a reaction out of her, she wouldn't kick or respond with movements in any way.
I thought that maybe she was sleeping, but there's something that isn't right. I still can't feel her sleeping. Usually she is most active when I am laying on my back, trying to go to sleep.
There is another strike of pain just below my belly button. I let out a gasp because that one was harsh. I get out of bed and go into the bathroom. I lean over the sink and drink some cold water from the tap. I walk back into my room and pace back and forth, wondering what is wrong.
That's when I look at my bed and my heart drops. I see a few tiny drops of blood on my white bedsheets.
I scream at the sight in front of me and drop to the floor.
"No, no, no." I say over and over again as tears run down my cheeks. I stand back up and check my legs to see if I cut myself or something while shaving my legs. I then check my underwear and that's when I see more spots of blood.
Mum rushes into my room, almost removing my door from the hinges. That's how hard she burst through the door.
"Hailey, what has happened?"
I look over to my bed and her eyes soon follow. She places her hand over her mouth. "Oh no." She walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into her shoulder.
"I can't lose her mum. I can't lose her. Mum, I don't want to lose my baby." I cry even more into my mums fragile shoulder.
She runs her hands through my hair and tries to calm me down. "I'm going to call Dry Nelson."
I nod my head. "I'll get dressed and I- I need to call Harry."
I am scared to death over the thought of a miscarriage. There has got to be other reasons for bleeding. I've never been pregnant before. I barely know anything about pregnancies. I don't know if it is normal to be bleeding or not.
I am surprised that Harry answered.
"You're awake." I say to him as he answers the call.
"No, I was asleep but I told you I would always keep my phone on just incase you needed to talk. You okay? Why is your camera facing your feet? You do have lovely feet, but I would rather see your face my love."
Even when I feel like mg world is ending, he still manages to make me smile.
"Harry."
"Why did you say my name like that? What's happened? Hailey, please flip the camera."
I wipe the tears under my eyes and then flip the camera so that he can see me. The second he sees my face, his sleepy expression changes to a sympathetic frown as he stares at me with complete sincerity.
"Oh my love, what's happened?"
I inform him of the pains that I have been feeling and tell him how I woke up with even more pain.
"Then when I came back from the bathroom, I seen blood on the bed. It's not much, but it's still blood. And it's coming from my-"
"Who is there with you? Your mum is home right? Can she take you to the hospital? You will be okay. You and baby both. Our little girl is fine. I'm sure it is something else. Please just take deep breaths. Breathe in with me."
He does the breathing patterns with me as I sit down on my bed. He is really good to me. He is keeping me somewhat calm despite me feeling more anxious than I have ever felt before.
Mum comes back into my bedroom with her keys in her hands. "Dr Nelson was on call. He is on his way to the hospital now. He will meet us there."
I see relief wash over Harry's face.
"Keep calm baby. Remember, deep breaths."
"Hi Harry." Mum says to him as she takes my bag from me and puts it over her shoulder. She takes my free hand and helps me down the stairs.
"Hello Liz. Thank you so much for taking Hailey to the hospital."
"I am her mother. Of course I would."
I look over at my mum and am about to shoot her down but now isn't the time. Harry would take me to the hospital if he could but he is too far away. It's not his fault. I'm not mad at him. But I know what my mum is thinking. He should be here for me for unexpected things like this.
On the way to the hospital, Harry kept talking to me and told me stories from our past to keep me calm and to stop me from thinking about worse case scenarios.
Mum and I are in the elevator, on our way to meet with Dr Nelson who said he will do an ultrasound. The most important thing is trying to find a heartbreak.
I can't breathe properly. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when I can hear the sound of her beating heart. The fear of the unknown is killing me. I want to find out right now.
When we get into the room, I lay straight down on the table. Mum takes my phone from me and turns the camera around so that Harry can witness the entire ultrasound.
"Your mum said you felt pain. Where exactly was this pain?" He asks as he prepares the equipment.
I point to the areas where I first felt the pain. "First it was here. Then it moved to here and felt like somebody was stabbing me. Today I felt the most pain beneath my belly button right here. Like a striking pain. My whole lower stomach felt right."
Dr Nelson applies the cold gel to my stomach. Usually I am excited for this part because I know that I will soon see my baby. But tonight I am terrified. Terrified of not hearing her precious heartbeat.
After moving the device around my stomach for thirty seconds, there is still no sound to be heard. I bite down on my lip to stop myself from crying.
Fuck, where is the heartbeat? Why can I not fucking hear it? Please be okay baby. Please.
After what feels like forever, the most perfect sound fills my ears. I have never been so happy to hear the sound of a beating heart. I lower my head because I was sitting up before and I rest my head against the cushion on the bed. I let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank you god." I can finally breathe. I was holding in my breath for so long. I was terrified of hearing the worst news slip out of Dr Nelson's mouth.
I then look over at Harry who is also smiling with relief. He has his hands on his chest and is staring at me with pure relief.
"We have a heartbeat. This is a good sign. Your baby looks to be happy and healthy Hailey. There are no changes that are alarming."
"Why was there blood? That doesn't mean labour does it? Is she going to come early?"
"I can promise you that you aren't in labour. This isn't uncommon as you are in your second trimester. Of course I will monitor you and keep an eye on everything, but this small amount of bloody tinged mucus can be for a number of reasons. May I ask, have you been sexually active recently? The past few days?"
I refuse to look at Harry who is on the phone in my Mum's hand. I press my lips together to stop myself from smiling and I nod my head. I can just imagine the smirk on Harry's face right now. I can't look at him or else I will blush even more and I will definitely start laughing.
"Right, so this occurs as a result of interference with the cervix during sexual intercourse or inflamation of the cervix. As I said, I will continue to monitor you but everything is looking good Hailey. The baby is measuring on the larger size, she has very long legs already."
"Well both her parents have long legs so that's a given." My mum laughs at herself.
Dr Nelson smiles. "You keep doing what you are doing, Hailey." He then looks over at Harry through the phone. "Might I suggest, not having intercourse for the next week just to give the cervix time to return to normal."
Harry holds his hands up in surrender. "No worries mate, I'm on the other side of the world so no need to worry about that. Just make sure no other boys go near my girl whilst I'm away, eh?"
I know exactly who Harry is referring to.. Ryan who is Dr Nelson's son.