"Why didn't we think to pack the bag sooner?"
"Rachel told me that I should have packed it at 33 weeks because you never know, but I just got so caught up with everything else that I forgot. I kept putting it off and I regret it now."
Harry takes a step closer to me and places his hands on my shoulders and tries to calm me down. "It's alright, everything is going to be okay." He kisses my forehead before picking up the baby bag and walking over to the change table. "Lucky we transported everything over here, eh?"
"I only have my pyjamas and my dirty clothes from today. I need to stop by my parent's place to get an outfit."
"No baby, we need to pack this baby bag and get to the hospital. I'll bring my suitcase I'm sure there's something of mine that you can wear."
"You're stylish Harry and I love your style for you, but I don't want to have my first pictures with our daughter wearing your floral shirts."
He frowns at me, slightly offended by what I said. "I think they're wonderful." He places four diapers into the bag. "Wait, how much do you think she will poo? I'll add a few more."
"Harry, those won't fit her. If she's being born early then we are going to need premi-diapers. The hospital will supply us with them I'm sure."
He places another handful of diapers inside the bag just incase.
"And going on what you said before, about your first pictures with our daughter. Hailey babe, you're going to be naked." He laughs. "Your first pictures will probably be when she slips out and is placed straight on your tit."
I laugh at him while holding onto my stomach. "Stop making me laugh, you're going to bring on the labour quicker."
"Yeah, that can't happen. Those baby books did not prepare me to deliver my daughter in the car on the side of the road."
I lean against the wall while bending over slightly. I squint my eyes shut tightly and hold my breath. Even though Dr Avery told me to breathe through the pain, it hurts too much to breathe.
"Another contraction? I'll put it in the app." Harry runs over to the opposite side of the room and picks up his phone. I didn't know this, but he downloaded an app that monitors your contractions. He said that Lou told him to get it because that's the one she used during her labour with Lux.
*
Harry and I got to the hospital safely. We got taken up to my private room and the nurse got me settled. She said that all of the on call midwives are currently delivering other babies and one of them will be with me shortly. Dr Avery isn't due to start her shift until 11am and she isn't answering her phone. She was the one who I wanted to deliver my baby, but I trust these midwives.
"Hey there Hailey, I'm Phoebe and it looks like you're stuck with me today." A girl who looks to be in her mid-late twenties walks into the room and is rubbing her hands together and rubbing in what I'm assuming is hand sanitiser. She then reaches for a fresh pair of gloves from the rack on the wall. "Hi, I'm Phoebe. It's lovely to meet you."
Harry holds his hand out to her. "Hey Phoebe, I'm Harry. Can I shake your hand or is that not sanitary?" He hesitantly holds his hand out to her.
Phoebe laughs at him and stares down at his hand. "How about you shake my hand when I deliver your baby safely into this world." She looks at the print outs from the tocodynamometer which has been displaying my contractions since the nurse attached the device to my stomach. "Alright, let me take a look." She walks to the end of the bed and moves my already parted legs, further apart. "She's really low."
"Yeah, I can feel it that's where the most pain is coming from."
My midwife, Phoebe nods her head. "Your baby is extremely low. She is pushing against your pelvis, ready to come out."
"Ready to come out?" I shriek, my voice filled with shock, terror and confusion. When my waters broke I knew that I was in labour, but hearing Phoebe confirm it just makes me freak out even more.
I look from Phoebe, over to Harry and the look on his face matches the way I am feeling. Harry's hand moves from my shoulder, to my forehead and he keeps his hand on my face. He gently strokes my forehead, attempting to keep me calm.
"She's only just over 37 weeks. Why is she coming so soon?" Harry asks.
Phoebe doesn't answer immediately, she looks between the two of us and gives us a reassuring smile. "We would like to run some tests, but her heart rate is fine and she is looking healthy. You have had a high risk pregnancy from early on in your pregnancy Hailey and often with high risk pregnancies, the babies are eager to be born early. Usually only a week or two, but in your case, a little under 3 weeks early. I am going to run some tests, to be sure that she is alright. I'll send the doctor in to do that and I will join you shortly. Is there anything you need?"
I have another shooting pain and I close my eyes as I breathe through what I now know, really is a contraction. I was blaming the gluten in the pizza, when in fact it was contractions all along. I have been in pre-labour for twelve hours now and I didn't even know it for the most part.
"That was a big one." I open my eyes to see Harry looking at the screen beside him. There is a belt wrapped around my stomach and it is connected to the machine called a tocodynamometer. It shows the frequency and length of my contractions. Earlier, the contractions were a low frequency and short length. Now, the frequency is getting higher and the contractions are lasting a little longer.
Phoebe places her hand on my arm and looks down over me sympathetically. "I know you're scared, but remember everything you and Dr Avery discussed in your prior appointments. You are in the best of hands and we will do everything we can to make sure that your little girl gets here as safely as possible."
"Thank you." I say to her as I reach up and grab onto Harry's hand. He leans down and kisses my cheek whilst one hand is on my face and the other is giving my hand a firm squeeze.
"Thanks so much." Harry says to her as Phoebe leaves the room. "How are you doing? Do you want me to get you anything?"
"Water."
Harry nods and lets go of my hand before walking over to the table in the corner of the room and opening the cupboard beneath it. Beneath the cupboard is a mini fridge and he gets out a bottle of water for me.
"A straw, you need a straw." He rummages around the cupboard for a straw, but he can't seem to find one. He pulls out a box from the cupboard and holds it over his head while he is kneeling down, still looking for a straw. "They have fucking ten boxes of gloves in here, but they can't stock one fucking straw?"
*
Dr Nelson comes into the room and I have my legs up and open as I sit here on the bed in my gown. I quickly put my legs down because this is extremely awkward. This guy is a family friend of ours and he watched me grow up. He also almost seen up my vagina.
"Hey man, nice to see you." Harry stands up and walks over to shake Dr Nelson's hand.
"Harry, great to see you too. How's she doing?" Dr Nelson looks over at me and walks over to my side. "How you holding up, kid?" He places his hand on my forehead.
"I'm okay."
"Now, are you sure you don't want anything?"
I nod my head. "Positive."
The nurses offered me some of the happy gas to ease the pain, especially during the contractions but I said no. I want to be completely natural with no drugs during this labour. I'm probably going to be screaming for the epidural in 10 minutes time, but for now I can handle it. Barely.
"Wow, it feels like yesterday that you and Ryan were running around in nappies in the backyard causing mischief and now here you are, all grown up. I can't believe it. I knew you when you were a baby and now I'm about to meet your baby."
I smile at Dr Nelson and think back on all of those special memories that our families shared together. I glance over at Harry who seems displeased by the mentioning of Ryan.
Harry grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Something I have been doing the complete opposite of to his hand. Each time I get a contraction, poor Harry's hand, arm or whatever body part of his that I can reach, deals with the consequences. He has been an incredible support system to me. I wouldn't be able to stay this calm if he wasn't beside me. Imagine if he was across the world on tour.
"I'm so glad you're here." I say to him while Dr Nelson checks mine and the baby's vitals.
"I don't want to be anywhere else."
"Phoebe has written down that you are 4cm dilated. You're doing really well so far Hailey. I will come back in 30 minutes to check on you again, alright?"
I nod my head. "Thanks Dr Nelson."
He sends me a warning glance because he hates when I call him by his formal name.
Harry pulls out his phone and then holds it up in the air in front of him. I can see us in the screen so I smile, thinking that he is taking a picture but then he starts talking to his phone.
"So here we are, in the Northern Beaches Hospital. It is 6:13am and we are ready for you to come baby girl. A little earlier than we had expected, but I guess you're pretty impatient like your Mum."
I lift my hand and hit Harry's arm.
"I wonder if you're going to get your Dad's sense of humour. He thinks he is hilarious."
He glances over his shoulder at me. "Baby, I am hilarious." Harry turns back to his phone. "Your Mum is doing very well so far. 4cm dilated and dealing with those contractions like a warrior. We're going to meet you today baby girl." Harry smiles widely and he turns around to look at me. I can see tears forming in his eyes. "Fuck, we're going to meet our little girl today." He says to me as I smile back at him. Harry stops recording and I wipe the tear that slips down his cheek. I can feel my own tears starting to form out of happiness and the pure bliss of seeing Harry react in that way too.
"Another contraction is coming." I say to Harry when my stomach becomes tense. I inhale and count to three before exhaling while counting to three. I continue doing this as the contraction comes. I see the monitor on the side of my bed start increasing. I close my eyes when the pain gets too much. I let out a groan of pain and squeeze Harry's hand tighter.
"That was a big one. Look at that." Harry says, sounding somewhat impressed. This certainly doesn't feel impressive at all.
It hurts too much to open my eyes, but I can imagine what the tocodynamometer is displaying.
"You're doing great babe. Keep breathing Hailey." I can hear him breathing heavily, trying to do the breath-work and breathe through this contraction with me.
"Easy for you to say." I say to him, not meaning to snap at him but I am in so much pain that I cannot control my emotions right now. This is a long contraction.
After the contraction, I finally open my eyes and that's when I see Phoebe, one of my midwives walking into the room. "I've come in at a bad time." She says while walking over to my bedside. "How you doing Hailey?"
"Exhausted." I say breathlessly while wiping my sweaty forehead with the back of my hand. "I don't know how much longer I can do this for. How many centimetres am I now?" I don't want the drugs, but if I have to do this for 10 or more hours like some women do, I won't be able to resist any longer.
She moves to the end of the bed and I lift up my legs again. I look at Harry who is watching Phoebe closely while she examines my insides. Harry's eyes widen and his lips part slightly while he watches her in shock. I look down to see Phoebe leaning really close to my body. She's just doing her job, but it humours me seeing Harry's reaction to her being so close to that particular area.
Am I sensing jealousy? Only joking.
"5 and a half centimetres now Hailey."
"Only 5 still? It's been two hours since I was four."
She sends me a sympathetic glance. Something that everyone has been giving me today. "Please hit the button if you do change your mind and want something for the pain."
When Phoebe leaves the room, Harry blows out a puff of air before leaning back in his seat. "God, she was having a good look up the hallway." He stands up and walks over to the door. "Hey, that's the last look you're going to get. My eyes only alright." He says to the closed door. I would laugh my ass off if Phoebe walked back in to check on me again and heard what he said.
"Is that my phone or yours?" I ask him once I hear the iconic iPhone ringtone.
Harry places his hand on the outside of his pocket. "It's not mine." He runs over to my bag and picks up my phone. "It's your Mum."
I hold out my hand to him, waiting for him to pass me my phone. "We need to create a group chat for our families so that they don't keep calling us for updates."
Harry laughs at me while handing me my phone. I answer it and put it on speaker. "Hey Mum."
"How's my girl doing?"
"You know, I'm just here living it up." I look over at Harry who has his back to me. He is staring out the window with his hands on his hips. He looks gorgeous in his signature all black look. Black t-shirt, black jeans and black Chelsea boots.
Meanwhile, I'm over here looking my worst.
"I just wanted to commend you Mum. Going through this twice."
"Once." She says sternly. "Had your sister out of the lady jewels and you were cut out of me. You wanted to come out feet first, my dear."
"I was a breech baby? Why is this the first time I heard of this?"
"You never asked. You kept asking your sister all of the gory birth questions, not me."
She's right, Rachel was my go to for advice. I even spoke to Anne about birth. Never my own mother. Her and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but I need to put in more of an effort with her. That can be a priority of mine after birth. Right now, I need to make getting through this contraction my current priority.
I close my eyes and breathe through the contractions. "Oh my god." I whine while mumbling the three words. "Mother fucker." I drop my phone and instead clutch onto the side of the bed. Harry rushes over by my side and rubs my arm.
"What's happening? Are you having another contraction?"
Harry picks up my phone. "She is, I'll call you back when she's 8cm."
"Cal me back when I'm my third grandchild is here. Good lucky baby, we're thinking of you. You can do this, you've always been strong."
"Just like your father." I hear my Dad call out in the background.
Harry ends the call as my contraction comes to an end. "That one was only 8 minutes apart." He says while looking at the chart.
I close my eyes while leaning back into the pillow. "I hope that closer contractions mean I'm closer to getting her out."
"Do you want the gas or epidural?"
I shake my head at his question. "I can do this without it." When I open my eyes, I see Harry leaning closer towards me and he places his hand on my forehead. "Can I have some more water please?"
He reaches so the side table and picks up my cup of water. "You want some ice chips too?" When I nod my head in response, he picks up the cup of ice chips. Who ever thought that frozen water would be so addictive. After all, it is the only thing I can eat right now.