I place my two hands on the sides of my face with my elbows down on the kitchen table. I've been sitting here, staring at the paint colour charts for three quarters of an hour. I can't decide if I want the baby nursery to be painted a feminine colour or to be gender neutral. Harry thinks we should go gender neutral like white or pastel yellow, but then he said we should be bold and go for a colour like neon orange.
"Look at all these shades of pink with their ridiculous names. Like it's clearly hot pink. Why call it funky monkey? Monkeys are brown."
"Let me have a look." Harry puts my guitar down and walks over to where I am sitting. He pulls out the stool beside me and takes a seat. He places his hand down flat on the colour chart and slides it over to him. "Wow, you weren't kidding. Those names are absolutely ridiculous, but it keeps things interesting. Do you like the hot pink?"
I shake my head and lean closer to Harry so I can also see the chart. "No, I want something light for the walls. Like a baby pink similar to these two colours. Which do you like better? There's also these two colours that I like as well. You said you wanted gender neutral so I picked out this yellow and mint green colour."
Harry frowns as he stares at the paint colour samples. He runs his fingers over the two pink colours. "They're both the same colour, aren't they?"
I put my head in my hands. "I never thought I would be so indecisive whilst designing a baby nursery. I've always dreamed of designing my own. Are you sure you don't want to have more input?"
"I'll help with choosing the babies clothes, but everything to do with interior design I'll leave up to you my love."
Harry steals a piece of my toast and pops it in his mouth. It was cold anyway, it's been sitting there for a while and I got sidetracked. "Thanks, I was a little hungry. I have to pop out to see a mate but I'll be back in a couple of hours."
He grabs his keys from the table.
"Okay, see you soon."
"Your phones ringing, it's your mum." Harry hands me my phone. Maybe you should get your mums opinion on which of the two paint colours as that is super important."
I try to reach out to grab him but he dodges my hand with a cheeky grin on his face. He grabs onto my wrist to stop me from grabbing onto him and bends down to kiss my lips.
"I love you."
"I love you too" he says to me before disappearing out the door. With a heavy sigh leaving my lips, I walk back over to the kitchen island where the colour chart is. I close my eyes and wave my finger over the chart. Wherever my finger lands, will be the colour of baby girl's room.
I open my eyes to see that my finger isn't even on the colour chart. It is literally ten centimetres away from it on the kitchen table top. I laugh to myself before closing my eyes and trying again.
When my finger lands on the page, it lands on a dark, olive green colour. I love my olive green turtle neck top, I wear it to death in winter, but I will not be painting my daughters room that colour.
I glance down at the marble table top and tap my nails on it, enjoying the sound of my nails hitting the surface. You know, perhaps white wouldn't be so bad after all. It's gender neutral, might be a little boring but you can spice it up. My bedroom has white walls and it's boring now because all my furniture and bedspread is white too but when I was a teenager I spiced things up with an aqua duvet and pillows.
We can implement Harry's neon orange desire and other colours to add pops of colour. Her stuffed animals and toys can be colourful too. I'll run that idea by Harry when he gets home.
But for now I need to do something I have been putting off all day. Calling Heather. We haven't spoken verbally for almost two weeks now. We've been exchanging emails, but that's about it. She's going to kill me for keeping this a secret from her for so long.
"Hailey?" She sounds shocked that I am calling her.
"Hi Heather."
"Good afternoon Hailey, or is it morning there? I don't know, time difference is shit. I am so glad to hear your voice, you're still alive. I haven't seen any photos of you or read any articles in three days. Have you been laying low?"
I laugh to myself. Yes Heather, I am alive. It's funny how people use social media to check up on you rather than sending you a text asking what you've been up to.
"Yeah, I haven't really been out much. How have you been?"
She sighs. "Same old me, glued to my phone or my computer. I have had quite a lot of free time to myself since you've been back in Australia and for years I have wanted time off but I am actually going insane. Can you do something irresponsible so I have something to keep me busy like fighting off the media?"
I laugh at her. How's getting knocked up? Is that irresponsible enough for her?
"How is your sister?"
I haven't told her that she is back home now. Rachel has been wanting space and that's what we've been giving her. Aaron sends me daily updates on how she is coping. Obviously she isn't back to her old chirpy self but she's getting there. She is mourning her best friends death but also appreciative that she gets to wake up each morning and see her gorgeous children. They are the most important things in her life.
"Rachel is doing better, but that's not exactly the only reason why I've spent so much time in the hospital these past few months."
Heather is silent for a moment. "You're not sick are you?"
"No, quite the opposite actually."
"What do you mean?"
"Heather, I'm pregnant."
Now she is silent for more than a moment.
"Are you still there?" I ask when I don't hear any sound coming from her end of the line. "I know this is a huge shock to you, it was a huge shock to me too. I will fill you in on it all and why I had to keep it from you but-"
Heather lets out a loud scream and it's not the kind of scream that she let out when she found out I had broken up with Harry. That was a scream because she thought the breakup would be great publicity when releasing my next single. Sure it was great publicity but I didn't like the reasoning behind it.
I pull my phone away from my ear as she screams again.
"Congratulations Hailey, I must say I am in so much shock right now but oh my god. You are going to be a mother."
"I know it is. Having my own child is going to be one of the best-"
"We can have your album drop right after your due date. The publicity the birth of your child is going to be incredible for sales and-"
"Heather" I say with a warning tone.
She lets out a laugh.
"I'm just kidding Hailey. Oh I can't wait to spoil this little child. Have you seen those baby Gucci outfits. Oh and the baby Moschino line is absolutely to die for. I almost brought a t-shirt to put on my dog."
"Hashy is a very lucky little dog. And I can't wait to splurge on baby clothes for my daughter too. I have already brought a few outfits online these past couple of days."
"A girl, you're having a girl."
"Yes I am."
"I'm so happy for you sweetheart."
I smile. "Thanks Heather."
"Harry's the father, yes?"
"Yes he is." I wonder what she will have to say about this. She hasn't always been the biggest fan of Harry and I together. I don't know why. A lot of people weren't supportive of our relationship at first but we didn't care. As long as we were together, that's all that mattered to us.
I get a notification saying my phone is on 10% battery so I put her on speakerphone and plug in my charger.
"Harry is going to be a great father. You two are young and I'm not going to lie, it's not going to be a walk in the park. But if any twenty and twenty one year old can do this, it is you two."
"I'll be twenty one by the time the baby is born."
"Yes you will. When is that exactly."
"My due date is approximately June 10th." This little girl is expected to be a Gemini. Everybody has gasped or told me 'oooh you're having a Gemini look out'. I love Geminis, I don't see why everybody is so negative towards them.
"Hailey Anna Hayes. You are telling me, you waited five months to tell me you were pregnant."
"I had to tell Harry before I could tell anybody else. I'm sorry Heather."
"Wait, tell Harry?"
I fill her in on the very long story of how I had kept it from him for so long. Only Heather would find the funny side to this story. She was laughing for a whole minute, I was scared she was going to stop breathing. After speaking to Heather, I ended the call in high spirits and I went upstairs to have a nice, relaxing bath.
*
An hour and a half later, Harry returns with a white cardboard box in his hands. It looks to me like a dessert box. I get up from the lounge and run over to him to see what he has brought home with him.
When I reach him, I take the box from his hands and look up at him with a wide grin.
"Here I was thinking you were happy to see me." He looks down at the box. "I was wrong."
I laugh at him and step onto my toes and kiss his cheek. "I'm happy to see you too. But I have been craving sweets all day."
"Go on then, open it." He nods towards the box before putting his bag down on the ground. I pick of the sticky tape on the front of the box before lifting the top of it. My mouth goes watery when I see four cupcakes with spiral icing inside the box.
"Oh my god Harry, you are the best."
He closes his eyes and presses his lips together whilst shrugging. "Eh, I've been told that a few times."
I walk into the kitchen and put the box down on the table. I get out two plates. One for Harry and one for myself. He follows behind me and takes a seat on the stool on the other side of the table.
"What flavours did you get?"
"The front left is mud-cake with vanilla icing and red velvet oreo sprinkled onto it. Beside that is red velvet cake with cream cheese icing. Back right is classic vanilla with caramel icing and beside that is white chocolate mud cake again with vanilla icing and caramel syrup swirled around it."
"Styles, you are very good at many things, but choosing cakes is probably one of your top three."
He laughs at me. "Oh yeah, what about making babies?" His eyes divert down to my stomach. "I think I am pretty good at that too." He stands up and walks over to me. He stands behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder with his two hands on my stomach. "Do you think she will kick for me again?"
"I don't know, keep them there and she might."
"God, look at you. You look so gorgeous pregnant. You're literally perfect, Hailey. All these pregnant women say they feel like whales when they're pregnant. You don't look like a whale. You still have those long skinny legs with your thighs a little bigger but I like it because it's more to grab onto" his hands slide down to my thighs. "And this" his hands slide up to my butt, giving it a squeeze. "I always said you had a cute little butt but now this is one juicy ass."
I can't help but laugh at him and his choice of words.
"And this belly. God, this is my favourite. Just in the short time of knowing I can see that it has grown even more. You're starting to pop more and more."
"That's because you keep feeding me bad food like these cakes."
"My daughter is going to have a massive sweet tooth like her daddy."
"Oh I bet she will."
Harry's hands move from my stomach and up to my boobs. He cups them in his two hands. "These would have to be my second favourite change in your body. Hails, the first time I seen you at Beth's funeral, I honestly thought you got a boob job. I felt so disrespectful and rude but I could not take my eyes off them."
"I know, your eyes kept flickering down there every few sentences."
We both laugh.
"But now I can look all I want" he kisses my collar bone, then my neck and then the spot just under my jaw. "Because you're mine again."
"Harry, I kind of want cake."
"The cake can wait" he kisses the spot under my neck again before spinning me around and connecting his lips to mine. He kisses me hard and I wrap my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss even more. I feel his tongue slip into my mouth and swipe across my top front teeth before slipping further into my mouth. I let out a moan as his hands slide down my body and he grabs my butt again. His hands move down to my thighs and I jump up so I can wrap my legs around his waist.
Harry breaks away from the kiss and stares down at my legs wrapped around his torso.
"Can we do this?" He asks me with a concerned look on his face.
"What, have sex?"
He nods.
"Yes, we're not going to hurt her."
"Are you sure?"
I laugh at him. "Harry, it's fine."
Harry slowly nods his head before kissing me again and walking over to the lounge. He puts me down on the lounge before getting on top of me. He lifts his shirt over his head and leans down to kiss me.
"Well, at least I won't be needing a condom because you're already pregnant."
"The last time we had sex was when you got me pregnant."
Harry shakes his head and hovers over me. His cross necklace swipes across my nose as it dangles down from his naked chest. My hands make their way to my dress and I start lifting it above my head, Harry assists me because it is a little hard in this position.
He tosses my dress onto the floor beside us, leaving my torso completely exposed to him. No I wasn't wearing a bra. The perks of having naturally no boobs, then falling pregnant is your boobs get bigger but remain perky and sit up perfectly without a bra. I'm going to enjoy my boobs being like this for now because I know once I stop breastfeeding they'll sag and go back to being the size of mosquito bites.
Harry slides his hands beneath my back and pulls me closer to him. He looks down at my body and smiles to himself. "You're so beautiful" he whispers into my hair as I feel around his body for the waistband of his jeans.
"You're going to have to invest in track pants or some loose pants so these aren't so tough to take off all the time" I say to him, earning a laugh in response.
"Baby the point of these is so other women can't get them off easily. The only woman I'd go through the effort of peeling extra tight jeans from my legs are, is you."
I roll my eyes with a cheeky smirk still remaining on my face. "Yeah, whatever. I'm not an idiot, don't try to sweet talk me like you're some virgin."
"You wouldn't want me to be a virgin. The more sex I've had, the more experienced I am and do you know what that means for you?" He grinds his hardened crotch onto mine. "More pleasure" he whispers in my ear before kissing me again.
Harry momentarily gets off of me so he can pull down his jeans and his white Calvin Klein underwear come down in one swift motion along with the jet black jeans. Harry climbs back on top of me and grabs hold of my thighs as he positions his own below mine, hitching my core up to meet his own.
I look down at his dick before diverting my gaze back up to his eyes. Not only did I miss Harry's presence in my life, I also really missed our sex. The chemistry between us has always been undeniably brilliant. Whenever we had a fight beforehand, the angry sex we had made all the trouble fly out the window.
"I love you" I say to him as I reach up to his neck and pull his face down to me. As he slips his tongue into my mouth, he enters me slowly and gently. The feeling is overwhelming. I don't know if it's because I haven't had sex in a while or the pregnancy hormones, but I am craving him even more now than ever before.
As he continues moving in and out of me, each thrust hitting me deeper and deeper, I grab onto his biceps and squeeze them as I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling. "Styles, have you been working out?" I say shakily between breaths. Harry laughs and he nods his head.
"Maybe."
I squeeze his biceps again. He has definitely been working out more. I kiss along his jawline and he starts to quicken his pace. As the small grunts escape his lips, goosebumps arise onto the surface of my skin as I try to contain myself beneath him. He grabs onto my thighs and raises them higher so they are almost level with his shoulders, hitting me at a whole new angle.
"Harry, oh God."
"I know," Harry whispers, kissing between my breasts, over my collarbone and up to my lips. "I know."
I whimper beneath him as he continues his long, slow strokes up and into me. My nails dig into his back as I feel my walls tightening around him. The way our bodies are moulding together is like we haven't spend five months apart. We lock eye contact as Harry reaches his high. With a few more slow thrusts, I do the same. Harry lets out a deep sigh as he pulls out from inside of me and flops down on the couch beside me.
Our legs are tangled together as we lay here with our hands intertwined. Harry sits up and kisses my forehead.
"I missed you Hailey."
I turn my head to the side and stare at the beautiful man beside me. His eyes are so dark in this dim lighting and just above his eyebrows is a bed of sweat on his forehead. I reach over and push his curls off of his face and smile at him.
"I have a question for you."
"Mmm?"
"My mum said she had a natural birth with Gemma and I. My friend Emily had a C section. I was wondering if you've thought about your birth plan. I mean, the months go so quick and before we know it she will be here. So I was just thinking about what you're going to do. I want to be with you when you give birth whether it be naturally or through C section."
"Yeah, I have" I bring my hand back down and rest it on his arm. "I'm not having a step by step birth plan as Rachel told me they never go to plan anyway. I'm going to take things as they come but I do want to have a natural birth. A natural water birth. But if necessary, I will get a C section."
Harry nods his head slowly.
"What's going through your mind?"
"I'm just thinking about a full on baby coming out of there" he points to my downstairs region whilst cringing. "It makes my dick hurt just thinking about it. Are you worried?"
"I mean, I'm not overly excited about pushing a baby out of my vagina. It's going to hurt so fucking bad, but it'll be worth it when she is out. All that pain and agony is rewarded with the best gift of all."
"I still can't believe we are having a baby" he smiles. "Hailey, we're going to be parents. By Christmas this year, it won't be just us two anymore."
"Crazy, isn't it?"
"Yes, but something you and I have always agreed on is fate. What is meant to be, will be. Clearly we are meant to be a family."
I nod in agreement. "We've been fighting fate for so long. It's been one hell of a ride but I am glad things are working out for us now. It's not going to be a piece of cake but we are going to make this work. For her."
"Yeah and I know you have put your career on hold for her. You have done so much for her already. Carrying her all this time, keeping her safe and healthy."
"I feel like I've not done the best job at that."
Harry frowns. "What do you mean?"
"I haven't been able to take the best care of her. Dr Avery has told me all about the complications that I have."
"Hailey, you've been through fucking hell these past few months. Not many people are strong enough to handle it all on your own but you have."
"I've never been alone, Harry" I place my hands on my stomach and smile as I look down at the prominent bump. "I've always had her."