We flew into Dallas, Texas around three in the morning as a couple of us were trying to pull an all nighter off of coffee and donuts we bought before our flight. I just wanted to be able to sleep in a bed for a little bit considering it was going to be a laid back day.
And when I say 'couple of us' I mean Anna and I. Everyone was sent back home, and I forced Jamie home to spend time with the girls. It's just the two of us getting off the plane. Well I mean including one of my body guards Maxwell. He is of course doing his duty and protecting us while we keep it low key at the airport. The good thing is that these plane tickets were very last minute meaning no one found out about our info. We were planning on getting a rental, but I really did not want to drive anymore then I have been doing.
Our driver was parked out front prepared to drive us to our hotel for the rest of the night. Max escorted us into the backseat before he helped the driver packed up our luggage.
To. Jamie: we touched down
To. Jamie: heading to the hotel now. Have you made it home?
From. Jamie: no we are about to land. I'll talk to you in the morning get some rest before your radio appearances.
I sighed as I locked my phone and heard the soft sounds of very few cars on the highway along with us. Not too long ago I was in this city for a small show, so it's weird being back and not performing again.
Usually I have a whole team of people with me during the radio interviews, but Anna and Max are stepping in to keep me on track. I have a few people coming down from management that are just going to be following me around. I haven't worked with them before, but Jamie said they are a good group of people.
"First on the list is a nap, but in order to nap we are cancelling your vocal therapy session," Anna told me as I listened to the sound of the blinker and the cars on the road.
My sunglasses rested on my face as was leaning on the window. "Don't cancel. I need to make sure I don't strain my voice even more. The sessions are helping," I told Anna.
The suburban came to a stop in front of the hotel. Max made orders for us to stay in the car while he checked us all in. Behind our suburban pulled up the small camera crews black van.
I started humming in my seat as I kept my eyes closed trying to keep myself awake. "I'm going to Postmates in a sec," I told Anna. "Do you want anything?"
"Coffee, three Red Bulls, and some McDonald's breakfast."
I went crazy on ordering food and drinks for everybody. We all could use the energy. I need some energy drinks and coffee to keep me going. Especially if I was going to perform tomorrow night. I can keep all of these energy drinks in the hotel fridge for tomorrow.
"Two days of vocal therapy," I sighed looking at my phone calendar.
"Ain't nobody gonna touch it, touch it," I sang quietly. "Cause every time I'm with you I go into the zone."
"And I remember all the places you wanna go, take me all the way!" Anna and I sang together ending in small giggles between us.
"Let's go girls," Max told us as he opened the trunk.
Anna and I got out and started to help the Bellhop with our luggage. We loaded all we could on the cart and grabbed the rest still being followed by the camera crew.
"We get upstairs in three minutes. Get in the shower, we will get your hair and makeup done by a local artist here. Her name is Willow and I will send you her instagram account. I will get in the shower after you while you get dressed in the outfit of your choice. Make up and hair will be done, we will eat a quick brunch which is actually a lunch, then we will head to your vocal therapy. I will tell you the rest of our day afterwards." Anna read all of that off of her phone. Jamie was worried about leaving us, but I convinced her we will make it.
"Now Maxy.. You will have a free two hours to do whatever you want to do," Anna smiled at him.
His stiff daunting face turned into a small smile. He is going to be quiet excited about his nappy time. He might even squeeze in a quick session at the gym to keep up his bodyguard figure.
My tired body walked to our door and unlocked it with the key card. There were two beds, so I threw my bags on one not caring which one I had. It just looked so comfy. All I want to do is rest my head against the pillow.
"Play a playlist," I told Anna as I walked into the bathroom. I started showering as I listened to music Anna's music.
The warm body relaxed my tensed muscles after non stop traveling just to get here. It felt good to wash all of the airplane ride off of my body and start fresh. The bad thing about a warm shower is it makes me want to relax and not move.
I leaned my body against the side of the shower letting the water beads hit my closed eyes. The muffled sound of Anna telling me to hurry up brought me out of my day dream.
I smiled as I heard some old 2000s music taking me back to when I was young. Those were the days. The days when I didn't feel overly tired and over worked. I know this is all because of music and the fans, but sometimes I need a break. My life feels like a constant race.
I put on a velvet black bodysuit and a pair of ripped high waisted skinny jeans. My hair remained wrapped in my towel above my head as I pulled out my phone.
Madisynespinosa: good morning Twitter.. Yes I haven't slept yet Lol
I looked into the bathroom mirror and leaned in as I studied my face. I had a couple small pimples near my hairline, the whites of my eyes were red from constantly rubbing them, and the Gucci bags remained under my eyes making them look sunken in.
"On a scale of 1-10 how tired are you?" Larri the cameraman asked.
"You are only limiting me to ten?" I laughed as I walked towards the main room.
Max walked into the hotel room holding all of our Postmates items. Behind him followed a Willow. She had bright neon pink hair with her black roots on the top. She seemed so stylish wearing a hipster outfit that matched with her makeup. It gave me a total grunge feeling and I loved it.
"Hi Willow!" I smiled standing up walking towards her.
"It's nice to meet you," she smiled giving me a hug. "I'm really excited to do your makeup. You will be my first big celebrity."
"Well I'm excited for you to cover up my bags," I laughed fluttering my eyelashes.
"Don't worry I can fix that."
"Go ahead and set up wherever you want. I'll just be chugging these drinks while you do."
She took her bags and rolling makeup bag towards the huge mirror. "Thank you Max," I smiled grabbing my food and drinks. "Go take a nap."
"Call me if you need me," he nodded before leaving the hotel room.
I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through Willow's Instagram. I wanted to see her work. She had lots of photos and videos for me to watch for the next hour.
I was also enjoying the sausage McMuffin and hash browns I stocked up on. McDonald's breakfast can marry me any day.
"Okay I am ready for you. What are you wanting for your look?" She asked.
"I'm thinking orange eyeshadow and a pale pink lip," I smiled.
"Say no more, say no more." I sat down in the chair while drinking red bull through a straw, so I don't have to throw my head back.
"Is it too late now to say sorry," I hummed as Justin Bieber played through the radio.
I kept my eyes closed as she worked on my eyeshadow. I was too tired to keep one eye open and look at my phone. It actually felt peaceful sitting there having someone do my makeup. I have always loved it.
I could feel myself drifting off, but it was okay with me. I only have to keep my head up so Willow can keep working on my face.
*
"Madisyn?" I sat up straight and opened my eyes.
"Huh?" I asked blinking heavily.
"You were asleep, but your head fell," Willow laughed holding a palette and brush. "Do you want me to do your makeup while your sitting in the bed, so you can at least sit up against something?"
"I'm okay.. I will stay up now."
"You must be really tired," she laughed.
"I'm used to it. I just learn to take short naps whenever I have a chance. When I am doing any kind of tour, filming, or promoting I get very little sleep."
I know it isn't healthy to constantly be living off of little sleep and redbulls, but there is no other option when I am constantly on the go. It is all worth it in the end. After Halloween and these few parties, it is going to be like Winter Break for Shawn and I. We will probably fly to see our families over the break and enjoy eating lots of food.
"Okay makeup done," Willow cheered. I looked into the mirror and smiled.
"You are truly talented. I will definitely use you again and recommend you to others. This looks really good!" I laughed staring at my closed right eyelid.
"Okay I'm going to do two space buns up here, and then leave all of this down," she said letting the bottoms layer of my hair to fall on my shoulders.
"Oh tomorrow can you do my hair with some temporary pastel pink?"
"I will bring it tomorrow," she smiled started to curl my hair.
"Could you imagine the taste of your lips, If we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens? 'Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs If you lied between my hips in the backseat," I sang scrolling through Twitter.
"And I imagine the tears in your eyes, The very first night I'll sleep without you.. And when it happens I'll be miles away And a few months late Didn't know where I was running to.. But I won't look back.."
"And we know that we're headstrong, And our heart's gone, And the timing's never right.. But for now let's get away, On a Roman holiday!" I sang loudly waking up more. "I love this song. It makes me feel so alive like I should just drive off and travel."
"I feel you.. On a spiritual level," Willow laughed.
I looked over at the bed to see Anna fast asleep while holding a half eaten hash brown in her hand.
"I would've at least eaten the hash brown before falling asleep," I told Willow.
Willow and I contributed to carry on a conversation mostly about our boyfriends who we both love dearly.. most of the time.. sometimes I want to bury Shawn alive. She is actually a very lovely and lively person. Honestly she is have an amazing life and soul. She does so much and is so happy with everything. Every year she travels to Africa to help build schools and take care of kids for a month. I would love to go someday.
"Where are you going this year?" I asked her.
"I got next month. I always go to the same place, so I get to watch the children grow up. Then I go to a place I have never been for the last two weeks to build a new building with the team I join." She sat the curling iron down and sprayed my hair one last time. "All done," she smiled.
"Gosh I love it," I smiled fluffing my hair. I stood up and walked over to my purse. I grabbed my checkbook and a pen. "Willow I am going to trust you with this because I trust that you love helping those children so much." I wrote on the check and ripped it out.
I handed her the check written done was an amount of ten thousand dollars. "Are you serious?" She asked holding it with her mouth wide open.
"This amount will go towards food, water, clothes, and any necessities those children need. I'm going to write another check later for that will go towards building wells and school for any village you choose. One day I want to go with you, and I want you to show me around. But for now while I can't be there to help, I want to help in any other way that I can."
She pulled me into a tight hug squeezing me. She pulled away with small tears in her eyes. "This means so much to me. Those children are such a huge part of my life and I love them so much. I just haven't been able to afford as much as they need. You are a saint to those children."
It felt good to be able to give back in places I can't be. I can tel she really cares about what she does in Africa, and I only hope one day I can visit.
The next thirty minutes that we had free I listened to her talk about her visits. She showed me so many pictures of the same children she see every year. Her two favorite are orphan siblings. Their parents passed away when they were young babies. They were such beautiful children that my heart ached for.
"Thank you Willow for helping me today. I will definitely see you tomorrow," I smiled gathering my purse.
"Thank you so much Maddie. You are such a giving person," she said giving me one last hug before leaving.
I grabbed a throw pillow and tossed it Anna causing her to wake up from the impact of the pillow hitting her. She sat up and continued eating her hash brown like she had just fallen asleep.
"Are you ready?" I asked her Trying not to laugh. I can't believe she woke right up and finished her hash brown.
"Yeah let me just fix my hair and we can go."
"Madisyn that was really selfless what you did," Lydia said standing next to Larri.
"I'm going to start giving more to other people," I told them cleaning up the room a little. "What is the whole point of having so much, but not giving to those who need it?"
Anna and I met Max outside room. He was standing there scrolling through Twitter which is quite a scene. It's funny seeing a thirty year old bodyguard scroll through Stan twitter. He loveS retweeting tweets about him. It makes him happy to see what positive things people have to say about him.
I don't tell Max, but half of the time I tell fans I meet to tweet pics of Max. He is literally a big teddy bear that tries to look daunting at all times. I'm going to start a Maxwell Appreciation Day. It's going to be on his birthday every year.
Somehow Anna made it to the suburban without taking a nap. I felt bad that she has barely got any sleep, so I bought another red bull for her. That woke her right up. We drove to Kiss Fm where a small group of fans waited outside screaming as we drove up.
"Only a few pictures then we go in," Anna told me as we came to a stop in front of the building.
Max opened the door for Anna and I. I stepped out after her and walked towards fans. Anna and I started taking pictures with those near.
It is hard to a smile on my face and open my eyes wide to give an illusion that I am wide awake, but I have to do it. I can't have people think I am not taking care of myself.
"Hi," I smiled grabbing the phone a teenager handed me.
"I love you!" She cried hugging me. I gave her a tight hug and held the phone up smiling as I clicked the circle.
I probably use love you too at least two hundred times a day when I am out and about meeting fans. They always tell me and of course I love them too. They are the reason I do what I do, but at this point I wish I had a different saying that is special to my fans and I.
"Okay we got to go," Max said carefully directing me towards the opened glass doors.
"Love you guys!" I waved walking in. The doors shut behind me quieting down the noises to just a couple of people walking around, phones ringing, quiet music playing, and the elevator dinging.
It is like the typical radio station building. They all look clean and bright in the lobby with pictures of musical artist throughout generations scattered around from who has been in the building.
"Hi I am Andy!" A man smiled reaching his hand out. Andy is who I am suppose to be meeting to guide me through the day.
"Nice to meet you I am Madisyn," I greeted back as I shook his hand. He proceeded to introduce himself to Max and Anna shaking both of their hands as well.
"So first we are going to go to the third floor where you will have a chat with Kellie over air. We will record you promoting our station. Do you have the paperwork Jamie said you signed?" He asked. Anna opened up her bag and pulled out a folder and handed it to him. "Perfect. Then we will head to the second floor where you will do a Q and A with fans and sing a couple of acoustic songs with our guitarist and drummer."
"Okay do I get a potty break in between?" I joked causing him to laugh.
"Whenever you need one," he laughed. I nodded my head and followed him to the elevator.
*
"Can you tell us about your big move?" Trisha asked me as I sat on a small stage in front of a group of supporters.
I held a smile on my face as the microphone was gripped in my hand.
"It was very scary I'll admit. I was so worried to be leaving Matthew, but I think it is what was best for all of us. Now Shawn, Anna, and I are all living together more independent then we have been," I laughed considering we were independent before getting our own house.
"Do you and Shawn agree when it comes to the house?" Another girl asked.
I laughed a little thinking about Shawn and I house hunting. "The process was quite funny. One night I slept with Anna because I wanted to find a house with a wrap around porch, but he argued that none of the houses in the area have porches. Other than that the house we found was love at first sight. We walked in and right away Shawn squeezed my hand. The look on his face was like this was home. I knew that was where we would grow together."
The room awed at me telling them story making my heart warm. More questions were asked about my album and the process of making the album.
"Are any of the songs based off of experience?" Someone asked after being called on.
I let out a loud laugh. "Oh course! I wrote one with Nick Jonas-" I paused letting them do a little cheer. "First Heartbreak And I wrote it off of Shawn and I's relationship. I mean there are plenty of songs on the album about Shawn, but that one is like the one song I sing to myself when I think about him."
*
The few piano keys played behind me as I sat on the stool on the small stage.
"And you say that I'm the devil you know and I don't disagree, no, I don't see the harm. They say, 'you crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you. but I wanna be in your arms..." i listened to the piano softly while closing my eyes and holding the microphone close.
"they say, 'no, don't pick up the phone, let them think there's nobody home' but I am under your spell.. 'Cause when you call my heart starts to roll, I always want more it's my heaven, my hell.. We're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiett, but I can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine.."
I created length between my mouth and the microphone. "I can't quit you, I can't quit youuu."
The piano is slowly and beautiful playing for this acoustic version that I love playing. Writing this song was a process for me. I took some of how Anna was feeling after her breakup and it took me a while. I had to isolate myself in my room for a day just to be able to step into this feeling that I was experiencing a breakup. A breakup where you are addicted to them even though you know they are so bad for you. You and everybody around you know that you two mix like oil and water, but when the sexual tensions rise that is the only thing you can bond over.
Anna had a really hard time moving on, but she was able to see how bad they were together. As a song writer, I have to be able to visualize and picture myself as a person in a certain position. It is how I even act. I try my hardest to feel and think just like the person I am trying to be.
"...yeah I'm gonna regret it..." I leaned away from the mic stand as the small group all clapped.
It was nice performing songs in different renditions. Acoustic just makes everything beautiful and simple and can turn a song into a more 'in the feels' song. I just can't wait for these hours to go faster.
A/N: Hi everybody 💕💕
Hope everyone is doing good since it is almost Halloween! I am excited to see the creative costumes everybody wears. Have a great night
xoxo