October 20
My outfit made me feel confident. The little weight I lost was showing from working out. My body was getting toned, but I have started to eat Mac n Cheese again. The dances are slightly killing me. Before tour the dance rehearsals left me so sore, but now I'm getting better. On stage I don't sound out of breath or tired. I've been keeping up.
It was a long sleeve bodysuit completely covered in a pattern of rhinestones. There was a gold leave belt. I decided to match it with my gold thigh boots and my smoky pastel pink wig. I knew no body would be expecting it. With Halloween around the corner I figured I would mix it up a little.
I didn't go all out with these few stops because it is to promote my new album. My tour is coming in a year. The dates are all figured out and so are the venues. I haven't even announced the tour yet. I do have an opening act. Her name is Alessia and she is up and coming just like Jacquie Lee. My small intro is coming soon. It isn't a big one like my future will have.
"The process of this album was quick. I felt like everything went by so quickly. The deadlines began to come crashing and I felt overwhelmed. I had so many different words written down, but I could find a way to make so many of my lyrics combine with all the stress I found my peace of mind at night with my guitar beside me.
Midnight Dangerous Love became an album I love. It shows a new side of me no one has seen. It is more mature sounding and I found myself more than I did with my previous album.
Two weeks is all I have to share with everybody leading up to a busy part in my career. Midnight Tour is coming.."
The sound effects showing "June" sounded the whole area. That was the new and improved intro introducing my mini tour and my big tour.
The lights went out and the smoke machines started up. I walked onto the middle of the stage in front of my microphone without anybody seeing. The red and pink lights begun to flash and wave around.
The beginning of never be the same sounded through the speakers. I could hear the screams filling the stadium which is a good idea that the intro to the song was made longer.
Wooh
The music went quiet and instantly the spotlight turned on me as I started singing. "Something must of gone wrong in my brain..." I gripped the microphone tightly with my right hand as I used my left to slowly touch the side of my face.
"Got your chemicals all in my veins, Feeling all the highs, feel all the pain..." I stepped back listening to the sound. "Let go of the wheel, it's the borderline Now I'm seeing red, not thinking straight Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me.."
I loved singing this song live there is always so much energy involved. "Just like nicotine, heroine, morphine, suddenly I'm a fiend and you're all I need.. All I need, yeah, you're all I need."
I used my hand to mock the sound of the drums before starting to sing again. "It's you babe, and I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe And I could try to run, but it would be useless.. You're to blame Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never be the same! It's you, babe And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe And I could try to run, but it would be useless, You're to blame.. Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never ever, ever be the same. Sing it!" I shouted pointing the microphone towards the crowd letting them sing as I followed behind them.
The drums hit hard at the lights flickered and all pointed low and started rising slowly. "Sneaking in L.A. when the lights are low.. off of one touch, I could overdose, he said 'stop playing it safe girl, I wanna see you lose control'" I sung thinking of all the times Shawn would push me to leave my comfort zones.
This song is always a blast singing live since the music is so loud and intense. Plus this seems like one of the most liked songs from the album.
It just makes me feel like how I did when Shawn and I first started liking each other. I was so obsessed with every little thing we did together. When he would touch my arm I found it as a sign of flirting causing me to feel so intoxicated and then when things started picking up. Every kiss we shared and still share is filled with the hunger of love.
He changed me.. I was scared after Kade, hell I didn't even want to be around so many guys for Magcon, but Matt convinced me after he told me more about Shawn. Then Shawn showed me I was safe with him. That he would never treat me like Kade did. To this day he make me feel more confident and loved. He shows me that I am worth it he always has. Even during our break he made sure I had someone in the darkness of losing Jenna.
I have never been so in love with him at this point. I am happy with where we are and how far we have made it. He is constantly the one I think about and love.
Everything turned dramatic as I closed my eyes and stood in the middle of the stage gripping my microphone intensely. I could feel the lights shining on my skin causing me to feel hot, but I loved it. It all gave me a rush. "You're in my blood, you're in my veins, you're in my head," I sang and listened to the backtrack of my voice singing 'I blame'
"Sing it!" I shouted hearing the loud crowd singing together, 'You're in my blood, you're in my veins, you're in my head, I'm sayin!"
"Two more times!" I shouted loudly as they repeated the bridge.
The band went quiet as I sang "It's you, babe!" Holding the note and ending it with a hand pound as the drum filled the speaker contributing to the song.
The crowd and I finished the chorus as the instruments faded out. "Just one hit of you, I knew I'll never ever, ever be the same." I closed my eyes feeling my heart pounding out of my chest. "I'll never be the same."
The crowd went crazy as I stared out enjoying every bit of the loud crowd. "Thank you Washington D.C! So far you guys have been the loudest on these few stops I have made, and I am so thankful you have let my band and I come here and perform for you all. I want to introduce you all to the wonderful band mates I have." I stood off to the side to give a better view.
I was enjoying every moment of this crowd. The adrenaline I get when I sing on stage rushes through my veins each time.
"Okay everybody I want to introduce you to my band. They are all wonderful and talented individuals. To my left we have Kasey who is killer at guitar," I said raising my arm towards her.
She went off starting with the slow melody of 'Think Before I talk' that turned into a huge guitar solo. I swayed my head to the beat.
"Back there doing an amazing job Will on the drums." I listened as Will did his own thing going at his his pace until Kasey and him joined together going slowly back to 'Think before I talk.'
"Do your thing Bradley!" I pointed towards my bass player. He did a nice slow solo before repeating what Kasey and Will did. Avery stood over her keyboard where she started playing Mozart while humming in the microphone. Her fingers slowed down slowly towards 'Think before I talk' while Kasey over powered with the few chords.
"I said I hate you I was angry.. I got so mad I slammed your door," I sang as I motioned me slamming a door. "You know I really love you baby.. I didn't mean to start a war.." singing this song reminds me of all the times Shawn and I have had little fights that I over exaggerate. This song actually makes me laugh a little since I wrote a whole song admitting I am dramatic.
It's true sometimes I throw around stupid things that I feel paranoid about because of my own securities. I know Shawn would never do half of the stuff I throw in his face, and easily shuts down my words. Half of the time he laughs at me before wrapping me into a bone crushing hug that calms me down.
*
I ran off stage smiling like a maniac as I could hear the crowd all starting to chant ' encore' together. Usually it would take a little longer for the crowd to get so loud, but they were quick. I turned to Anna who was clenching her backstage staff pass in her hand. She was excited to watch me run on stage again.
I was handed a water bottle that I didn't turn away. The water cooled down my throat as I chugged the bottle.
"Two more songs!" Jamie yelled to me. "Your show is running a little behind schedule and we need to be packing up soon." I gave her a pouty lip known damn well I was going to do three.
I walked out on the stage alone without my band. I always do three songs. Two are mine off of my last album and I do a cover.
The crowd started screaming as I waved to them. The lights dimmed down as I walked to the piano. I took a seat and adjusted my microphone onto the stand.
"Thanks for wanting me back. I decided I just want to do one last slow song for the night. It Is a song dearest to my heart that means a lot to me and Shawn. I've been missing him a lot, so I decided to sing this special song." The crowd cheered at me speaking about Shawn.
I looked at them shyly as I started the first two chords. Right away they knew which song it was and started screaming really loud. As I carried on with the piano keys the crowd got silent. Phone light started popping up as they moved back and forth to the beat.
"I love it when you just don't care. I love it when you dance like there is nobody there. So when it gets hard don't be afraid, we don't care what them people say. I love when you don't take "no" I love it when you do what you want 'cause you just said so. Let them all go home, we out late.. we don't care what them people say."
I kept playing the piano as the crowd sang the chorus loudly causing me to get emotional. The lyrics to the song are just beautiful, and makes me even more sad that Shawn is so far away. All the times we would sing this song to me in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep.
I could hear his soft snores coming from behind me as his hand lazily laid across my body. I was turned to the side resting my head on my arm as I stared out at the window where I could see the moonlight.
My eyes blinked naturally as I laid wide awake. I couldn't find myself to go back to sleep after waking up twenty minutes ago.
Slowly I snuck out of bed trying not to move a lot. I didn't want to wake him up since he has been waking up a lot from me in the middle of the nights. My bare feet walked towards the bay window. I sat down on the cushion as I stared out at the sky. The moon was slowly sinking as the minutes ticked away towards morning. The stars were still visible showing me the constellation I could remember from seventh grade.
"Babe," his raspy voice said from the bed. I looked over at his sleepy face and his eyes practically closed. "I'll stay up with you if you can't sleep."
"No you need to sleep, I'll be fine," I told him trying to convince myself I'll be okay with my thoughts.
"Let me help you. Just come lay back down," he said pointing out my empty side of the bed. I agreed to lay back down knowing he will fall asleep again and I can sit back at the bay window.
I rolled into his chest and listened to his heart beat as he played with my hair.
His soft voice started singing lightly to me. The one song that is from the very beginning of our relationship. "I love when you just don't care.. I love it when you dance like there's nobody there.." I listened to him singing as I actually tried to fall asleep. His voice is just so calming and soothing that it makes me feel secure.
"Life of the party, so don't let them keep you down. Oh you know you can't give up. Cause we don't have the time to be sorry, so baby be the life of the party."
The crowd let out screams as I finished the song and stood up to my mic stand. The band had already joined me on stage all smiling at the energy from the crowd.
Avery started the next song hitting the piano keys slowly. "You don't make it easy for meee.. if I let go imagine where we would be. If I spent less time trying to make up my mind, then I would see your exactly what I would need. Stop reading my mind your searching for signs, I'll meet you half way. It's taking me time to say the words that I find that are easy to say..."
"Sing it!" I shouted as I pointed the mic to the crowd at the perfect time.
"Why don't you drown me in your love! When I fall down you will pick me back up?"
"Who will save me from myself? When I see you there's nobody else. Why don't you drown me in your love?"
Avery and Will sung in the background as the background vocals adding a special feeling to the live performance.
I loved singing my older songs because the lyrics all represent that time of my life. I know where I got inspiration for some of the lyrics and only I know the truth. Like my very first single I released, On Purpose, is all about how I found Shawn at a point in my life I felt he was brought to me because I needed him.
That is why I save On Purpose for my last song to perform every night. It is my precious baby. Like most people say save the best for last like I do with my starburst. I always leave myself one red one to finish the pack.
I looked over at the side of the stage to see Jamie tapping her watch. She gave me the mom look telling me I am disobeying her, but I wanted to sing Shawn's song. I shrugged my shoulders and started singing my first single like the very first time.