My breath hitched and goosebumps appeared all over my arms and legs. Slowly my heart started racing more and more.
Kade has left us alone for almost a year now. Ever since he followed us all to the Bahamas and threatened me. Again Shawn protected me. That was the trip I realized I needed Shawn back, and that is the trip he asked me to be his again. I freaking love that boy with all my heart.
Now Kade knows where I live. He knows the address of the house I sleep in every night for hours and hours. What if he already knew my address, and was watching us? What if he has been inside the house without any of us knowing?
I just don't want anything to ruin my relationship with Shawn especially after our fight we just had. I know I need to tell him otherwise we are going to fight again about me not telling him, but I don't want to worry him. I have all the guys living in the house protecting me. Plus in not too long we will be moving out into our house together.
"Madisyn?" Matt asked trying to get my attention.
"What?" I asked as I cut off my brain from thinking any farther.
"We are here," he said as he unbuckled.
I took a deep breath preparing myself for seeing Addy looking sick; her little body weak. I grabbed my phone leaving everything else in the car. Matt grabbed the bouquet of flowers and balloons he bought for her before he picked me up, and we both walked into the hospital.
Jamie had previously texted us what room Addy was on and the floor, so we don't have to ask receptionist. We got to her room, but I stopped before looking in.
It's the same hospital Jenna was at. The same hospital that we found out she left us all, that she would never run into my arms hugging me with her small hands. Addy and Jenna are the same age, and I'm so attached to Addy all because I see her like Jenna. If I lose Addy too I don't know how I'll cope again.
"Are you okay?" Matt asked stopping in front of me to talk.
"Yeah, I just needed to stop for a second." I walked passed him and put a smile on my face as I enter red the room. I saw Katie and Jason sitting in there with Addy by her side as they read her a book with a colorful cover.
"Hi baby girl," I smiled as I walked up to give her a hug.
"Hi Addy, look what we got," Matt smiled setting it all down. "It's from Madisyn, Shawn, and I."
"Where is Shawn?" She asked looking around.
"He is in Canada but he will be coming here in a few days." I walked over to Jason and Katie to give them both hugs.
They all looked so tired. I can't imagine being in their situation and holding it together so well like them. I know they are trying to hold it together as much as they can for Addy's sake.
"Did you hear where Mom is?" Katie asked me.
I looked around and finally noticed that Jamie was indeed not in the room, and now Matt was leaving to take a call.
"She's giving Addy one of her kidneys!"
I didn't know Addy needed a new kidney. It must be her most recent complications. Not too long ago she was having a little bit of kidney problems, but nothing too extreme. Stones just passed, and since then her kidneys haven't had any problems.
I am glad that Jamie is a match, and Addy doesn't have to be put on a donor list. Those list take forever to get an organ. Right now it looks like Addy wouldn't of had that long.
I walked up to Addy, and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "I will see you when you get out. You are strong, and you are getting close to winning, so don't give up." She gave me a smile, and I squeezed her hand before walking towards Katie.
"You take care of your dad he is going to need lots of company and love while you guys wait. I will be back when Addy gets out and is in recovery one. I'll bring you guys back some stuff to help you all get comfortable," I smiled. I gave Addy and Jason a hug before walking towards Matt who started walking back into the room.
"I am going to stay here with them if you don't mind. Just take my car, and get home, but make sure you lock the doors. I don't know if anyone is home," Matt told me. I nodded my head, and gave him a hug. He handed me his keys. I grabbed them, and started making my way towards outside.
I had the keys in my hand, and made it the car fast as I looked all around my settings. I felt so paranoid being by myself. especially since there is no one else in the parking lot. I hurried up and got into the car panting as my heart raced and my hands sweat. I quickly locked the doors, and took a deep breath.
I felt my self sobbing as I felt so scared. I only left a building and I already feel like I am in danger. I just feel like Kade is watching my every move. Like he is around the corner watching me from afar planning something devious.
I hurried up, and left the parking lot wanting to get on the busy streets filled with witnesses. I kept checking my mirrors making sure no car was following me.
I finally pulled into the driveway, but before I could leave I checked next door to see if anyone was home. Which thankfully it looked like Jack, Johnson, and Kian were home. So if I scream they will see me. On all three of our front lawn there were signs up showing everyone the houses were available. It looked like when I was in Canada they got a realtor.
I got out, and grabbed all my bags trying to make it a one trip kind of thing. I trudged my overly whelmed, exhausted, and saddened body into the house. It all looked the same, but more clean as if Nash had cleaned it.
"Hello?" I asked walking slowly looking around if anyone was home. No one called out, so I decided to put my bags upstairs. I wasn't in the mood to unpack.
I feel so emotional and vulnerable which is personally the best time to write music. All of your emotions are out in the open making it easy to let the words pour out. On the way over here I wrote some heart filled lyrics in my journal. Some lyrics that I am in love with since I feel like so many people car relate to them.
I sat down on the bench for the piano near the window that out looked the backyard view. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, and the sun beams were hitting me making me feel warm.
I closed my eyes, and started messing around with the keys to make a melody. I hummed getting down the feel, and started singing the lyrics I had written down.
"So cold alone, could you be my blanket? Surround me alone when my heart feels naked." I stopped singing, and looked back the lyrics wanting to change the last line a little bit. When the answers escaped my mind. "Surround my bones when my heart feels naked." I paused and looked at the keys. "C major would sound better." I tried them all together, and I was right.
"No strength, too weak, I could use some saving, and you're love's so strong.." I took a deep breath and stopped close to losing my shit. I wanted to just cry my eyes out and let the warm tears run down my face right onto the black and white keys making a river of tears.
"You are okay Madisyn. Shawn is your savior and he will be here in a couple days, and you can feel safe again."
I may feel so scared right now, but I know that Shawn will protect me like he always does. He is my hero and I just feel like I need him here with me. I know I told him to stay, and it is the right thing to do, but I just want him by my side. I want him sitting next to me now holding me in his arms telling me Kade will never hurt me.
"Like a pill I take it, I take it, I take it, Like a pill, your love, I take it, I take it, I take it, Like a pill, your love, I take it! When my world gets loud, could you make it quiet down? When my head, it pounds, could you turn down all the sound? If I lay in pain, by my side would you stay?If I need you now, would you kindly calm me down?
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, would you kindly calm me down?"
I heard the front door open using a key knowing it had to be Cam, Nash, or Hayes since they are the only other three that have keys. I kept playing the melody as I closed my eyes and was slowly moving to the song.
"When my heart's not pure, Would you kill my disease? And when there's no cure, You are just what I need.." I looked up when I heard the keys hit the counter. My eyes started stinging as I saw Shawn standing there with his bags surrounding him on the ground including his guitar case.
I got up quickly, and ran into his arms. He stroked my hair as I sobbed into his shoulders. "I know you said you would break up with me, but I wouldn't allow it because I love you too much to let you go through this without me. Matt called me to tell me Addy was in the hospital," Shawn told me as he just held me.
"Shawn I am so scared. Without you next to me I felt so scared," I cried.
"I know baby. Matt told me about Jade too, and if he every goes near you it will be the last thing he ever does, and that is a promise. I am not going to let him hurt you ever again not with me breathing the air on this Earth. We are going to go to the police with this and get a restraining order and more security."
I nodded my head, and just let him hold me there in the middle of the house. His warmth surrounded me as I drifted off in his arms. His scent made me feel at home. He is the one who I truly could never live without. I would never leave him for all the money in the world. We could both be homeless and I would still feel at home in his arms.
*
We laid on the couch talking about ways we can start securing our new house. Since Jamie is going to be out for a little bit Anna is stepping up to the plate. She always goes to all my meetings, so she knows everything going on. Plus Jamie usually keeps her in the loop with new ideas. We are going to call our realtor tomorrow, and ask if we can bump up the moving date due to some circumstances.
Shawn and I both scrolled though twitter, and were creeping on some fan pages. Honestly I love the reaction of them when they realize we have noticed them.
"Ahh look at this one," I laughed showing a picture the account posted. It was a picture she photo shopped of her and Shawn. I laughed as I handed him the phone letting him process it. "Please tweet at her."
He handed me my phone back, and started tweeting at her. I scrolled through another account, and noticed they replied to an article written.
@Littlemrespin0: This article is bullshit! Just because she is having a hard time doesn't mean Shawn and her broke up!
I clicked on the article titled 'Did Another Celeb Couple End It?'
2015 has been a big year of celebrity break ups and scandals ranging from tv lovebirds Miss Piggy and Kermit, to country couple Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton. One couple we would of never imagined was the young singers Shawn Mendes and Madisyn Espinosa.
The duo started back in 2013 when they both toured together where they last for months. They sadly broke up and started seeing other people making everyone believe they were done for good since they seemed so happy. Then shocked the internet when Madisyn posted "boyfriend tag" with Shawn.
Since then the two seemed to be so happy even thought they had lots of distance between them for half of the time. Madisyn always found ways to see her boyfriend while he toured with Taylor Swift for her 1989 tour. Just recently for Shawn's birthday Madisyn surprised him by flying up to Portland for his birthday.
Now we have evidence to believe that the happy couple isn't so happy or a couple anymore. The two both took a break from work and visited Shawn's family in Ontario. While there they both shared happy pictures together and with the family until the last two days Madisyn was there.
The trip was cut short when Madisyn was seen leaving three days early looking quite sad for the day of her new single 'Good For You'. No smiled appeared on her face until she greeted some fans that she ran into, but then it quickly disappeared.
She was later picked up at LAX by her old brother Matthew Espinosa. A little brother love should help her get through this hard time. At least she can relate to her close friend Jack Gilinsky who just got to Split-Town weeks ago.
I exited the article and laughed. Just because I was looking sad and left the trip early doesn't mean anything. They should really stop assuming shit just to make the media frenzy. Reports just love to make up lies.
"Shawn I am sorry, but we can't be cuddling because apparently we are broken up," I laughed scooting away from him.
"My bad I will just go move to another couch, but before I want to ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend again, again," he asked.
I nodded my head and gave him a kiss. This nerd does know how to ease my nerves.
@Madisynespinosa: It has been a hard day, but thankfully I have had my best friend by me all day (1 attachment)
I posted a picture of the two of us cuddling on the couch to shut down all those break-up rumors.
That will set aside the rumors for now. There is going to be more accusations that Shawn and I have broken up just like Kim and Kanye get a divorce every month. It's just life when in the eye of the public.
"Maddie?" I turned to look and saw Cam walk in with Nash and Hayes.
"Hi guys," I smiled standing up to hug each one. "Wow Hayes feels like you grow inches every week," I laughed.
"How is Addy doing?" Nash asked.
"She is getting a kidney transplant as we speak. Jamie is giving her one of hers so it is critical that it takes otherwise things won't be looking too good," I breathed.
The guys noticed Shawn as he stood up and gave him a little cheer since they didn't know he was coming as well. Apparently only Matt knew about Shawn coming home.
"Well we have to go in a little bit keep Shawn company while I go see Jack and Jack," I told them while walking out the door.
"Hey Maddie do a video with me tomorrow?" Jc asked standing halfway through his Jeep.
"You got it Jc any kind you want," I smiled as I walked into the house.
Carter and Taylor stood in the kitchen holding two cans in their hands. They must be drinking no party tonight I'm taking it?
"Guess who's back, back again, this bitch is back, back again," I sang doing a little dance.
"Mads! My favorite person of all time!" Taylor laughed as he pulled out his phone to Snapchat us.
"Okay Taylor get to bed and stop drinking. Don't you have a meeting tomorrow or something? And Carter make sure this fool has some water by his bed."
Carted nodded his head, "Will do."
I walked upstairs to find Jack and Jack in their recording room making some new music. "Boys I missed you," I said giving Gilinsky a hug as I walked up to him. "How have you been?" I asked.
"I don't even know, lost?"
"I'm going to help you through this," I said giving him a slight encouraging smile.
"I am going to get us some beers for us," Gilinsky said leaving the room.
I looked at Johnson, and gave him a 'what the fuck do we do' face. At this point I am kind of lost on what to do.
"I don't think she's pregnant Madisyn!" Johnson yelled once he knew he was down stairs.
"I freaking agree since it take a little to know that you are pregnant, and she still isn't showing! Her last picture she posted was in a bikini and she still isn't showing! Nothing has changed!" I said running one of my hands through my hair.
"Okay well I will talk to the other dude-"
Gilinsky walked in making the room go silence. "Yeah so I got to leave now to do all of that stuff for Jamie. It was nice seeing you guys again I'll see you tomorrow." I gave them both a hug and told Johnson to text me when I did hug him.
"Hey babe I was just about to get you," Shawn said on the front porch.
"Yeah don't forget we need to stop to get food and maybe some teddy bears and toys for Addy and Katie." I decided against letting Shawn drive since he gets confused on these LA highways, and drove myself.
First we stopped at Target, and got little games for the girls to play, a big teddy bear for Addy, a sketchbook set for Katie, and two cards one for Jamie and one for Addy.
Next we stopped at Ralph's to get flower bouquets for the two lovely patients and balloons. I got Addy lots of purple and blue star shaped balloons since those are her favorite colors.
Lastly we went to the one and only McDonalds. We got so much food I am pretty sure we could feed an army. We weren't sure what to get everyone, so we have just ordered almost everything off the menu. I think we have over fifty chicken nuggets.
"I think this is enough food," Shawn said putting everything by his feet and on his lap.
When we got to the hospital both of our hands were full. WE had to shove as much as we could in each bag just to carry it all in on one trip. Thankfully Matt met us as the elevator to grab the food from our hands.
We walked in, and both of the girls were still sleeping. "Hi guys, nice seeing you again Shawn," Jason smiled.
"How are they?" Shawn asked.
Both of them laid pale in their beds with htheir eyes closed, and ivys sticking out of their hands.
"They woke up in recovery one, but they fell back asleep. The doctors said everything went well, and there is a big chance the kidney will take." We nodded our heads, and started setting everything down.
I set the big stuffed bear next to Addy's flowers and balloons. Shawn set down Jamie's flowers and balloons on the other side of the room, and Matt took all the food and drinks out.
"We got you something to Katie. We know you like to draw," I smiled handing her a new sketchbook with pencils.
"Thank you guys," she said hugging us.
We all sat down around the little table in the room, and ate together keeping very little conversation. WE made so little on noises waiting for them to wake up.
"So I was with Jamie before she went in and told me that E network wants you to have a reality tv show. Also that you brother has got a main role for a movie," Matt smiled.
"That's great! We can celebrate tomorrow night," I cheered giving him a hug.
I stuck a chicken nugget in my mouth and took a drink of my water. I saw Jason's head pop up when one of the bed blankets started making noises. We all turned out heads and saw Jamie moving around slowly with a painful look.
"Honey we are right here," Jason said quickly grabbing her hand.
We all gathered around her, and I noticed her whole torso wrapped. She's going to have a huge scar down her right side of her torso.
"Do you need some water?" I asked grabbing the small cup filled with ice cold water. She nodded her head with her eyes closing again. I bent the straw, and held it as she took small sips. "Take it slowly."
She pulled away and rested her head down again. She winced and small tears came out of her eyes, "it hurts." I grabbed the remote and pushed the nurse button.
"I'm getting a nurse hold on babes."
I started hearing whining coming from behind me. I turned and grabbed Addy's hand. "Hi baby girl, the nurse is to help with the pain just be patient." The nurse walked in smiling like they always are.
"Great to see you two awake! I'm going to help with the pain give you some morphine," the nurse said injecting it into their ivys. "Visiting hours are almost over, so we will get cots set up for you two, but everyone else will have to leave."
She left the room, and soon all of us were getting ready to leave. Addy and Jamie fell back asleep, and the three of us started gathering everything. Jason and Katie started pulling out their bedding to make their beds.
"We can come tomorrow, and drop off anything you guys need," I told Jason while hugging him.
"Okay I'll see you guys tomorrow."
The three of us grabbed our things, and left the hospital. Matt drove us home keeping conversation about his new movie. 'Be Somebody' it sounds like the perfect fit for Matthew.
I grabbed Shawn's hand as we sat in the backseat, and just cuddled up closer to him. He leaned his head on mine, and gave me a soft kiss on my head.
He could be in Canada right now, but instead he decided to come be my support system after I threatened him to come. I'm actually so glad he came home. He is the one I need during this time especially if I am having to deal with Kade again.
Honestly life would of been so much easier if I never got with Kade. I was so fooled by the bad boy jockey personality he had. Key word had. Now he is just some freaking stalker that keeps threatening me.
I looked up seeing red and blue flashing lights sending my heart racing. I stood up straight alarmed as I saw three cop cars with sirens lights on and other cars parked in front of our house.
"Matt what's going on?" I asked.
"I don't know Maddie."
I looked at Shawn and he was just as scared as me. He gave my hand a squeeze still looking out at the lights.