Quinn & Negan, Alexandria
"Are you serious?!" I couldn't believe what I just heard.
Negan spread his arms, then shrugged his shoulder.
"I had to do it. I wanted to earn her trust," he said.
I still couldn't believe it. I stood up and started pacing, avoiding his eyes.
"Quinn... I am truly sorry," he said and stood up as well. I kept pacing, staring at the ground. He continued: "I didn't want to... but she trusted me easily this way," he tried to explain, but I was about to explode.
I stopped pacing, still avoiding his eyes.
"You had a relationship with that woman who murdered my friends..." I said, but just as I said it out loud, I realized what I said: "Geez... that's what everyone else thinks about me."
"No, it's not like that," he tried to explain. "I had no choice, I wanted to stay alive and earn her trust. Our case is entirely different."
I started pacing again.
"I have no idea what to say," I said frustrated.
"Don't forget that I thought... I thought you were..." he said like every word hurt him and couldn't even finish it.
I chuckled sarcastically.
"Now I wish I would really be."
"Don't say that, please."
"I just told Carol that I feel like we have to start all over again because so many years passed but... I had no idea something like this would come up."
Negan exhaled sharply.
"Quinn, I told you this, because I went through this situation once and I don't want to do it again."
"What are you talking about?"
"I cheated on Lucille. But it was even worse because that was my decision, I wasn't forced, I didn't do it because I was scared for my life. I did that because I wanted to do it and I told Lucille only at the very end when she was... I regret it. I should have told her or better, I should have never cheated in the first place. And I would never do that to you. I thought you were gone. I thought I'll never see you again, only maybe on the other side. But I would doubt even that because you would go to heaven and I will definitely go to hell. My point is, I wouldn't have done it if I had another option. I didn't think we would ever meet again and I had to save my ass."
I listened to him, then I exhaled furiously. Finally, I looked him in the eye.
"I have no idea what to say. You are right, you thought I was dead, I understand that on the logical level... but at the same time I'm so fucking angry, and..." my mouth winced. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I didn't finish the sentence, I headed to the door, to escape. I couldn't stop my tears. Just as I couldn't stop my anger.
"Quinn! I'm sorry!" he said to my back as I was leaving. He followed me to the door, but then, he stopped. I hurried away. I saw Daryl from the corner of my eye, this time he was smoking a cigarette on Michonne's porch. He threw it away and sprang to his feet as soon as he saw me crying.
"What did you do to her?" he asked approaching Negan with long steps, he looked scary. I stopped to watch what was happening. Negan held up his hands innocently.
"I told her something, that upset her. But it's none of your business," he said defensively. Daryl pushed Negan's chest.
I was so upset, I didn't want any more drama. I just wanted to run away, so I did. I ran to the pond. It was a beautiful afternoon, too beautiful to ruin it like this. When I got there, I collapsed on my knees, my tears falling. I sat down, pulled up my knees, and put my forehead on them. I was sobbing quietly when I heard footsteps. I didn't know who it was, I didn't care either. That someone sat next to me. After a couple of minutes, I held up my head to look who it was. I was surprised to see Daryl. He looked me in the eye curiously. He looked like hell. I was sure he had another fight with Carol because of Carol's happy hour with Ezekiel. I turned my gaze at the pond.
"What?" I asked, not looking at him.
"Did he hurt ya?" Daryl asked softly.
"No," I said confidently, wiping my eyes.
"Then what?" he asked.
"He had a relationship with... someone at the whisperer camp," I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Daryl didn't say anything, so I glanced at him, he looked puzzled. Like he didn't know what a relationship was. Of course, he knew, but he made a funny face.
"So he did hurt ya," he said. "Not physically."
I shook my head disbelievingly.
"Leave me alone, Daryl!" I raised my voice a little. He didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, just examined me with his eyes. Then he continued.
"I know why you're like this," said Daryl, still talking quietly, like he was trying to soothe me, it was so strange. He never did that before. Or maybe once, when Siddiq operated on my stomach. "You're mad at me again because I hit him. But he blocked the road and burnt down Hilltop..."
"He didn't," I interrupted him irritatedly. "And you know that. You know exactly how he saved Judith and Lydia. You were just crazy because you were tired," I said, while I wiped away my tears.
"Maybe," he admitted, feeling guilty.
I shook my head disbelievingly.
"I don't want to discuss my love life with you," I stated.
He nodded silently.
"I'm sorry. I'm a jerk," he said quietly.
"Yeah, you are," I wiped away my tears once more, then I continued: "I always wondered what it was like to have a brother. I guess it's like this," I said with a sad smile. He looked me in the eye surprised, then he smiled. Like really. I barely saw him smile, so it made my mood better immediately. I turned my gaze back at the pond, he did as well. After a couple of minutes, he turned to me again.
"Want me to teach him some manners?" he asked, joking.
"Let him be. But thanks for asking," I said. He patted my back gently to calm me. I was looking at the pond for a little while. Water always calmed me down.
"What's up with Carol?" I asked, not taking my eyes off of the water. "I know you heard."
He didn't answer immediately, so I glanced at him. His smile disappeared like it never happened. This time he shook his head. I continued.
"I know you are angry with her, because of Connie, but she was desperately trying to save Henry. You know what she's been through, with Sophia... Lizzie... Mika... You know."
He nodded silently, looking me in the eye. I continued.
"You should make a move on her. Really. She would calm down."
"She'll never calm down," he said.
"I don't want to step into your privacy, but why haven't you?"
He seemed like he was thinking very hard.
"I tried. Once..." he said after a little while, unsurely. "But some shit always comes in the way. I can't think about anything like this when we are in danger, when something is more important, like finding food or running for our lives. Or fighting wars against assholes," he said referring to Negan.
"Ouch," I said. "You're right. I get it. But now you should really get a move on her. Really. It's time now. In fact, it has been long due."
"I know," he said barely audible.
"She doesn't love Ezekiel anymore. She is lonely. She wouldn't do anything like this if you were together."
Daryl glanced at me then he nodded slightly. I wasn't sure I convinced him. This time I was the one who patted his back.
...
After Carol heard some yelling, she came outside too. She saw Quinn running away, Daryl threatening Negan, then followed Quinn. Carol watched the scene questioningly. When Negan was left alone on the porch, their eyes met.
"What happened?" asked Carol.
Negan shook his head, indicating he didn't want to talk about it, but Carol didn't leave it. She approached Negan.
"What happened?" she asked again, more threateningly.
"I told her something that upset her."
"What?"
Negan was angry.
"I cheated on her," he said through gritted teeth. Of course, Carol knew immediately.
"You thought she was dead... Jesus Christ. But that's not even cheating!"
"It wasn't my intention. I told her, but she got so upset," said Negan.
"I'll talk to her," said Carol.
"I want to talk to her too," said Negan. They headed in the direction where they saw Quinn run off. When they reached the pond, they saw Quinn and Daryl sitting side by side, almost cuddling. Carol and Negan stopped dead at the same time. They changed glances.
"This is not what you think it is," said Carol. At least I hope so. – she added in her head.
Negan nodded silently, but still, he looked worried.
"Probably you shouldn't talk to her right now. Maybe later," said Carol. Negan nodded again and watched Carol approach them, while he stayed where he was. He just put his hands in his pocket and was waiting for his turn, to talk to Quinn.
...
We were just sitting there with Daryl, didn't say another word. Romance wasn't Daryl's strength, so he couldn't say anything more about Negan's cheating or his relationship with Carol. Suddenly she appeared as I was thinking about her.
"Can I talk to Quinn?" she asked. Daryl glanced at Carol, then at me, gathered himself to stand up. I wiped my tears away.
"Thank you, Daryl," I said. Daryl slightly smiled at me, then he left us. I just realized Negan was standing over there, Daryl stared at him as he walked past by him. Negan stood his gaze, then turned his eyes back at me. I quickly looked somewhere else. My heart was aching. There he was, this amazing man, whom I was in love with and yet I felt so far away from him once again.
Carol sat next to me this time. I glanced at Negan, he looked worried and sad. He was standing further away, he couldn't hear what we were talking about. We locked eyes for a moment, then he turned his back on us and left. I turned my gaze back at the water.
"I hope you're not jealous," I said. "Daryl just tried to comfort me."
"I know," Carol said. After a couple of minutes, she continued: "Negan told me what happened."
"Great... I know he thought I was dead, but still. I'm so angry and disappointed. The thought that I never had a chance to be with him like that, but several other women did... It pains me."
"I know it hurts..." said Carol. "I feel the same way when I think about Daryl and... Leah."
"Why are we so unfortunate? We should just go for them and don't let any other women get near them..."
Carol chuckled sarcastically. I continued:
"I don't know what to do now. I just feel this pain in my heart..."
"It'll get better with time," she said. "This is the last day here... we should get drunk."
"I'm in," I said without thinking.
We hurried to the stock and stole two bottles of wine. We headed back to the pond and started drinking. The sun was about to go down.
"I know it doesn't solve anything... but I want to turn off my brain for a little while," I said.
"Yeah, me too," said Carol. We clinked the two bottles and started drinking. We became tipsy very soon.
"I feel so awkward, you know?" I said. "Negan is right here and I don't know what to do. I feel like a teenager. I didn't have sex in ages, I don't even remember how to start it."
"Now you know what I feel when it comes to Daryl," said Carol.
"When you say he is too important... I get it now. You are scared you will lose him. Not because of death, but because you're scared of being friend-zoned."
"Yes. Exactly."
"What should we do? It's not solving anythin' if we just jump on them."
"Look... Negan told you about this incident because you are important to him and this means he doesn't want any lies between you two. You should keep that in mind."
"You're right. I reacted in such a childish way."
"Don't think about it, you'll quickly get over it and get on with your relationship," said Carol and took a sip of wine.
"Did you have a fight with Daryl again? He looked weary," I asked to change the topic.
"Yeah. Of course, I had... He heard by the window that I had sex with Ezekiel."
"What did he say?"
"That's it. He didn't say anything. He is still mad at me for Connie... You were right, this didn't help the situation."
"He must be hurting. And yet, he was trying to comfort me."
"Yeah, he always does that."
We stayed silent for a while, just drinking. I was staring at the pond in front of us.
"I can't believe we have to abandon Alexandria," she said.
"It's so scary. I haven't lived outside of a community for a very long time."
"Well, you'll get used to it quickly," said Carol grumpily. I looked at her, it seemed like her mood changed.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I hate Daryl," she said even more grumpily. I chuckled.
"Come ooon. You're just drunk. You'll love him again in the mornin'," I said. She looked at me.
"I hate him for not making a move. How did he even get together with Leah?!" she said a little bit louder, jealous.
"Ssshhh, he'll hear you," I said. "But you're right. I have no idea."
"I'm gonna ask 'im," she said and gathered herself to go to Daryl.
"I don't think that's a good idea, but I want to hear it too," I said and followed Carol. We headed to Michonne's house.
...
Listen to "Broken Pieces Shine" by Evanescence.
Thank You for reading! ❤