A little bit dangerous

Chapter 50 : Discussions

Max woke up with difficulties; the headache was making impossible every movement. But she had to work so she took an aspirin and left her apartment, even if she would have preferred staying in there to die. She mechanically did her work, serving people she barely looked at; her own parents could have been there, she wouldn't have noticed them! Anyway, the rush was over and now she was dying on her counter when two hands appeared in her field of vision. She straightened and was going to ask them what they wanted, but she froze when she saw who it was.

- "Um, hi?" frowned the redhead. "Uh, look, for yesterday—"

- "We were drunk, and I just wanted to have sex, that's all," answered sharply Jane.

- "Um, ok, at least it is clear! But...I, I thought you were not a dyke!?"

- "Why do you care!?"

- "I don't, I fucking don't! So that's it!? You insult people, then you manipulate them by acting cute, soft, and nice to make them feel sorry for you, to think that you're a fucking victim, like that you can fuck who the hell you want! Well, good job, because I believed you, I really thought you could be a better person with actual goal in her life, with a heart, with fucking feelings! But no, it was just fucking fake, because repressing emotions is so fucking tough, right!? Let me tell you something, it's not! This is fucking weak and stupid! All you'll have by doing this is loneliness, a bad mental health, and just yourself to blame! Maybe it explains why you're such an asshole, you're unable to understand that people have feelings! Sharing feelings is fucking tough, being able to put words on your pain is fucking strong, and there is no shame to ask for help, everybody needs help at a moment in their life! You're turning your back to the wrong persons, many people want to give you a chance, I wanted it too! But the only person who is not giving you a chance, it's you and only you."

The redhead looked into the other girl's eyes, but, as usual, she was emotionless, like if she barely listened to her monologue.

- "You're done!?" asked sharply Jane.

- "No. I don't think you're mean; I just think you're a lost soul."

- "Touching. Can I have my fucking hot chocolate now!?"

- "To drink here or to take out?"

- "Take out."

Max nodded and turned to prepare her order. It was just a waste of time, energy, and saliva. A wall was more cooperative than her. The redhead gave Jane her order without expecting a "thank you". The brunette paid and left the coffee shop, angrier than she was. Jane wandered a moment in the town her drink in her hands, when she finally found Medhi, Mallory, and Melissa in the park.

- "Hey Jane, what's up?" asked Medhi.

- "Nothing."

- "You're in a good mood today!" said ironically Melissa. "What's wrong!?"

- "Nothing, I'm fine!" got angry Jane.

- "Calm down, dickhead! Just because I didn't kick your ass yesterday doesn't mean I won't do it now!"

- "Come on, do it! I'm waiting! You talk a lot, but you don't do much!"

- "(angrily stands) You really wanna fight me now!? That's all you have to do!?"

- "I'm not scared of you, you're a pussy!"

Melissa brutally pushed Jane. The brunette did the same, more violently than Melissa's push, which made fall the purple-haired girl. Melissa quickly stood and slapped Jane again and again, not giving her opponent the opportunity to fight back. Even if she could have, Jane wouldn't have fought back, it wasn't the goal of her provocation. Mallory and Medhi both grabbed Melissa and took her away, while Jane didn't move.

- "Jane, what the fuck!?" told Mallory.

The blonde girl let Medhi and Melissa before taking Jane apart. Mallory put her hand on Jane's cheek, but the brunette brutally pushed it away.

- "What's wrong?"

- "Nothing."

- "I'm worried for you, I...look, I know your days in Blackbirds must have been hard—"

- "It's not that," answered Jane, gritting her teeth.

- "You're sure? Medhi's brother was moody too..."

- "It's not...! It's not just that!"

- "What is it then? Talk to me, you can trust me," said softly Mallory.

Jane clenched her jaw and closed her fists, looking down, to calm herself. She didn't want to make the same mistake with her, Mallory wasn't the problem.

- "Tell me, what's in your mind?"

- "I just...I don't control anything anymore!" told Jane.

- "What do you need to control?"

- "Everything! I was controlling...me, and I had a group who was following me! But now, they all betrayed me, I don't control myself, I'm nobody! They even think I'm betraying them!"

- "Who?"

- "The gang!"

- "Are you?"

- "No! I'm just...I don't know, I need some time, but I don't have time! Leonard had the fucking great idea to prepare a war with another gang!"

- "What!? You're gonna fight!?" asked Mallory with a terrified tone.

- "I don't have the choice!"

- "Yes, you have! I don't want you to fight!"

- "I will! But I don't like it either! If I get caught, they'll send me back in Blackbirds, but for life this time!"

- "You could die in that war!"

- "I don't care to die, I don't wanna go back in jail!"

Mallory didn't answer. It was the first time since a while that she hadn't seen Jane so scared like that. And she wasn't even scared to die, jail was worse than death.

- "Maybe you could hide? Maybe we can find a place where you could stay?" proposed Mallory.

- "There is nowhere to hide, he will know that I'm hiding! I don't wanna spend my life hiding from him! I have to kill him!"

- "No...don't do that..."

- "It's the only solution! I kill him and then the gang is mine!"

- "And then what? You lead a gang!?"

- "I...I don't know, why not? It's the only thing I can do!"

- "No, that's not true!"

- "That's true and you know it! I can't stay, Leonard planned a meeting in a few minutes. Don't stay outside next Friday, ok? Tell the others and all the people you can, ok?"

- "Um, yeah, ok. Wait, Jane! Be careful, I don't want you to die."

- "I won't. I'm Crazy Jane, don't forget that," affirmed Jane.

The brunette nodded like if she was sure she wouldn't die, but she didn't know. She left without trying to make things up with Melissa. She was terrified by this stupid war, she didn't want to go back in jail, she was tired to suffer, it was too much, she couldn't handle it anymore.