The recollection of my misunderstood thoughts.

Idek

18 Oct 2014
Sore eyes

Tired feet

I'm sick of all the lies,

I'm sick if the inevitable defeat.

I stand up just to be hit down.

I try and keep stable.

If it were up to me I'd leave this town

Everything's gone except the kitchen table

Drowning in a world without justice

3am thoughts in bed

Feeling like we've all fucked it.

Different thoughts, different times but all the same drifting through my head.

Spinning in the world with just one axis.

We one day will all be dead.

Half my life I've lived this hell

Of someone so inconsiderate and nasty.

I want to do well

While struggling I keep it classy

It ceases to amaze me

The things that he did

He's a coward, that's all he will be.

My sisters just a kid.

Every night the moonlight shines

Dark is brighter than bright

It helps you see everything without the rush if time.

Everything's clearer amongst the fog of the night.

The night whispers 'it's mine'

Everything is black and white.

Except for the unexplored grey between the lines.

Insults drift though the thin plaster walls

All I have is the dull light and myself

All mum ever does is yell and make calls

My sister is apparently god because she dusted one fucking shelf

Ever since my wretched dad left I've become the target.

When I try to help I get shoved

I've never heard of a life like it.

I just want to be comforted and loved.

The rose hanging from my ceiling, blood red.

Slowly dying while looking the same.

It's like me but I want to put a bullet through my head.

I'm slowly dying on the inside but nobody ever noticed and help never came.

I just want to talk.

To know I'm not crazy to want it to be done.

I want to run away and say I'm just going for a walk.

To run down the streets and keep going until the sun.

My family has made me like this, sad.

I have no emotions left,

Except angry and mad.

Street lights pass

Like time.

Only another 9 hours they will last.

Backpack on my back, singing a nursery rhyme.

The street lights a familiar golden glow.

Nothing out here scares me.

My running never slows.

It never does until I get to the tree.

After every fight I shake.

When the screaming and yelling subsides.

If I end it now they would be too late.

Adrenaline fills my inside.

The blood red rose.

It seems strong with thorns but it is so fragile.

It never had a choice to die, but I chose.

From my life, myself I exile.

I see the death in the life.

What others want to ignore.

I see the hate behind my mothers eyes.

I will be gone that is for sure.

The tree where I left a promise to myself.

My initials standing out.

I carved them into the tree itself.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

With a toss of the rope over the branch.

A lone tear.

One jump and it's all over.

Why I done it should be clear.

I'm suffocating in a room full if air.

The silver metal across my wrist.

The blood runs red just like the rose, I stare.

It's beautiful and I drag it again with a hiss.

I want to taste oblivion.

Deaths promising kiss

I'd do whatever it takes to escape this.