The recollection of my misunderstood thoughts.

Pray//Prey

24 Apr 15
It's absolutely disgusting.
The way boys act is something new to me.
I had always thought that there was nice guys and bad ones.
But now since reading that chapter I've realised that boys see what they want to see while not feeling a thing.
Up until today the objectification of women was something I saw people talk about, to continue the thought of them not liking male attention.
I believed it was modesty on the girls part.
When she walked past, I still don't even like her but her white shorts were 3 sizes too small and every centimetre of her legs were on show.
Passing through the door the guy had a disgusting grin on his face.
I thought somehow they might of been friends.
Through some social web of girls like her and guys like him.
She was going to stop to talk to him but she kept walking with her overconfident grin swaying right past him.
Through the window of the canteen I watched as his eyes raked over everything.
A smirk clear on his face.
He kept walking and his stepped never faltered.
She either didn't know or didn't care and by the way she acted all the time I realised it was the last assumption.
It was all in slow motion and right then and there I wanted to kick his teeth in.
It was truly disgusting almost as disgusting as what he said about her in the next minute or two.
When he arrived at the group of his friends behind me in the canteen line.
His famous swear littered words echoed and he talked about the girl he so filthily looked over.
It wasn't anything nice either.
And the girls he was talking to were just like the other one.
I just listened and the sudden realisation rushed over me.
Boys don't just catch your glance and smile.
If you put it out there and you aren't a nice girl, you get eyes raked over you while constantly being judged.
I'm not all modest yet I am still tastefully reserved.
No matter how much the guy likes what he sees he will not ever say anything nice.
Boys conversations are a gross and disturbing collection of their thoughts on girls.
While on my way home in the back seat of the car.
At a red light I looked across the intersection to see a lady crossing the road.
They weather was cold all day yet her legs were bare to the cold wind.
The black shorts she was wearing only just peaking out of the bottom of her jumper.
Her huge tote bag covering her only slightly.
If I hadn't have tilted my head a little at the glimpse of the bright lights illuminating the service station; I wouldn't have seen the man.
He was leaning forward in the drivers seat and the setting sun made his watching eyes look red.
The girl was nervous and I could tell by the shake of her steps and the way she held the phone in her hand to her ear a few times calling different people.
I could almost picture the drool leaving the mans mouth and slipping onto the steering wheel.
He was so interested that when the lights turned green he didn't notice and horns from behind roared knocking him from his daze.
Maybe I've become more aware.
I'm not sure.
I'm also not sure if I'm jealous of those girls or not.
I've been holding my head a little higher and standing a little straighter.
Not blending into the background as much.
I'm more relaxed and I feel myself changing from being nothing to something powerful, a force to be reckoned with.
The first girl had acted like the predator when she was the prey.
I've found myself being both.
If you bluff the confidence of a lion you will automatically be a deer.
But if you have the strength of a predator, people think your prey.
That's where they are wrong.
In the world full of filth and lying you've got to find a way on your own way.
Dangerous is what you've got to be.
If you use what you've got to get what you want that's fine by me.
I'm just scared that everyone is the same.
And that there is nothing but cheap sex.
It seems weird to think about and I haven't fully confronted the thought but that's what most people seem to be into.
I'm not sure why.
But they are and I'm scared it won't change.

Twelvies are disgusting.