It's been almost a year since you're no longer by my side. Days had turn into weeks and without realizing the months have past into a year. I can't believe the time had gone fast just like that.
Everyday has been so hard and there's just not a day that had past without me longing for your touch. Longing every part of you.
He wasn't just an extraordinary person, he was more than that. He was my best friend, my partner and most importantly my lover. I still could feel you right here and it hurts so bad knowing the truth that you aren't here.
I've never felt this sorry before, the feeling where a part of your heart is missing. The feeling where a part of your life is gone. I wished we had more time together, three years with you wasn't enough to know all your worlds.
"I've missed you so much, i hope you're doing fine up there." I put down his favourite flowers, carnations.
It's the same flowers the first time he bought for me, a mix of red and white carnations. He said it was a symbol of pure love and affection. It somehow became my favourite too.
"I brought Chanyeol with me today. He misses you as much as i do. I bet you miss him too, J."
"Been a while dude, sorry didn't visit much." He softly chuckled.
Then there were silence. We both didn't know what to say anymore, it still feels unreal that J is no longer with us.
"You don't have to worry, i'll keep your promise. I'll keep her safe no matter what happens, okay?" Chanyeol held my shoulders, as a tear started to drop from me.
I've never thought about replacing J, especially with Chanyeol. I still couldn't forget my love, the crash and how fast everything took him from us. Everything is still clear in my head.
"No, he's just asleep. J can't be gone. He's just--" i sobbed, Chanyeol was holding onto me so tight.
"He's gone, (y/n)-ah. You have to let him go." He carefully said to me.
Letting go was thw hardest thing. That night when the accident took J's life, my life felt like it was taken too. We were just laughing, the three of us on our way back from college. Just seconds away and he was gone.
I still remembered how he hugged me so soft and how warm he was. Yet that incredible missing oart was greater and i felt cold. I feel sorry how all i thought was J when Chanyeol was by my side 24/7.
The whole ride back was silence. I was deep in thoughts about Chanyeol. Maybe it's not a bad idea to really start open up this heart of mine. But i was too afraid i'd hurt Chanyeol.
"What's wrong? Sad again?" He lightly squished my hand,
"Ani. I was just lost in thoughts."
I had to tell him about these thoughts, he has the right to know it anyways. He has been fhe sweetest guy, trying to replace the space that J has left as best as he could. Couldn't ask for a beter replacement actually.
"I don't know if i could even love someone again. J was everything and i'm just afraid i won't be able to love you as much as i have loved him. I'm just afraid that i'll hurt you someday."
"It's okay. You don't have to. I know how mu h you love and cherish J. He deserves them forever. I'm just going to continue what he has done and make you happy." He smiled.
From that moment on, i knew i got to try and open up for him. If J deserves it, then so is Chanyeol.
"I'll try my best since you've tried. Thank you for everything."
As days grow more, he started to fill in the missing parts that J took. They're both sweet but in different ways. Chanyeol is sweet without knowing any limits and he's the type who isn't afraid of showing it.
I started to blush whenever he smiles, who could have resist his sweet dimple? How could i have noticed it now? The word love might still be a hard to say but we're getting there.
"Carnations?"
"Yeah, J told me how much you love them."
"Thank you." I hugged him,
"I love you." I was stunned,
"I don't expect you to--"
"I love you too." I didn't hesitate to reply,
"You didn't have to reply back just to make me happy." He smirked,
"No, for real. I do love you. Thank you for filling the missing part of my heart."
"Glad to."
He started to lean down, i kinda hesitate if i should give in or not. His lips brushed my lips and i started to kiss back. I couldn't held back the tears, i never thought i could love someone again. But here i am kissing back someone who's as important as J was.
"Now you know that you are important too. Don't you dare leave me too."
"I won't, i promise." He hugged me again.
Is this what heaven feels like? No wonder you loved it so much. . . . . . . . . [A/n] i got inspired by a story and it really made me cry, if anyone knows about it leave down who you think it is :) hope you enjoy it and hopefully it wasn't too sad ♡
Xoxo,
ET 🌹
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-the fact that he's getting older soon excites me-
