Lost In A Memory (A Taylor Lautner Story)

Choices

Chapter 28- Choices

                My grandparents were at my house, wishing me a farewell as I went to California. I knew and I felt horribly guilty about the fact that my pretenses for leaving so early were so false. Overplayed. Well, for me, downplayed. I needed (and my heart needed) this separation from Kaylen. No one else could quite understand that one, so it might sound a little stupid to them.

                My grandpa would say, “What? Leavin’ Michigan because of some crazy little girl?” And then he would proceed to tell me how I could do better than to get so attached to a girl like that. Even though I would never tell him the whole story. Grandma, on the other hand, she would be sure to tell me how I should never leave, that I should apologize for whatever I’d done and go crying back into the girl’s arms. My mom, she would just sigh and roll her eyes. But she would typically be down for whatever I wanted to do, as long as I had the funds to do it. And my dad, he would just turn away from me… probably because he didn’t even really care in the first place. I took it that my thoughts meant I was on no better terms with Dad than I had ever been.

                Too bad my grandparents would never know the real reason why I was leaving. Suffice to say, the reason I was leaving was for an audition for some big and fresh new movie… and of course, when I didn’t make the movie, my parents wouldn’t complain. I’d missed plenty of callbacks in my days, so one more failure wasn’t anything to be worried about.

                I grappled with my fear of leaving, so much so that I wanted to leave sooner just to get away from it. I had packed my things and already had them in the car. There was nothing I wanted more now than to get on the road, onto a plane to take me away from this place full of memories. The irony was that these memories were things that I should have never lost… instances that will now haunt me forever.

                I reentered the kitchen, spying my mom by the sink, finishing the dishes from breakfast. My plane was to leave at ten, so my mom and I had dragged out of bed a few hours earlier than usual and my grandparents had shown up soon after. The breakfast was lovely (biscuits, eggs, ham and of course gravy), and I found myself wondering why my parents would host such an abnormal thing just because I was leaving again. I knew for them it was a farewell bidding of sorts, something to wish their son and grandson good luck for his next big film. But for me… it was more of a painful reminder of how I had been lying to them, to myself for even coming back.

                Though I told the world that my ‘big break’ was to stay with family (and it was), deep down I knew that I had been missing something. It had taken coming back to my roots to discover that something… well, someone. And having lashed out after seeing the memories I had forgotten, I sincerely felt it was time to leave it behind. It may have been a lost cause to come home in the first place.

                “Taylor, honey, you’re leaving now?” My mom said, smiling with a sadness that I didn’t quite grasp. She left the sink and crossed my path, where I had been standing silently and staring at the kitchen floor. Only now did I look up, seeing her wonderful face, the one who had nurtured and cared for me since before I was born. But in a guilty sense I was writhing, ready to leave this place so carelessly behind as well.

                “Yeah. Where’s Granny and Papa?”

                “In the other room. Your Grandma’s trying to finish her knitting and Grandpa’s watchin’ the game,” she said, heading to the living room, with me closely behind.

                “Momma, Taylor’s getting ready to leave,” she said, giving her same remorseful smile and ducking back out into the kitchen. But just before she did, she kissed my cheek, letting me know that my decision was okay. Granny stood from the chair and walked up to me. She had to look up a ways to look me in the eye, but as she did, I caught her approval as well.