Lost In A Memory (A Taylor Lautner Story)

Letting Go

Chapter 1- Letting Go

"This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time. Turns out freedom ain't nothin but missin you, wishin I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I go back to December and change my own mind...."

The song by Taylor Swift was playing as the breezy fall air blew towards the car and the gray clouds were covering the sky. I looked at the rearview mirror and I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. This couldn't be happening! I should have known she would do that...

He deserved an apology.

The pain hit my heart like an arrow hitting the bulls-eye of a target. I knew he still loved her, despite there age difference of three years. They still loved each other back when they were together. I knew (from the distant look in his eyes when he would see a poster or a CD of her face on it) that he still loved her. It hurt him so much when she left him.

And later on I was the replacement. I fell in love with him. The day he took me to Salter's Lake for the first time and he gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a note that read: 'I thank God that I met you. You have stayed true to me and I would never be able to live without you.'

He was all I ever wanted and I would never be able to go a day without him. But something just didn't feel right as the second verse almost came to an end. I turned my head towards him, his face was rigid and I could hardly read what his thoughts could be.

The song continued to play and the chorus repeated. She needed him back. She needed a second chance.

I made my decision.

"Go after her." Tears were in my eyes as I turned the dial to the radio, the volume of the music lowering down to a soft murmur. I was in his car and he was taking me back home from our sweet picnic near Salter's Lake.

"What?" He gave me a look of shock, his mouth ajar as his surprised and confused expression pierced my heart. It was a look that I loved to see from him, and I was going to miss it. I choked on the lump in my throat as I fought against the tears dying to cascade down my already burning cheeks.

"You heard me." I replied giving him a look of pain and sincerity.

"But, Kaylen I-"

"Go Taylor... You know it's the right thing to do." The tears spilled out like a river down my face and his brown eyes were becoming moist from the sight he was seeing.

His lips became firm and I wondered if I was ever going to get to kiss them again. His face was pulled into a tight mask of debating. He was caught in the middle of a love triangle and I'm sure he was the one who felt like Bella right now...

It stayed silent in his car and all I could hear was the gentle rumble of the tires moving on the road. The trees flew past my window as I continued to softly cry. The clouds were still as gray as ever and I realized that they were slowing down.

I looked towards the windshield and I realized that we had pulled into my driveway. He put the car in park and from my peripheral vision, I saw him glance at me with a very saddened expression.

"Kaylen..." He gently reached out and grabbed my hand, his thumb rubbing against my skin sending those relaxing tingles all through my body. Every time he would hold my hand, I felt at peace. It helped me the most whenever I would bawl and cry over the loss of a friend or pet, or a fight with a relative.

"Taylor... I know this is hard for you. But you've got to go after her... She wrote that song for a reason and the reason is you." I grabbed a tissue out of my purse that was sitting on my lap with my free hand and I blew my nose as quiet as I could.

"I know but Kaylen... I love you..."

"I know... But you love her too." I pointed out and the realization built in my heart killed me and I broke out into a sob.

"Kaylen please.. Don't cry..." Taylor reached over and pulled me against his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and I put my arms around his neck as I rubbed my fingers through the ends of his dark hair.

"Look at me." He said as he cupped my face in his wide but graceful hands. I looked up into his eyes and a few tears fell down his cheeks and onto my nose. This was the first time I ever saw him cry.

"Just go... She needs you; she can't go on and feel as if you'll never forgive her!" He looked down and breathed a heavy and long sigh and soon looked back up at me with troubling eyes.

"I love you, Kaylen. I love you so, so much..." He cried. This moment I knew, would be our last true one. And it killed me to know that. This pain was unbearable.

"I love you, Taylor... More than you'll ever know." He crashed his lips against mine and my arms tightened around him. His lips moved ever so gently against mine and my head begin to spin. Our kiss was full of passion and love that will never be forgotten. He rubbed his hands on my back as I continued to softly touch the back of his head with my fingertips.

Saying goodbye was going to be the hardest thing we will ever have to say to each other. I continued to cry as we shared our one last sweet kiss.

"Goodbye." I looked into his eyes once we pulled away, breathing hard in our last few minutes of being together. "I'll miss you..."

"Goodbye." He said and he kissed my cheek. "I'll miss you too, Kaylen. I'll never forget you." One tear fell from his eye and he grinned at me. I smiled back and shut the car door behind me and I stood in front of his car as he started to pull out of the driveway.

We waved at each other and I headed towards my front door to go into my house. My mom was at work so I knew I would be alone.

I took my house key out of my pocket still sniffling from my nose being stuffed and once I shut my house's front door behind me, my legs collapsed from the realization that he was gone. Taylor was gone. He wasn't mine anymore. I choked and bawled. Tears were flowing and flowing and I covered my face with my hands continuously wiping the tears away wishing to God that this never happened.

It was the right thing for me to do; letting him go.... And I knew that.... But why did it have to hurt so much?

Too many memories. Too many memories of us being together. And our one last kiss. I could still feel the movement of his passionate lips and his taste of regret, love, pain...

But I knew that soon all of America and my school were going to hear over the news about our break up and I knew that it would hurt him even more to have to see that plastered on every magazine in every single store.

All I could do was pray for the best...

I still loved him more than ever.