I Could Die For You (Editing In Progress)

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I sat next to Lilly on the plane to Michigan in complete silence. I could tell she was thinking, but not about what. I looked over every once in a while, but her eyes were fixed on the floor. After we left the studio for our 7:00 (pm) flight, she'd been acting so weird. I didn't think it was because of the fight, because she didn't seem fazed when there was blood dripping from my nose when she came back inside with Flea. I'm sure she knew Dave and I got into a fight because his lip was split and bloody...still she didn't say a word.

Another hour or so went by, and I couldn't bear to go that long without hearing a muffle from her. I turned to her and let out a sigh.

"Is everything okay with you baby?" I wanted to be as gentle as I could, careful not to tread on a sensitive topic.

She met eyes with me, her blossoming hazel orbs glowing in the dim light, however possible that was.

"Yes...I.. I just..." She unbuckled her seat belt and darted to the bathroom quicker than I could realize what she was doing.

I checked to make sure the seat belt sign wasn't on, and then I followed her to the bathroom equally as fast. My heart was beating rapidly, for any time Lilly was acting odd, or she was upset, it made me feel like I had been poisoned.

By the time I reached the door, it was shut and locked, but I could hear her weeping. It ripped my heart into shreds. I couldn't imagine why she would be crying... Sure, we were going to see my mother, but I knew Lilly, and she wouldn't sob over that! I doubted it was what happened between me and Dave, because yet again, she wasn't troubled back at the studio, hours before our flight.

I knocked on the door and cleared my throat.

"My flower, let me in please."

I heard a suppressed wail, and in a small croak, "Never."

Her answer made me fear that I had said something wrong without my knowing, and I felt the need to get inside even more.

"Lilly, please, please, let me in."

What must've been a cry of mixed feelings-I assume defeat and pure anguish of loss-she unlocked the door and collapsed into me.

I was extremely puzzled as to why she was crying so extensively, but I took it upon myself to pick her little body up, shut and lock the door, and set her back down on the toilet. Thank goodness she decided not to wear makeup today; her eyes were soaked with tears.

I kneeled on the floor and held her hand until she recovered from her sobs, and then asked her what was wrong.

Her eyes glazed over again, and she slid off the toilet and sat in my lap before answering.

"I miss John... I can't stand it any longer. I have no strength anymore."

I squeezed her tight. A million emotions hit me.

I hated John for leaving the band.. but I understood he needed to explore his own path and I respected that. I loved him so much, and he truly was my brother. Even if we weren't related by blood.

I missed John. My heart throbbed with sorrow every time the name John was mentioned because of him. I knew Lilly missed him terribly, and I had a sense they'd been in contact, but I never talked to him anymore.

It was like someone cut off a part of me, and I couldn't handle it. I tried to, and although I never cried much in front of anyone about it, I still wanted him back desperately.

I knew, however, Lilly needed me to be strong for her right now.

"I know you do, I know."

She sobbed into my shoulder more, and occasionally let out a gasp for air.

"But, he misses us too. I'm sure he does. Maybe we're mad at each other, John and us, but we can't deny that we have a connection that a lot of creatures and living beings in this universe don't have. We're partners for life, Lilly. We'll see him again! You just need to wipe your pretty eyes and be strong until that day comes."

Lilly eventually calmed down after what I said. We discussed it a little further and she told me about the secret meetings, and the phone calls. At first I was a little mad she had kept all of this from me, but I knew she didn't do it to spite me. She knew John and I had unresolved feelings, and but they didn't. Why wouldn't she contact someone she loved dearly if she could? I couldn't blame her for something like this.

John's absence had taken a great toll on all of us, but I suppose Lilly carried it very heavily. I did as well, but I knew how to shovel it into the darkness. Lilly didn't- she lived with that sadness every day and I hadn't realized it until now. She told me that's why she was so upset, that she couldn't do it much longer without seeing him.

I carried her back to her seat and buckled her back in, all the while thinking about all of this. Lilly eventually fell asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. There was no way I could get sleep knowing she was suffering this much of a heart break. I didn't know what to do, and it was killing me.