Skate Maloley

Doing It Wrong

It's been three weeks.

Three fucking weeks since we broke up.
I felt terrible. We broke up because we didn't see each other a lot.

He was working on his career while I was studying 24/7. Our futures were important to us, and of course our relationship was too, but we couldn't do this anymore.

Through these weeks I tried lots of things, partying, travelling, seeing other people, all those things. But every single fucking time my mind was drifted off to the one and only Nate Maloley.

9:02 AM.

I just woke up and got my phone out. Since it was Saturday this was my usual routine. Stay in bed for hours, then get ready to do absolutely fucking nothing.

As usual, I opened Snapchat first, and may I say that is a damn great invention. I opened several different stories, but I noticed that they were all at a party.

I opened Andrea's and saw they were actually at a house party with all our their 'Youtube and Vine friends'.

I got invited, but I didn't go since I already went out with my own friends and I wasn't ready to face Nate yet.

Sometimes I saw Nate, and it made my heart race.

I missed him more than anything. But I was happy he managed to go out and party.

In Andrea's story was nothing interesting really. It was usually her showing her fucking gorgeous face off and eventually I was tired of seeing her face, so I opened another Viner's snapchat Nate was pretty good friends with.

Nash Grier.

At least he didn't take pictures of his face and posted it for like a good ten seconds. He was around Nate a lot and I saw him, not looking quite as happy as he used to be.

They were drunk, I could tell. But Nate wasn't, if he was, he wouldn't be sitting on the couch and doing literally nothing. "Skate!" Nash yelled in Nate's face. "Don't be such a party pooper." Nate ignored it at first but then tried to cover the camera.

In another video, they attempted Nate to do something ridiculous. But he refused and eventually walked off. I furrowed my brows, looking at how pissed off he was.

I felt bad for some kind of reason.

We might've broken up, but that doesn't mean I didn't care about him anymore. A part of me wanted to check up on him, but another part of me said it wasn't nececcary.

Alright, fuck it. I got out of bed and quickly pulled myself together to face him. Applying a little concealer wouldn't hurt a fly. And plus, it wouldn't make me look like I've been depressed 24/7.

So here I was, thirty minutes later, in front of my ex' house. "Y/N?" His face lit up a little as he opened the door.

I gave him a weak smile. "Can I come in?" He nodded and opened the door a little further for me to come in.

His house was a mess. Clothes and food and blankets were spread around the floor, it smelled like someone died in here and I don't think that I could actually see the damn floor.

"Sorry for the mess. I didn't care enough to clean it up." He chuckled.

"It's fine." I assured. I sat on the couch where was no clothing spread around. He sat next to me. There was an awkward silence for a while.

"Are-"

"What-" We both started. I was about to ask him if he was okay, but I guess he wanted to ask me what I was doing here.

"Go ahead." I chuckled.

"No, no. What were you about to ask?" He asked.

"Uh, if you're okay. I mean, I saw that you went to a party last night but you didn't really seem to be... having fun?" I said, being unsure about if I used the right words.

He chuckled. "It was a shit party." I nodded at him. "Can I just get something off my chest?"

I nodded, harshly swallowing. "I miss you like a motherfucker." He softly said, making my heart drop. "I know we both agreed to the 'let's break up as friends' thing, but I can't do this shit anymore. I fucking need you."

As much as I wanted to get back with him, I couldn't. It would be a distraction to me and to him. "Please say something." His voice was the weakest I've ever heard.

"I miss you too." I eventually said, not looking him in the eyes. "We can't get back together. 'Cause, we won't be able to see each other in the future, and we'll do nothing but complain about how we're not seeing each other anymore and that'll only lead to bullshit and a heavy break-up."

I deeply breathed in. "It's better we just stay like this. Like friends."

"What if I don't want to be friends?" He looked at me and this was the first time we actually looked each other right in the eyes after the break-up.

"Then we're strangers." I softly said, biting my cheek to keep the tears inside.

His mouth parted just a little but I could see the hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Nate. But we both know this is the right thing to do." I pursed my lips and sighed as I got up.

"I love you."

I stood still for a while, processing what he just said.

Nate wasn't someone that I said 'I love you' a lot, but when he did, he really meant it. And I knew exactly what he was up to.

"Don't try to make me feel guiltier than I already feel." I said while turning around to face him. I felt the tears sting in my eyes.

"And what if I actually do, Y/N? What if I love you? You're just going to walk away like that?"

He raised his voice a little. "I know you love me. You love me the exact same way as I love you. You can run from the truth how long you want, how far you want. But won't be able to run away from your feelings."

The sad thing is, he was right. About everything he just said.

"I'm sorry Nate. But you're not going to change my mind." I softly said. "It's the best for the both of us." I harshly swallowed. Without fucking thinking I left.

I left the guy I loved the most alone on that couch like a fucking lost puppy.