My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

11/19/11

It's been a while, hasn't it? I wrote a chapter of Yours Truly a few days ago though. Read that if you want. It's about F8. I'm worried about her.

If I had a dollar for every time I said the words worried or sad in this story I would be rich.

Anyway, I have an essay to write today. It's a narrative essay about why people do the things they do. You would think it would be easy for me, considering I think about that so much; plus I've never had trouble writing essays. But this is my first narrative essay, and I'm having a lot of trouble thinking of 1. A point to make and 2. A story to use to make that point. So I thought I would look to this for inspiration.

What do people do the things they do?

I currently have two theories. I have to choose one.

1. People do everything for social acceptance. I am, of course, an extreme example of this; every thing I do, from the choose to the way I act and the things I say, is based on my exaggerated view of how others perceive me. I don't know if I've mentioned, but the process of choosing what to wear is excruciatingly long and difficult. I can only wear certain shirts and certain jeans and even specific underclothes. I'm so concerned about fitting in that I end up not fitting in. But I'm different un the way that I'm not so much concerned with being liked as I am with not being disliked. It's similar to what George Orwell said in his essay Shooting an Elephant; we must do whatever we can to keep others from laughing at us. It sounds a bit silly, but it's true. For most people, at least. The story I was going to use for this was the Thespian party at the beginning of the year. I'm just worried that it will sound trivial, or that it will end up going to the level of social anxiety and my teacher will think I'm weird. (Point proven?)

2. People do everything in search of happiness. I know this is true; what else is life for if not happiness? The problem is, this topic is very broad, and I don't know of any events or decisions I could use to support it. I think it may be too broad; yes, everything is done for happiness, but there are layers to it.

I know that by the time anyone answers my essay will probably be written, but I would still like to know your opinions.

So how is everyone? Happy almost Thanksgiving to all the Americans. It's so weird writing that now because I distinctly remember writing it last year.

So I quit NaNoWriMo. I just don't have enough time. Homework is KILLING me. I'm starting to wonder what I got myself into with these classes. But I am determined to make it through. (But WHY? is it because I want the future rewards? Or is it because I want the approval of my teachers? )

Anyway. It's been a long week. Over the weekend our mom was in the hospital. She'll be fine, but it scared the crap out of me when it happened. And now we will be in a little trouble financially for a while. But it will all be ok. We will survive.

I still haven't told you about the concert, have I? It really has been a while since I've written. That was a while ago.

I went to my first real concert a few weekends ago! My brother and his girlfriend took me, S, and his girlfriend's sister. And it was AWESOME. I would go as far as to say it was one of the best nights of my life. Which is kind of shocking, considering how much I hate crowds.

So we went to see All Time Low, who played with Paradise Fears and The Ready Set, so Since I'm such a nerd, I spent the three previous months listening to only those three bands. Consequently, I was one of the few people who knew all of the Paradise Fears songs, since they aren't very well known. But they were amazing live; all three of the bands were. I think one of the funniest things was watching the singer from the Ready Set, who has crazy hair, dance around, because 1. He is pretty crazy and 2. His hair got progressively wetter with all the sweat. And his drummer made the best faces.

The night we went I was pretty nervous, seeing as I had no idea what the proper concert etiquette would be, but it all worked itself out. We got there kind of late, just before they starting letting people in, which was actually lucky, because we accidentally got to skip all of the people in the back of the line and just meld in at the front. So we got in about the middle as far as distance from the stage, right next to the aisle. Paradise Feats went first, and they were amazing. They did a Nicki Minaj song, which made me laugh. But I love them even more now. Then was the Ready Set. By th time they came on I was nearly deaf and sweaty and having so much fun. They were really good too, I just didn't know as many of their songs. But when they played Love Like Woe, everyone sang along and it was awesome.

Between them and All Time Low I realized that my feet were killing me. It's actually really painful to stand for four hours. But we ended up getting pushed closer to the front and the middle, where it was super crowded, and people were pushed gainer me in every side and we were all sweaty and tired and thirsty, but nine of that mattered when the last ban came out. As soon as the first song started we were all just fans, and everyone was screaming the lyrics with absolutely no regard for being on key or getting the tune right. We were just screaming, completely lost in the music. Granted, there were some trolls there. There were three middle aged drunk white guys just in front of us who didn't know any of the songs and wanted to spill beer on people. Then they started crowd surfing shirtless, which was awkward. It was also weird when the band told people to form a mosh pit, considering it's not allowed at that theater. But other than that, it was absolutely amazing. We left drenched in sweat with our voices hoarse and our feet killing us, but so happy. There was so much adrenaline. And for once, I never had the phase of sadness when it ended. I call that progress.

I am so strange. How many teenagers do you know who would write that much about a concert? But it was a very special experience to me. It was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so glad that they were the first bands I got to see. It really made the experience perfect.

Enough about that though; let's move on to what happened today. S went on her first official date. I can't say that without sounding awkward, because the idea is completely ridiculous. But it happened. They went to see a movie. And I was perfectly fine to stay home with our mom, thank you very much. So that was fine.

Everything is just so fine. I don't know if that's good or bad. I would kind of like for things to be more than fine sometimes, but at least they aren't bad.

In other news, V1 has been more annoying than usual lately. Every little comment he makes about a chemistry quiz or an essay makes me want to punch him. It's gotten ridiculous. Just his existence bothers me, and I only have one class with him. (I actually found a line in a song that describes him. "Give it up for at least a second. I'm getting sick of your BS attitude, and how you walk around like you shine brighter, it's killing me." from Do you Want Me Dead by All Time Low.)

I think that's about it, actually. Thank you all for reading. It's nearly to 12000, which is probably the most impressive number I've ever personally seen, just in general in my life. I've never had 12000 anything. So yeah. I'm majorly inspired. You should all be proud of yourselves.

Looking back where I was at different moments in this story has made me realize just how relatively happy I am right now. It makes me want to take advantage of these good days. So this really has been a productive use of my time, if only for purely selfish reasons. Hopefully some of you have been affected as well.

Thank you all. I love you all :)

Goodbye.

"Come one, Come all, you're just in time to witness my first breakdown, cause there's a mile gone for every minute past that I'm wasting space in this town. Don't call the doctors, I don't need no medication, I just need one more vacation, and make it last."- Come One, Come All, by (you guessed it!) All Time Low.

Yes, I'm kind of obsessed with them right now, particularly their first album, which I didn't really like before.