My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

11/3/11

This is one of the only times when I will ever say this: I kind of don't like being a twin right now.

I'm gonna be like the Glee writers today and use a recycled plotline. You ready?

This is really only gonna make sense to the people who have read from the beginning. Anyone remember at the very beginning when S was asked out? It was over a year ago. Well, it's happened again. With the same guy. And this time she said yes. But I don't really care about that. Here's my problem: she had to accommodate for me again.

Here's the full story: we were planning on going to the school play, just S, her friend, and I. But now, since she is going with this guy, she got her friend to take his girlfriend, making me the fifth wheel. So she decided to ask F5 to go, and he only agreed reluctantly. And now I feel like it's painfully obvious how much people have just been making arrangements for me, like I can't take care of myself, like no one really wants me there, they just feel guilty leaving me behind. And it makes me so angry. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself! I don't need someone to drag me around! I'm so tired of being dependent on people!

Anyway, the play is tomorrow, and I'm thinking about just saying I don't wanna go.

Even worse, when I tried to tell F5 this, he just changed the subject. He completely ignored why I said. That is exactly why I don't talk to people about these things. And now I'm seriously about to cry. I am so tired of it.

I'm also tired of feeling guilty that S is always looking out for me. First she has to get past all my terrible quirks, then she has to drag me around and make sure I don't feel left out. I don't know if I would rather feel left out or guilty. Either way sucks.

That's it really. I just really had to say that.

But I know that God is looking out for me. I turned on the radio earlier and prayed that God would help me get over it, and the first song that came on was "Bad Day". It was just a little miracle, but I feel better knowing that God is gonna take care of me.

My mom came back and I told her how I felt. Then S came in. It's so embarrassing to cry in front of them. Now I hear them talking about me in the living room. I better go tell S this isn't her fault.

Thanks for listening.

Bye.