My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

10/15/11. Fall break at last.

Fall break at last. It's been a while, hasn't it? I am sorry for the lack of a schedule.

I shocked I actually made it through last week. It felt like it would take forever. I'm sick and exhausted and I got a bad grade on an essay, and the week felt like it would take forever.

Anyway, I need to write now, because I'm feeling really stressed about some things.

(When am I not stressed? Do I even need to say it anymore?)

I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I will most likely need therapy sooner or later. I realizedthe truth in this today. S wanted to go to this store downtown because they sell toms shoes there. They are these organic shoes that benefit charity. Neither of us had ever been there, or in that part of town before, and it made me really uncomfortable. I kind of folded innon myself and closed my eyes and stood there awkwardly. It was horrible. And I think what really hurt was that I mentioned this to S and our mom and neither of them cared.

This is what brought on the realization. Also, thinking about the future has influences it. We had college fair this week at school, and I've been thinking about what career I want. I honestly have no clue, but whatever it is will require me to go to new places and make decisions, two skills I am currently severly lacking in. I feel like it would probably be better to fix it now than later, but I don't have time, nor do we have the money. Our stupid health insurance isn't taken anywhere around here because it's military insurance, and we can't get on base anymore without our dad, which isn't happening any time soon.

Oh well.

In psychology this week we were talking about twins. I know I've never said it directly, but a few of you probably figured it out anyway: S and I are twins. I didn't any to say it because it would make it twice as easy to identify me, but by now I think it would be impossible for anyone who knows me not to recognize me anyway. So we're twins. And after talking about the "twin connection" in class, I have realized that as much as we fight, and as much as I dislike living in her shadow sometimes, I couldn't live without her. I'm so dependent on her for everything.

I might elaborate later, but I have to go soon. We are going to our friend's birthday party. She isn't an F, but we are getting to be good friends with her. She's in IB, and she's one of the more dedicated students, which I appreciate. But the party makes me nervous, we don't know many people, and I'm not good with social situations, in case you haven't noticed.

I'll probably say more tomorrow if I have time, or later this week.

Thank you all for listening. And thank you for all the comments! I read them all, and they inspire me. So thank you.

Goodbye.