My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

5/25/11

This is gonna be really short again; sorry!

First, some news:

I got my learners permit today! I got to drive around a parking lot! It was awesome!

For any of you who haven't driven yet, it is completely worth the wait!

So today was a good day.

I got to visit my fifth grade teacher! I was so surprised that he recognized me! We also went to see S's teacher. They started teaching a class together, so that was really convenient. They said that they wanted to see us more, and they were very proud of us. It made me feel really good :)

Later, I was attempting to drive again, and we almost got caught in a tornado. It was still awesome.

On a less happy note, just cuz I'm such a Debbie-Downer, I think I need to talk to my mom again.

I told her a few days ago that I'm truly not happy, as much as I seem like it sometimes. I think she kinda took it the wrong way. I mean, I am happy sometimes. When I spend the day with my friends, or on days like today, I am actually happy. But my problem isn't that I can't be happy at all, which I think she thinks is the problem. My real problem is that as soon as the friends leave or the day ends and I'm all alone in my room, the happiness doesn't stay. The happiness turns to sadness, or more recently apathy, so quickly.

My depression isn't completely constant, although it is consistent. I can forget about it for a few hours. But most of the time, especially over the summer, there is nothing to distract me from it.

And I really don't know if it can be fixed. I've never had lasting happiness without any worries of the sadness coming back.

Anyway. New topic!

Anyone watch Glee? I loved the prom episode, and the funeral episode. But I must admit, the nationals episode would've been better without nationals. It was pointless, plus they promised that Finchel wouldn't have another duet, then they did, which annoyed me. But the whole episode was saved by the scene where Klaine shared their first "I love you" and then, SAMCEDES! I love Samcedes! It's so cute, even though Sam and Mercedes are complete opposites.

But the whole point of that is that it made me think more about love, and I've come to a conclusion: I don't think I'll ever date. It's not that I don't want to eventually, it's just that I don't think anyone could like me that way.

It's just this feeling I have. I don't know why, but I feel it. And for now, I'm ok with it. I'm sure later in life I'll be sad about it, but I'm not worrying yet.

I try not to think about growing up. I think in my mind, life ends after college. Who knows?

One last thing!

Oh my gosh, have you guys noticed how many read each part has been getting? It's much higher than the five that they got at the beginning. It's really encouraging.

So, just curious, are there a lot of people who read each chapter?

It's a lot to think about.

There may be updates more often, because I've been feeling like I want to write anlot more. It makes me happy.

So thank you guys, for staying with me even when I ramble, or don't make sense, or just need to rant.

Goodbye :)