Sorry it's been so long. I've fallen out of habit. Anyway, on with the story!
I kind of don't know what to say. Like, what should I even write? What is this? What am I trying to prove? I honestly don't know. I've been questioning myself a lot lately. Questioning everything. I just don't feel like there is a point to life. Even really influential people eventually die and are forgotten, right?
But I've felt different lately. It's not the usual hopelessness. It's more just an empty feeling. Like I'm going through the motions of life. I had really been feeling better until today. Just something about Sunday brings me down every time.
I made it through the week ok. I broke down last Sunday night too though. I really don't know why I get that way. Sometimes I just have to cry. Also, I feel like I sound kinda over dramatic, so I wanna explain what it feels like in detail.
It's much more than sadness. It's a deep feeling of hopelessness, loneliness. I feel like I'm all alone, despite having my family and a few friends. I know I'm not alone, but I can't help but feel like no one is really going to be there for me if I need them. And there is the hopeless feeling of not being able to control the emotions, and not being able to control life. I feel like my life will never improve, I'll never be able to shake the feeling of being worthless and alone. Like I will never escape the depression. It's the worst feeling. And it is constantly lurking at the back of my mind, even when I'm somewhat happy. I don't know why.
Anyway, I just wanted to explain. I haven't been feeling very motivated, especially with the schoolwork I have been getting. Plus my mind is telling me that I'm stupid and no one cares enough to read this. So should I keep writing? Is it worth it? I don't know if I'll ever permanately stop, at least not any time soon, I just don't know how often I should do it.
As always, thank you for allowing me to tell how I feel. It really helps. I still feel kinda empty though :/
Goodbye.
YOU ARE READING
My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.
Non-FictionJust the life of a girl who may or may not be mentally ill. Care to take the journey with me?
