My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

12/2/10

Whoa... It's almost up to 550 reads altogether! What's happening? Is someone out there doing something to get my story read? Cuz I wasn't expecting it to go up that much so fast!

Thank you so much for the reads! I have been feeling so terrible recently and writing this makes me feel a little better. This is good. It's a productive way to deal with things, instead of like cutting myself. Not that I would ever be bold enough to do that; I'm scared of blades.

But if someone out there is soing something that is getting me more reads, that's awesome and you need to let me know! If not, then I would like to thank you all for increasing my faith in humanity, and for saving me the pain of the theoretical cuts on my arms.

Last night I was really happy. I laid down to sleep and I lay awake for an hour, and I was just happy. I thought that today was gonna be good, that my grades would somehow be fixed, and that everything would be ok. It was an amazing feeling, but it left as fast as it came.

My reason for the happiness was that my friend who has been sick for a week was finally back at school and I thought she could magically fix things by making me less lonely. I guess I put too much pressure on her. Plus I didn't really tell her that my happiness depended on her. Only one of my friends knows, but I'll tell you about

that in a minute or I'll lose my train of thought...

So in gym today, the worst ever, we had to do basketball relays on assigned teams and I nearly cried in front of everyone. My only friend in that class, the sme one that just got better, sat out cuz she claimed she was still sick! It ruined my whole day. And then the people kept

telling me to run faster, and it made me so mad. So I walked slower. I ended up telling the teacher that I felt sick and he let me sit out. Then in the last class of the day I was just fighting tears the whole time, for no reason.

But I think I was putting too much pressure on my friend. I shouldn't rely on her to make me feel better. But there is some positive things. At least I have a few people I can rely on.

Ok so I just spent two hours on the phone. I feel much better now than I did writing the beginning of this segment. Does anyone else have that one guy friend that you can just rely on for anything? I was talking to mine, and he always makes me feel bbetter. He's just such a positive person. Also, he plans on being alone for the rest of his life( which I don't quite believe) so there is none of the awkwardness the is around other guys.

Anyway, I was supposed to be asleep a long time ago so I'm gonna finish this... Although I have slight insomnia so I'm gonna be awake a while anyway... Remind me later to tell you all about that one friend I told about how upset I was...

Thank you all!

Bye!