True feelings

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Man when i say this mess is awkward, i mean saying tacos are digusting A-W-K-W-A-R-D

Zahia POV

Maybe this is a bad idea but YOLO. Pray yall

Jacob POV


Im speechless right now. Why is he here, in this house, with zahia and ray. Why does he have a green rose? Why..... My thoughts were interupted.

"Um jacob come sit down" zahia said. I followed her and sat by ray. I was sitting across from roc and ray was across from zahia. The food looked good but i was to lost to eat right now. Why? is my question. Why am i here i should just leave, but that would be rude. My mom raised me better than that.

"Um, h-h-here you go j-jacob. I forgot to send one yesterday" roc said while handing me the flower.

I took it and just stared at it. Wait so he the one that send the flowers everyday? And and the notes? The poems the i love u's? Him? Chresanto "Roc" August? The boy who caused so much pain in my life? Him? No, this has to be a joke! Yeah a joke

"um so your the one who sent the flowers and notes everyday?" i said still staring at the rose

"Y-yes, Jacob im s-"

"WHY!" i yelled

"Why what?"

"Why me, huh? Why me?" i said through gritted teeth. "You made my life a living hell, you bullied me for no reason, we were bestfriends! WHY!! WHY ME!" i asked. I had my fist balled up and the other holding the flower.

"Im sorry jacob, I-" he cut himself off and tears ran down his face

"You what? Do you know how many nights i cried myself to sleep! I thought you were my friend! I TRUSTED YOU! I CAME OUT TO YOU FIRST! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT WAS FOR ME TO DO? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN YOU CAUSED ME!" i rolled up my sleeves revealing te scars left from the cuts i did awhile ago. "DO YOU SEE THIS! I HAD NO ONE" I yelled. "No one" i whispered.

"Excuse me i need to go to the bathroom" and with that i ran to the bathroom, locked the door and cried. I looked at the cuts on my arm, remembering the first time i did it.


"Roc, im g-gay" i said

"Oh its ok jacob" roc said hugging me

I looked up at him. Hes just so beautiful. I think i lo-love him. I just stared at he. I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back at first, then he pushed me off him.

"Whats wrong"

"Jacob i cant, im not gay!" he said

"But you kissed back, i love you. You said you love me too"

"SHUT UP, i dont love you i hate you stay away from me you freak." he yelled then ran out

I hate you

I hate you

No one loves me i have no one. Why do i live? No cares if im dead or alive. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a razor. I looked in the mirror and saw a ugly freak. Me. I hate you! I punched the mirror. I put the razor on my arm. I cut the i hate you on my arm. I didnt even feel the pain. I was too numb.


I just sat there and cried. I still had the green rose. I stared at it. Thinking


He ran to the bathroom. Thats really how he felt? Im so sorry, i didnt mean to. I mess up everything. I put my head i my hands and cried. I felt a hand rubbing my back. It was zahia.

"Roc, just give him the book" she said handing me my journal.

"He hates me" i said softly

"Bro he doesnt hate you, you got to tell him how you feel. Its just going to take some time ok" ray said

"Thanks guys, im going to check on him" I got up with my journal in my hand. I headed to the bathroom. All i heard was him crying. I knocked on the door. No respone.

"Um jacob, its me roc. Look i know you hate me and probally never want to see me again, but uh i want you to have this journal. Its my life. All i really have. But um, i really am truely sorry. But here it is. I'll just leave you alone, bye jacob." i said

"forever" i whispered.

I went back to the living and grabbed my hoodie.

"Where are you going" zahia asked

I just looked at her with tears.

"Roc dont cry everything going to be ok" she said coming closer

"No its not, thanks zahia but i leaving, bye" and with that i ran out the door. I cant take this. Seeing him hurt like that. I no where to go but one place.

Jacob POV

After his speech i saw a journal slide under the door. I was hestitant at first. I finally made up my mind and grabbed it. When i grabbed it a photo fell out. I was me and roc. I stared at it. I looked on the back. It read

My friend, my brother, my love, my everything

"Wow" was all i could say. I started reading through the book. I read it all. His love, his lonelyness, his pain, everything.

"He really is sorry, and he loves me" i whispered.

I got up and went back to the living room."Wheres roc?" i said. Silence. "WHeres roc" i said again

"He left" ray said

"Where?" i said getting worried

"We dont know" ray said.

I think i know

????? POV

I was in my office, chilling smoking my blunt, when there was a knock on my door. Now who the hell could that be? I motioned one of my goons to open the door.

"Look who came back" i said with a smirk

"I guess your little boyfriend hates you, huh?" i said again. He stayed silent. I walked to him and punched him in the gut. He fell to the floor. "Answer me when i talk to you boy!"

"Y-yes boss, im sorry i want back in" he said

I chuckled, "you know you missed a whole weekend of work. That costed me money boy. But its ok, i forgive you,but your going to get your punishment, but not from me. Want to know who?"

"IDK" he said still on the floor.

"AW, no guesses? Well ill give you a hint! Ok, well he hates you, i whooped his ass because of you, oh and i think he said its all your fault and he going to kill all you love! Ha, funny right. Do you know who it my be?"

"No boss"

"Prod, funny right, and guess what! Im going to let him, Want to know why? Well im going to tell you! You know that stupid journal you write in, with all OUR secrets, yeah ring a bell, I heard you let people read it!"

He stayed silent

"But wait where is it?" i said

He stayed silent.

"Oh the silent treatment ok" and with that i punched him in the face.

"Im tired of being nice to you if your mot-" i cut myself off. "I going to warn you, If anyone has read that journal im going to kill them and your going to watch. Oh im going to be keeping a close eye on you Roc. Now leave I think prod is here for you. And be ready for work tomorrow!


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