Dark and Wild *Taekook*

D&W 47: Watch Your Mouth

+++

KIM TAEHYUNG

Jungkook got up for his first class, though he woke up late and scrambled around my room looking for all of his books. I watched him rush to get dressed, kiss me goodbye and run out the door. As he was zipping up his backpack, a black leatherbound book fell out. It was the book he used to plan his projects, but sometimes, he would just write in them or photo journal. I picked the book up when I finally felt like getting out of bed and opened it to the last page he'd been working in. There were polaroids of us from our sixaversary together pasted onto the pages and little doodled hearts and stars. 

On the left side, there was a list of potential projects for his final and some sketches. He'd gotten the journaling idea from me because I kept one too, had it since senior year of highschool. It was a nice little time capsule for me and I would learn that Jungkook's is too. There were grocery lists, to do lists, project ideas, dated scribblings of frustration and sketches throughout. Curiosity fought me hard. It wasn't some secret diary that I shouldn't look through, so I sat down with the book like I didn't have a class in an hour and read his cute handwriting.

I flipped to a page dated November 20th. Stuck to the pages were polaroids of him in the black Loverboy beanie I'd bought him, along with some scribbles in his cute round handwriting. The words read:

Taehyung bought me a beanie today because he said it reminded him of me. Do I look like a cat? I've heard bunny, but maybe that would have been too much. No one's ever been that thoughtful... well, except for Eomma. But usually, the things she brings me are not this cute. I like the beanie and since it's getting colder, it will be perfect. It's warm. Taehyung is so surprising. He's a sweet person, though he tries to hide it. His unbothered, carefree exterior is so different from when he's with me. He doesn't pretend not to care about me like he hides his feelings with everyone else... or is it just that he cares about me and no one else?

That was true. I only showed care to those who deserved it. Those who saw me for me and not just for my body.

At first, I didn't want him to buy me things because it seems like he's doing it to bribe me into staying with him, or like he's trying to manipulate me, but that's not true at all. He does it because he genuinely cares about me and this is how he shows that. Buying me things, but not just anything, things that remind him of me, things that have meaning. It's really sweet, yet it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for him. I've never had a boyfriend before. I've never felt this way about anyone, but I don't know how to show him other than sucking him off. His language is sex, but I don't know what other language he speaks. It's difficult to tell, but hopefully I can find out so that he doesn't feel like I'm taking advantage of all the nice things he does for me. People take advantage of him all the time and I don't want to be put in the same bin as those other people. I really really like him and I want to show him. I just don't know how. UGH!!

In the beginning of our relationship, Jungkook could be a bit abrasive and apathetic and sometimes I would feel like I was smothering him because of it. Turns out, he liked how I treated him and wanted to return the favor. He learned that my love language was honesty, words of affirmation. I didn't need him to buy me things, I had everything I needed. The physical touch was nice, surely, but I could get that from anyone if I wanted to. What I needed from him, what I craved was for him to tell me the truth. Tell me how he felt about me, to tell me he loved me, that he cared about me, to tell me all of the things I needed to hear. I'd only heard the words from my parents once or twice, and when my friends told me, it wasn't the same at all.

He'd learned that by now, but if I'd known about this diary entry, I'd have been able to tell him earlier and save him the stress. Because despite his cool exterior, Jungkook was an overthinker and he was quite bad at rationalizing situations so if he had a bad thought, it would run rampant in his head. I supposed that was what this journal was for. I smiled to myself at the progress of our relationship and flipped through some more pages.