Let's Recelebrate (a Joshler story) (Celebrate ALTERNATE version)

⭒ CLXXXVII ⭒

"...wait you- you cheated on someone?" Tyler asked softly. "You- you're upset that someone cheated on you but you did the same?" He asked, as he felt like his heart had dropped when he saw Josh drink to the question. He thought he knew Josh, but he never thought he'd do something like that, and in a moment it felt like Josh was a stranger and he had no idea who he was.

"I- I don't know", Josh softly said. "My friends say I- I didn't, I didn't do it but I- I always felt guilty and I always h-hesitated and I... don't know", he mumbled softly.

Lucas was taken aback too, and so was Steve; they never expected Josh to say that. They also saw how Tyler's whole mood and posture changed at the unexpected news that they had just learned. But he couldn't possibly believe that Josh would do that, and especially for Tyler's sake because he saw how clearly his body reacted to it, he needed more than what Josh had just said.

"...Can you give us, like, some more context J?" Lucas asked, as gentle as ever. "What do you mean with you don't know? And that your friends say you haven't cheated but you say you have?" he added. "I- I mean, you don't have to answer that, but... I feel like you're not giving us all the information right now and it's hard to judge what to think if we don't know the full picture", he said. Josh knew Lucas was asking that to help Josh, to not just easily paint him off as a cheater who simply just cheated. He saw Tyler's reaction; it hurt, and he really didn't want him to think that badly about him. Josh wished he would've just not drank at all, but he couldn't go back now.

"Uhm..." Josh trailed as he moved the bar stool next to him a little, then sat down on it as he held his glass with both hands, looking at the liquid left inside. "Uh I- I just started studying at Wayne State", Josh started. "Right before my actual classes started, when I got to campus, there was this guy who I ran into a few times... Seemed nice", Josh said. "Tall guy, strong, pretty muscled. He wasn't in the first year, he was a few years older. Uhm... I didn't know anyone from the first year, but there was this first year party type thing that I went to because Colin thought maybe it'd help to make a friend or something", Josh told them.

"This guy, who I saw a few times before, was there; he and some friends sneaked in, or something. Brought alcohol, though most first years weren't over 21 yet so they weren't really supposed to, but he found me and we talked and I was happy to have a somewhat familiar face at the party, y'know? So... I drank with them, and I got drunk which was the first time I got really drunk, and uhm, we... made out", Josh said. "Still don't really know how I ended up there in that situation, but I did", he shrugged.

"Day after, he called me his boyfriend. I was confused 'cause I didn't know anything about that; when I kind of tried to figure out why he said so, he said that we had gotten together during that party. I assumed I couldn't remember because he got me pretty damn drunk that night prior... I wanted to break it off 'cause I didn't really know him, honestly not at all, and I didn't feel comfortable with it, 'cause I wanted to get to know him first because I didn't even really have romantic feelings for him at that point yet either... I mean, he looked nice, and he seemed nice, but that was it; I knew nothing about him", Josh said.

"Then I decided to break it off but when I met up with him to actually do so, he took me on a date or whatever and I kind of... chickened out", Josh said softly. "Didn't have the guts to do it... I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't remember anything about getting together with him", Josh said. "I was still in this mindset of wanting to break it off, or I guess break up, because I truly wanted to do so 'cause I didn't know the guy... then my roommate and I started talking and getting to know each other. My roommate, being Fred", Josh said.

"We also had a few drinks, and we uh... kissed", Josh said. "...while technically being in a relationship with the other guy", he said softly. "But I was still so uneasy and conflicted and sometimes just... forgot, 'cause I never remembered saying yes, so I just... didn't feel like I was in a relationship either? And I still had this plan of breaking up 'cause the way that relationship started was so confusing and too much of a mess and I really didn't want it to be that way", Josh said.