My Office: A Lloyd Hansen Story

26.

I woke up to Lloyds arm around me, and Lassie at the end of the bed.  

I sighed, feeling like I should fall right back asleep. But Lassie was whining at the end of the bed.

I quietly got up, taking her outside. I watched her run around and go to the bathroom before coming back.

"Good girl." I said. She walked back in.

I turned around, seeing Lloyd in the kitchen, stretching.

"I didn't mean to wake you." I said.

"You're fine."

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. I was definitely feeling better, but today would be spent sleeping.

I turned on the shower, quietly taking off my clothes and getting in. I washed up, before getting out and doing my regular routine.

I went to the bedroom and changed into sweats and a sweatshirt. I walked back out, exhausted just from that.

I saw Lloyd in the kitchen. He was shirtless, making coffee.

I smiled softly, watching him feed Lassie a treat. He pet her head. This was so sweet.

This was love.

Lloyd glanced at me. I smiled.

"You're cute." I whispered.

"Mhm."

I walked over, grabbing a raspberry from the container that he had out. He smiled at me, kissing my cheek. The kitchen was a mess. I don't think he knows how to cook.

"Have you ever cooked for yourself?" I asked.

"Not much." He whispered. "But you need food.."

"I'm fine. I'm really not hungry."

"Caroline."

"Or I can just cook something quick."

"I can tell you're tired."

"I'm fine." I said, putting on a fake smile.

"Carrie. Go sit down."

"No I promise I'm good-"

"Hey. Go."

"Lloyd I'm not here for you fucking babying me!" I yelled. I realized what I did, stepping back.

He gave me a look. I walked away.

"Carrie!"

I went into the bedroom, feeling my breathing quicken. I didn't mean to yell. I felt so stupid.

Lloyd followed in. He didn't say anything, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry-"

"You're fine."

I wrapped my arms around him. He took a deep breath.

"We need to talk."

"I'm not talking about it. I'll get over it soon. Just let me try to get over it."

"You can't just get over it. Trust me. We need to talk."

"I'm telling you no."

He pulled away, moving my chin up. "I have been through this how many times? You're not gonna get over it. Not by yourself at least."

"Cant tell if you've gotten the hint, but I don't do that emotion shit." I said as I pulled away. "If you're not gonna respect that, then go home."

"Jesus Christ."

"Just go home at this point."

"No." He said.

I sat down, frustrated.

"Do you remember what I said to you last night?"

"I was drugged. Not stupid."

"I don't just hand that shit out to anyone Caroline. And with that, comes expectations that I will hold myself to. I will not just leave you high and dry. What happened was my fault. I got you in that. So I need to help you.."

I set my hands on my forehead and leaned forward. Lloyd got on his knees in front of me. I couldn't breathe right. I felt those same tears from last night ready to explode.

I moved to hug him. He set his hands on my waist as I gripped onto the back of his head.

"I'm sorry." I choked out. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to...Im so sorry."

"Deep breaths."

He moved me to the edge of the bed, hugging me tight. I let out a choked out sob.

Lloyd stayed right where he was with me for too long. Way too long.

Eventually he shifted. I pulled away.

"I'm sorry."

"Quit. You're fine." He said as he sat down on the bed.

I felt so stupid.

Lloyd kissed my head. "Get in bed."

"What?"

"You need sleep."

I nodded.

I carefully got under the covers. Lassie came in, jumping up and meeting me. She licked my face.

I quietly pet her head. She laid down on me, whimpering.

Lloyd left the room. I rested my head back, closing my eyes.

•••

I woke up to lloyd pulling me in. I took a deep breath, moving to rest my head in the crook of his neck.

"Hey. You really need to eat something."

I nodded. I just stayed there.

Lloyd rubbed my back. I smiled, leaning into him.

Eventually he helped me up. I rubbed my eyes, glancing at him.

"I'm really not hungry."

"I'm really not having this fight again. You're gonna eat and then you can go right back to sleep."

I sighed and got up, grabbing my water from my nightstand. I walked out with him.

He went to the door. A few seconds later he came back with delivered food.

"I can't cook." He whispered. I cracked a smile. He handed me a soup.

"I didn't know what you liked, so chicken noodle.."

"That's fine." I said. He nodded.

I carefully opened the little bowl. I grabbed the spoon from the bag.

"Oh yeah. I also got cake. It looked good."

"Is this your typical Saturday when I'm not around?"

"Takeout and I are best friends. Or my kitchen staff. I really like them."

I smiled softly. He was so cute.

•••

Lloyd and I sat on the couch. It was quiet. My mind was so loud though.

"Caroline."

"Mhm."

"You okay? You seem quiet."

I nodded, leaning into him more. He kissed my head, rubbing my shoulder.

I rested my head on his chest more, closing my eyes. I didn't really know what my process was for the next few days. But I had Lloyd. That's all I wanted. Him.