Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Yasmin》Dungeon

Dungeon by Ablazeisaleo

Reviewer: Owls1221

Title: 10/10

At first, I was a bit confused regarding the word choice for the crime and thriller genre. However, based on the other elements in the book (summary and cover) it gave me a different but a good perspective. It's a crime story with the possibility of involving the past (ancient or medieval past I mean), hence the word 'Dungeon' instead of modern words like prison or jail. In short, it's a really great title for this kind of story.

Cover: 10/10

The cover looks amazing. The colours and the font do match the theme and the plot. Also, it looks like a professional had made it and it seems like I might find this in a bookstore and I would buy it. With the sticker on the cover saying it's featured, it should be a really good story.

Summary: 10/10

The summary is on point. It gave a brief description of what the book is about while at the same time making the reader curious for more. Also, from my personal perspective, I was attracted to it more because it gave me an atmosphere that I enjoy reading. So it's not just the plot, but also the vibes in this book that grabbed my interest.

Grammar: 8/10

The grammar in the book was mostly good. However, there were very few errors regarding the placements of commas and the use of tenses. There were certain sentences that didn't need commas because they were very short and some were a little confusing. Like this example in Chapter 1:

X incorrect X:

"But his son, his only son's, life is at stake."

It's a bit confusing in terms of strange placement of the comma which would distract the readers and confuse them. It's best if it was written like this:

O correct O:

"But his son, his only son, was at stake."

Or

"But his son, his only son's life was at stake."

As for the tenses, you should try and use one tense per chapter. One paragraph was written in the past, the next paragraph is in the present. Sometimes, sentences themelseves have a mixture of past and present. Just like this very paragraph you're reading. To stop readers from getting confused about when the story is taking place, try using one tense, either the past or the present. Overall, I wasn't entirely confused.

Vocabulary: 9/10

There was a good use of vocabulary. However, there were few repetitions of not just words but also sentences. My only suggestion for this is to use as many synonyms as possible.

Spelling: 10/10

No spelling mistakes

Hook: 9/10

Again the cover, the title, and the summary gave me a certain vibe which gripped my attention to find out what this story is about. I'll explain more i theother sections.

Character Development: 7.5/10

I understand the MC's traits of him being intimidating and cold because of his past, but sometimes I feel like he's quick to act/judge/accept things? I understand that he's a teenager but I feel like he somehow doesn't have some kind of logic? (Spoiler here) The MC accepts the job offer just so he can get information about his family, but doesn't he worry about getting fired for his misbehaviour in the department? Especially on the day he's about to get interviewed? Yes there were times he tried to keep it cool but there should be some considerations the MC should have when committing certain actions in certain situations. That way you can raise the stakes and make it more interesting (and a bit more realistic?). This is just an opinion.