Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Claire》His Loving Eyes

Reviewer: ClaireMari29
Client: StarryyNightmare
Book Title: His Loving Eyes

Review:

Reviewer’s Notes: First of all apologies for the huge delay in review, yet thank you for reminding me about this as well, I can see that you gave honest feedback on my story and I do understand this as well, lastly I came to check your work after all, and I wanted to congratulate you for the worth of 2M reads and 30K votes, it’s like every Wattpad writer’s dream to gain such amount of reads and votes for the story as well! With this being said, the only thing I can remark on your work before I review this is that the cover was good-looking, and that’s the flaw of your work!

For now, I only came to read the first 5 chapters of your work, (His Loving Eyes {Cast} - Chapter 2), I could read more chapters yet I was out of time, perhaps I might add votes in your work if I needed to, yet please appreciate the way I added your work to one of my reading lists as I do find it good to read.

Title, Blurb, and Cover: 30

Congrats on getting the high mark, but yes, this category of your work was indeed a perfect 30, this is because I can see how the story title was true “His Loving Eyes”, judging by the way I read the blurb, the blurb is indeed good in the length, perhaps this is the first story I’ve read so far with a good and readable sneak peek of what will happen to the story, which was the key point for readers to admire your work, the cover like I said in my notes, it’s PERFECTION, it matches everything towards what the story title and the blurb had spoken in the first place.

Plot and Flow: 20

The plot and flow of the story are good, it wasn't fast nor too slow while I was reading the parts that I mentioned.

Grammar, Writing Style, and Vocabulary: 18

I found quite slight errors in both grammar and vocabulary, yet the issue lies within your writing style, I can see some conversations that weren’t ending with a period on the end, and some sentences weren't placed with a comma after the act, it required after all when you’re writing a story, at the same time, you dont need to add a period at the end of a single conversation, and I suggest adding such emotions to the characters, especially that you are using the first POV in writing this story,  let’s give it an example:

This is based on Chapter 2:
Heartstrong cleared his throat “Sir, We are not taking the company shares from you. You just won't be the CEO of the company”.

I glared at him “You think that’s  funny?”

Jack’s mouth was wide open for a couple of seconds. “Man I’m shocked, you know God?”.

Edited Version:
Heartstrong cleared his throat, “Sir, We are not taking the company shares from you. You just won't be the CEO of the company.”

I glared at him, with a face that shows the fact that they were serious. “You think that it’s funny?” I asked them, my brow raised.

Jack’s mouth was wide open for a couple of seconds and sighed in disbelief. “Man I’m shocked, you know God?”

Overall and Personal Enjoyment: 15

Overall your work was looking amazing, I do love the cover and blurb itself, as it speaks most of the story, each banner also makes the work flawless, which is also what I’ve noticed, I also liked how you added face claims to the characters, as it can help the reader imagine them well, yet the only problem lies in your writing style and grammar, I suggest proofreading it well or have an editor to fix it, despite of this being said, the story speaks wildly of itself as it got a lot of reads and votes.

Total marks: 83