Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Blazé》Extortioner

Reviewer: Blazé -taeyze-
Client: heavena7
Title: Extortioner
Review type: Public

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[PS: Reviewed completely]

Cover: 1/5
The image is fine, but what's with the font? The title of the book is so tiny at a corner of the cover image. The title is supposed to be in the center, big and visible to eyes.

Title: 1/5
Where did it come from? I can't say if it's a good title because I didn't even understand the story, sorry. But anyhow I think it's inappropriate because it doesn't go with anything mentioned in the story as far as I understood.

Blurb: 3/5
The content is good enough. But it'd be better to put it in different paragraphs; don't cluster them up in one. It doesn't look good that way. The quality is good too; alluring and curiosity driving. It sure made me want to read the book.

Plot: 1/5
I don't know what to say about this. It's not clear what exactly is going on. Don't just put very happy and very sad things randomly without defining why, how, where from and when it all originated. You need to give each element its importance. There are universal errors as well. You may not know, I suppose, but nowhere in the world can you work in two companies at the same time, no matter what. That's considered a crime. And you wrote about Kane working in 2 companies because he likes 'multitasking'. Oh, that's a huge plothole and a error in the character and the background. Many more such things revolve around the whole book which you must look out for. Don't offend the universal facts. Even though what you're writing is fantasy, when you're writing in the plain human system, make sure to get the facts straight.

Execution of the plot: 0/5
Obviously, it's not good at all. Good-? There isn't any execution, to be honest. I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but I'm not trying to be rude or make you feel bad. But whatever the plot goes, you've barely written 50 words for each scene. And this kind of plot that I think you are trying to execute needs an extremely descriptive writing.

The idea of the story: 0/5
What exactly is it? I don't know and neither could I figure out. The writing was so vague and one-liner that I couldn't even grasp what's going on and what's this all about. Perhaps Selene being a vampire and whatever she goes through.

Originality: 0/5
Since I can't understand what your plot and idea is, it's hard to say about it's originality, I didn't get it at all.

Writing Style: 1/5
The narration is  bland, with not much description which results in the lack of atmosphere and aura that is a must in fantasy. Also your dialog writing is faulty; don't write it as "she replies... yeah..." rather use the dialog specific narrative. You have provided the information about certain elements for example, the aura, in between the story breaking the flow. Instead, merge that information along with the story. In all, you need to change the writing style. Also, don't put questions in between like "Does Selene know about it?" or whatever. The way you've written it looks more like a long summary. Then when there is twist, you plainly declare it rather than arousing curiosity.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 4/10
There are some major grammatical errors, such as excessive use of ellipse unnecessarily, extremely short sentence framing and wrong dialog narrative. There seem to be quite many punctuation errors too. The vocabulary isn't very great either; it's way too simple for a fantasy book. Some majestic and complex themes and words are expected in a fantasy book, which I noticed lack in yours. Moreover, your work doesn't give off the vibes needed, in my opinion, and there is absolutely no description or even a noticeable effort to create the vibe.

Presentation: 1/5
There is nothing in this criteria, to be honest. Except the cover that did drive me to read the book, there is no other visual presentation. And textual presentation isn't even bare.

Flow & Pace: 2/5
Either it's too fast or too slow. The pace of the story isn't maintained. In the first chapter itself, the story went from an intro to the wedding and child and then a job. Take it slow, at least create the complete background of the story. Take a while to absorb everything before rushing to the next thing.

Structure: 1/5
The copyright is supposed to contain the originality and information about the book in regards of the author. A disclaimer, credits or other stuff may be included, but there's no need to include the synopsis in there. The synopsis is already there in the description, so you don't need to repeat things. About the "aesthetic characters" chapter, in Selene's character, just put things that describe her in a crisp and short way, and don't put those many questions you put there. In everyone else's character sketch, you put extremely less content, minimal one line; keep a proper format of a few lines that you may fill out for each character; that'll pose good. Rest of the structure about the story is very rushed, you may give each scene its required time.

Literary Skills: 2/10
Your work really lacks literary skills. First and foremost, it lacks imagery; which is a major component of a writing. Then it lacks descriptive writing. You have paced through scenes in just a sentence rather than creating the atmosphere and going through different things in that particular scene. You should be using some metaphors, personification, and related devices to enhance the quality too.

Characters: 2/5
The characters seem vague and no purpose seems to be present for them, not even the protagonist. This I can figure out, is majorly because of the lack of descriptive writing. This has severely affected the characters as well. I hope you can fix this.

Emotions & Development: 1/10
Again, vague. Same reason. I suggest you to try writing one scene in at least 100 words and describe the surrounding and the character's emotions nicely.

Reader's Enjoyment: 1/5
Apart from the very little plots and scenes, nothing else was there to actually enjoy reading. The whole book was more like providing a storyline to the reader rather than providing your story to them. I didn't enjoy it and just kept skipping.

Impression: 1/5
Initially, I thought that the book was going to be something real and it was gonna drive me insane with the quality and plots. But I was immensely wrong. All throughout the book, I could only catch flaws.

Total: 22/100

Strengths and Weakness: One thing affects the other. Your wrong writing style affected the execution of the plot, which could be really amazing if done well, and substantially affected the characters, their development, enjoyment and ultimately the presentation. Also, your books lacks the literary skills. The only strength I could actually say is the idea or the plot.

Final Note: Don't be disheartened. I apologize if I actually came out as rude, but that was far from my intentions. Considering that you've been a writer for that long, I suppose you should be aware of the basic writing skills. But there seem to be some problems in that so I recommend you to take your time and analyse your skills. Once you fix your writing style, I can say with surety that 70% of the book will be in good shape. I hope that my review helped you, and in case I offended you, please pardon me. You can contact me anytime if you need any help, I'll be more than happy to help you. Thank you!