Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Maria》An Earthly Restoration

Reviewer; marshaa1306
Written by: Ice_Kingt

Title/Cover - 10/10
Your title made me smile. It really got me thinking about its deeper meaning, especially considering your blurb says that the story will discover the origin of Saturn’s rings. To me, your title hinted that even though the story might take place in an unfamiliar place such as Saturn, it would still wind up being close to home. After all, humans generally live on Earth.
I like how your cover has a soft, homey feel to it. The colors are lively and remind me of a relaxing evening on the beach. It’s quite nice how you’ve included Saturn and the silhouettes of your characters as well.

Blurb - 7/10
I’ll give you this: your blurb definitely doesn’t waste any time! It’s super short and to the point. However, there is a lot that could be said that isn’t. Like pretty much every other story, yours features certain characters and a storyline. Those characters should be introduced in your blurb so your readers can start to get a read on them (see what I did there?). Also, you may want to give your readers a little more insight as to what events may happen in your story. Right now, you simply ask potential readers if they’ve ever wondered how Saturn’s rings were formed. I think if you expanded on this idea and incorporated/hinted at events in your story, it could draw a wider audience.

The Rest of Your Story
Since there’s just one part published at this time, I’m going to give you my thoughts on it instead of going through each individual critique point. I think judging your story on each point would be a bit unfair since the storyline and characters haven’t developed much yet.
I have mixed feelings about your first chapter. I like how you attempt to explain the backstory and setting of your story, but it is a lot of information in a short amount of time. You pack multiple “new terms” per se into just one chapter (e.g. stunk, Nelgery, Gnamma, S-26). I think it’d be better if you spread this story out over a few chapters or included it later on in your story when your readers are more familiar with the world. I would include more interaction between Zen and Raini in the first chapter to start shaping their personalities. As for the worldbuilding in this chapter, I would introduce maybe one or two terms in the word’s description so it’s easier for your readers to understand.
As to the technical parts of your writing, such as grammar and punctuation, you’re doing just fine. I found one or two small errors, but that’s not a big deal. No one is perfect.

Concluding Thoughts
I think that your story’s concept and writing are solid. Based on what I read, you have the capability to craft a wonderful story. Just focus on your characters, introduce your terms clearly, and keep on writing!

Total Score out of 100 - to be determined when more of your story emerges (contact me again if you’d like a full review later!)