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《Swaralee》Ryuko & Yuki

Reviewer: _Swaralee_

Ryuko & Yuki: Love Within Two Weeks by emoanimegirl999

Thank you for choosing me to review your book!
Review: Ryuko & Yuki: Love Within Two Weeks

Cover: 08/10
The cover is very clear about what to expect and what the story is about. My only suggestion with the cover is to put the book's name and if you want your name on it. It will make it look more attractive and better looking.

Title: 08/10
Using the main ship/main characters as the title is always a brilliant choice. It gets the attention of the readers. And it works wonders when the book happens to be fanfiction.
Blurb: 08/10

The blurb does its job to tell us about what to expect going into the story. There are spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, but overall it is fine.

Opening/first impression: 07/10
The first chapter, the first few lines, though told the story and started the narrative, didn't necessarily pull me in. Like I wasn't hooked. And I don't mean to sound like one of those 'writing advisers' people and say that the first sentence of the story needs to be impactful. However, at least the first five-six lines need to make the reader curious and care at the same time.

The first chapter was quite emotional. And I live for emotional and kind of heartbreaking stories. So that was right up my alley.

I felt bad for grandma's daughter and I felt bad for Haki. People died even before we got to meet them, but I still feel bad that they died even if I have no idea who they really were.

Plot: 07/10
I love the concept! I love the plot in general. Best friend's ex-boyfriend becomes your love interest? And he's kinda cute? Yes, please.

The few first chapters where Ryuko deals with the grief of the grandmother and is confused is believable and happens often in the real world. We get to know his character through that.

Dialogues: 06/10
I haven't read dialogues in a story book written the way plays write them. But it kind of works, not gonna lie. We get to know the characters and their personalities individually which is what dialogues are supposed to do.

Characters: 07/10
Ryuko growing up in a toxic household isn't something a child should ever go through, and I genuinely felt sorry for him. It was nice of Yuriko to kind of take Ryuko under her wing and treat him like family.

From what little I got to read about Ryuko and Yuki and their interaction, I did feel the chemistry between them. They are kind of opposite of each other and that makes it even more natural.

Quality of conflict: 08/10
The romantic conflict of the story is really good. Whenever there's a secret dating trope, I am personally very interested. Even if this trope is done before, your version is still very intriguing.

Writing skills: 05/10
With respect to writing style, I would suggest cutting the narration into paragraphs. It's hard and overwhelming to read a continuous string of sentences without a break.

The grammar needs more attention. The sentence structure, punctuations, etc. You haven't capitalized the first letter after every full stop.

Also, there's a lot of telling, not showing going on in the story, so that needs to be kind of changed. We need the readers to feel like the story is happening right in front of their eyes and currently that's lacking in the story.

The random bold, italics font isn't doing any good for the flow of the story. Please use them only when it's absolutely necessary.

I don't understand the appeal of using multiple exclamation marks and emojis, so I don't know if it was a personal choice because it couldn't have been to support the plot.

Reader enjoyment: 06/10
I have watched a few anime but this is my first time reading a fanfiction and I was pleasantly surprised with it. I enjoyed my time with it. And I'm sure there are many anime fans out there who will love your fanfiction as well.

Total: 70/100
Other suggestions: Heavy editing is required, and if you are new to writing a book and aren't sure how to edit, there are quite a few people and shops on Wattpad who can help you with that.
I really liked the plot on the surface level. And I feel very confident that your story has the potential to become a success. I'm rooting for you. I'm also rooting for Ryuko and Yuki to be together by the end!