Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Yasmin》Greed

Reviewer: Yasmin Owls1221

Greed by scrabblepost

Title: 5.5/10

In all honesty, the title is fine when you read the summary to have the context of the story, however, it’s somewhat similar to other stories that contain the same title which kinda makes it a cliche and somehow confusing regardless of the genre. For example, when I search “Greed” I can’t find your story but other stories with the same name yet different plots, there are also story titles like “The Devil’s Greed” or “King of Greed” etc. I think it’s best if the title should have some context as well to attract the reader and make your story at least distinguishable and unique, maybe by adding the name of the goddess or the name of the cave?

Cover: 5/10

I would say it's also fine, it’s not very good nor very bad, I just think it’s simple. However, maybe fix the size of some of the subtitles because some of them were hard to read or spot. Like the one at the bottom of the cover that says (what I think) is “The Cave Book One”, it was so small and faint I found it hard to read at first. As for the phrase at the side, I think it should be like this “More than the eye can see”, you missed the word ‘the’ and the eye in this particular phrase should be singular. That’s all you have to fix in the cover, the size should be a little bigger for the subtitle and the phrase should be corrected (unless you want it in plural form).

Summary: 8/10

The blurb is good actually,the style of it made me want to know the mystery behind Trisha’s father’s death, showing Aditya’s main goal from the start and how he’s committed to it. But I found it a little odd and confusing when I read the last line about a goddess. If Aditya doesn’t believe in fairy tales, how did he know it involved this goddess? And Why is he figuring out how to stop her if he doesn’t believe in magic or folktales? Maybe add a little more context to help the reader understand the plot better. You could add that maybe he’s forced to investigate this?

Grammar: 8.5/10

I would say in general that grammar is good, the meanings were clear and written according to grammatical rules. It’s just that there were some words that seemed a little odd for me, like for example how the sunlight is “piercing” through the windows, the sound of “cracking” after a person fell out of the window etc. Correct me if I’m wrong but I think the word choices here are a bit inappropriate because of their meaning, when you say the sunlight is piercing through the window, I’m getting the idea that the sun rays are acting like lasers and are heating/burning everything they touch. I suggest the word “piercing” should used for physical descriptions or actions. As for the word “cracking”, you can still use it but it has to be done in the correct way, because when you used it to describe Manik’s fall I got confused. The word crack itself means breaking or splitting something but not entirely, you could use it if someone for example is standing on a glass platform and it starts to crack due to the person’s weight, or you could use crack if an earthquake occurs etc. Not when someone is thrown out the window, instead you could use “break” or better “shatter” to emphasise the violent/tense moment. But still, overall the grammar is clear.

Vocabulary: 8/10

There were some good vocabulary used, however, I noticed that most chapters have repeated words. Such as spun/spin, trudged, brows knitted etc. The characters are always trudging, spinning and knitting their brows. I suggest using synonyms for these words, you could say the character turned around, or they strode towards the person or even say they narrowed their brows. If you’re having difficulty with synonyms, use WordHippo to help you find other words.