Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Maria》SAGEO: A Death Saga

Reviewer: marshaa1306
Written by: iMeGiNeSoN

Public Review
“SAGEO a death saga”

Story by @iMeGiNeSoN

Title/Cover - 9/10
The title is quite interesting. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I like how you set the tone for your story by calling it part of a “death saga”.
The cover matches the theme of death. It’s dark and gruesome, and the look on the boy’s face is merciless. My one qualm with your cover is that it’s difficult to read the word “Sageo” with how you’ve placed it.

Blurb - 8/10
I think I can see what you’re getting at with your blurb, but it’s tricky to understand the first time you read it. I had to read your blurb three times before I understood what you were trying to say. I think changing the wording of your blurb could help its effectiveness. For example, instead of having just the random dialogue, in the beginning, you can add who’s saying the dialogue, hence introducing your main characters. Then, when Hoseok stabs himself, you should reword it so it is more impactful.
Instead of what you wrote, I would word it something like this: “Die!” Hoseok shouted defiantly while stabbing a kitchen knife into his wrists.
When it’s worded in this way, it’s easily understandable and outlines Hoseok’s actions more clearly.

First few chapters/Exposition - 8/10
I’m not really sure what to make of the beginning of your story. The first chapter is all about Hoseok and his dire situation, and then it suddenly turns over to Pari and Hosu’s side of the story. I advise making this switch smoother in some way because it caught me completely off guard. I would also add a description of the setting earlier on so your readers can form a picture of it in their minds. Besides that, I think you introduce your characters and their lives decently.

Plot - 13/20
Your plot is all over the place. Most of the events seem random, they don’t connect to each other well, and they’re desperately hard to follow. Lots of the events were introduced randomly and without warning as well. I felt like I was being jerked in all directions as I read. I highly advise you to add literary elements such as foreshadowing to prepare your readers for what is to come. A way to do this is to imagine each event as a stepping stone to the climax of your story. Each event that passes should be connected in some way to other events and to the climax. This will focus your story more and give your plot a sense of direction. Otherwise, when some new event begins in your book, your readers will be left scrabbling for purchase like I was.

Pace - 10/10
The pacing of this story is fine and dandy. There are nice changes in pace as the story progresses.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 6/10
I’ve noticed that your story has a lot of unprecedented changes in tense. Typically, you switch from past to present tense when you shouldn’t. I advise reading your story out loud to yourself to catch these errors before they’re published.
There are also many random mistakes with your punctuation. In some instances, you’re missing periods at the end of your sentences. In others, you have too many or too few commas. To fix these sporadic mistakes, I recommend going through and proofreading your work or asking an editor to do it for you.
You misspelled the word “story” repeatedly. The proper spelling is S-T-O-R-Y, not S-T-O-R-E-Y.
Your writing is not very smooth in many areas of your story. When I’m reading it, it’s almost as if your writing is stuttering. This is another instance where reading your story out loud is helpful. Your ears will be able to catch the spots where the phrasing doesn’t sound quite right.

Characters - 15/15
Your characters are quite easily the best part of your story. Each one is unique in their own way and seems like he or she could be a genuine person. I also like how you’ve given each character a distinct set of strengths and weaknesses. In some stories, the characters seem to be perfect in every way, which makes them less believable. This is not the case with your characters. They are flawed like every other person on planet Earth, which makes their actions relatable and down to earth.

Overall Enjoyment - 12/15
This story was unlike other stories of this genre that I’ve read. I think you’ve latched onto a very intriguing concept for your story, but I couldn’t enjoy it fully in the current state of your novel. That being said, if you nurture this story and implement some changes, I have no doubt that it will blossom into a best seller. Good luck on the rest of your writing journey!

Total Score: 81/100