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《Blade》Keeper of Demonic Forces

REVIEW - KEEPER OF DEMONIC FORCES (BellaArtz)

REVIEWER - DeathBlade__

The first 8 chapters were reviewed

Title: 5/5
The title is great! Since the main character is Kira and she keeps a demonic force, it portrays her and the book's plot very well. I would suggest you not capitalize the ‘o’ in ‘of’ since while writing titles, you don’t typically capitalize words like of.

Cover: 4/5
The cover looks awesome! I love the font used and the color scheme looks really good. However, the text on the cover says ‘Keeper of the Demonic Forces’ even though the title does not have the ‘the’. It’s a very minute mistake but the first impression isn’t great when the title on the cover isn’t the same as the actual title. Another thing was that I see a weapon in the background but I do not know about its significance.

Blurb: 3/5
So my main concern was that the blurb didn’t say anything about the keeper of demonic forces. It’s there in the title and it plays a major role in the plot (obviously) so it would have been nice to read a bit about that in the blurb. You had one line where you mentioned new abilities but it didn’t have as much impact as it would have if it was at the beginning of the blurb.
In the first two lines, you mentioned humans twice. There is nothing wrong with that, I just felt that using different words would make it sound cooler.

Writing Style: 7/10
The writing style improved with every chapter. The first one or two chapters (including the prologue) were more telling than showing but you improved the writing a lot as the chapters went by which is great.
I have a few scenes which could have been written better listed down below.

Prologue: I know the prologue is only a bit of a backstory but still, I would have wanted to know a bit more about Kazue too. I get that she felt useless all her life and taking the responsibility would make it seem rushed but you could have shown some scenes where she’s thinking about it. No matter what, leaving an old life is a big deal, and her decision to keep demonic forces seemed a little rushed to me. Another thing was that she didn’t react at all when she saw the pool of blood. You could have showed her fear or shock, anything to let us connect to her.

Chapter 1: I don’t have anything in particular, but the whole chapter felt like hearing the story when someone is telling, rather than seeing it from Kira’s eyes. Another thing was that you had an introductory paragraph for Kira which was kind of abrupt. After the one paragraph, it suddenly switches back to the topic that had first started and I found that a little awkward. The chapter is written in first person POV so it gives you a lot of room to write her feelings in depth, you could work on that.

Chapter 2: So, Ares thinks that someone raped Kira because of how she was acting. But for someone who had those suspicions, he didn’t react much. I feel like you could have shown emotions through his facial expressions and how Kira felt about it. The scene where Kira acted as a shield for Demona was ruined by the humor. The way it’s written ‘At that moment it sounded much more cooler than what went down’, made it seem like she was narrating the story to someone else and added that bit so they don’t ask her if she’s okay or something. The next scene was very well written but because this was the previous scene, it didn’t feel all that cool. But there were major improvements in this chapter compared to the last.

Chapter 3: I don’t have much to say, but the emotions of Kira and the other characters were written really well.

Chapter 4: The writing is consistent to the previous chapter, which is great,

Chapter 5: I felt that Kira found the people held captive too quickly. You could have shown the adrenaline and the anxiousness as she looked for them, hoping she wasn’t being loud and other things like that. It was also very easy for her to enter the cemetery and find them. I mean these people were sending huge spiders as a distraction so that the hostages weren’t found and still, their security was little to none at all. I’d suggest adding more detail to this scene. Kira also fights with enhanced strength and a few skills. What are these few skills? We know that Lucifer enhanced her strength but that isn’t enough description. You could have described her movement in this scene.