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《Sam》The Girl Who Was Afraid

Written by: LucyAnnWrites
Reviewer: SamMariLu

Cover: 5/5
— The cover looks amazing! The fonts look so nice, especially where key words in the title are bolded or a different font altogether to emphasize them. It's a pretty simple cover, but that's absolutely fine because it's just beautiful.
— The girl in the cover depicts the Historical Fiction genre, and her clothing indicates the time period well for readers. Her body language is showing that she is distressed, which not only fits the title, but also fits the entire theme of the story. 
— My only criticism with this cover is that there is a bar at the top of it that's a different color. It's pretty subtle, and it's definitely not enough of an issue for me to take any points off, but I did notice it, and it did somewhat bother me. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Title: 4/5
— I absolutely love this title. Of course, it fits perfectly with the main conflict, and the word "was" actually hints that Cerise is able to overcome here mental illness. (I haven't read far enough yet to know if that's true, but the title implies it, so I hope so.)
— The reason I took off a point is because there are words in the title that should not be capitalized. Only the first word, the last word, and key words (usually words with 4+ letters) in a title should be capitalized. In this case, it should be "The Girl who was Afraid." I'm really just nitpicking, that's why I only took off 1 point. The title is really good other than that minor issue.

Blurb: 7/10
— The first sentence of the blurb didn't give the hook I'm looking for as a reader. The first part of the blurb needs to interest readers, and initially, I didn't gain much interest. 
— Cerise also isn't introduced with enough detail at the beginning. Only her first name is given right in the first sentence, and her fear is mentioned, but other than that, as a reader, I didn't get many details. It wasn't very clear what her fears were about exactly. Giving those details will save readers from confusion during the exposition.
— The rest of the blurb is very effective, until the last sentence. It's good to mention that leaving her house is best for her, and it's also good to bring up the orphanage. However, I don't think it's important to name the orphanage. The way it was phrased as well made it seem as if Cerise was going to the orphanage according to the plot, and it threw me off a bit.

World: 10/10
— Oftentimes, stories that take place in a time much different from the present will provide the date to clarify for readers. I am not opposed to having this detail, nor am I opposed to having the location given. My only suggestion is that you should be careful to not rely on those to show the setting. (This story doesn't seem to do this, but I'm mentioning it so that you know to watch out for it.) Readers should be able to get a general idea of the time period and location using clues planted in the story, which they will collect as it progresses. Readers, most likely, won't identify the exact date and city, but based on clues such as asylums and the accents mentioned in the story, they can guess that it takes place around the 19th century and in England.
— Giving details about the characters' clothing is a great way to give some context, and I love that you did that. And talking about mental illnesses as if the term has yet to be labeled is a great time period indicator. Certain terms, such as "mad," also indicate both date and location well. And, of course, specific technology mentioned throughout the story (for example, the oil lamp at the beginning) are great ways of showing the time period. Amazing job!

Plot: 18/20
— The exposition is very good. I love how well the characters are introduced, which I'll go into detail in more later on. The main theme of this story, Cerise's fear, is shown so well. Right from the start, it's clear that she is battling against her love for her uncle and her fear of illnesses and uncleanness, which is, of course, OCD. And her OCD is portrayed so well, it's clear that you have done your research about it, which is crucial when a character has a disorder. Very well done!
— I also love the main conflict: Cerise's uncle dies without assigning a guardian to her in his place, so she must overcome her fear and go outside to find one. Very unique conflict, and it sets up for some amazing character development. I would, however, like to offer a suggestion to you. The entire concept that her uncle did not assign a guardian to her is rather important. I would absolutely love that concept if it was a surprise to me as a reader. While reading it, I remember thinking that it was a critical point, and I felt like it was supposed to be kind of a twist that contributed to the main conflict. I feel like it would make the start of the rising action more interesting if that detail is only revealed after he uncle dies.

Characters: 7/10
— The characters' appearances were given very early on in the story, which is great. I love being able to visualize the story, and the descriptions make that easy to do. I wish there were more reminders about their looks later on, though. Many of the characters—if not, all of them—were described when they were first introduced, which is great. But most of them were not described at all from that point. The problem with that is most readers can forget these details as the story progresses—I know I did! So you should add in subtle reminders every so often for the readers.
— Cerise's OCD, as I said before, is shown very well, and you do an amazing job of not giving it away directly.

Content: 4/10
— The chapters are quite short, and for a story like this, they should definitely be a bit longer. I think some chapters can even be combined. 
— Going along with that, I think the pacing is a problem. I felt that a lot of the scenes went by slowly. There were multiple chapters, all in the same day. While I think it's okay to have some chapters within the same day, that's only if that day is very important to the story and lots of crucial details are written. In the case of the chapters I have read, that doesn't entirely seem to be the case. Yes, the day her uncle dies is very important to the story, but there are three chapters taking up that entire day. I think some of it could be combined, or some details could be removed to make it flow faster. Essentially, when I read it, I felt like the story wasn't progressing much. I would consider which scenes are crucial to the story, and only include those. Then, I would see about either combining some chapters and maybe shortening them to be around the same length as others that are not combined.

Grammar: 10/10
—I have hunted for grammatical errors in this story, and even as a registered grammar nerd, I haven't been able to find anything to critique. It's honestly flawless! 

Writing Style: 10/10
— Right from the start, the writing style is very on point with the genre. Since it's a historical fiction story, the target audience tends to be people that associate with greater vocabulary in writing, and this story achieves that well!
— Your use of tone in the story is incredible! When Cerise is around her uncle, the diction suggests her terrified, desperate feelings. Absolutely amazing!

Enjoyment: 7/10
— I enjoy the concept of this story—especially the way Cerise's OCD is detailed—and the writing makes me want to continue reading it. However, the pacing made it feel tedious to read, so I think that made it a bit less enjoyable

Overall: 82/100
Absolutely amazing story! I love almost everything about it. I think, once the pacing and character description issues are sorted out, this story will be nearly perfect. I'm excited to see where you take the story from here!