Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《June》Azariah

Reviewer: june_berrin

Client: -sapphiris-

Thank you so much for giving me the chance and the trust to review your story. I enjoyed it very much.

❥ Cover/Title: The cover gives off a calm vibe and is unique. The title on the cover is readable. The elements on the cover thoroughly blend with the setting and have a good-quality picture in use. I love the colour scheme used and how attention-grabbing it is. The title was suitable for the story as it is named after the main character. Overall, good cover and title.

❥ Blurb: The blurb follows the usual Wattpad book blurb format by introducing the characters and giving the readers an insight into how the story might play out and how much character development is to come. It is one of the fastest go-to methods of character development as the readers quickly grasp what type of personality the characters hold along with a bit of background, which is good.

Personally, the first part of the blurb, which was a scene from the story, kind of gave me the ick. It gives me the feeling that this story deals with a more smug and flirty type of plot like many of the other Wattpad books, which is not what it is. This is completely a personal view of mine, and I do not think everyone else is going to take it this way, even though I recommend that you replace it with another context or use none at all. Other than that, the blurb fits well into the story genre and gives us a gist of the plot. And if I were to point out my favourite quality of your blurb, which is that it appears a bit chaotic, that makes it stand out, especially how the leader of the kidnappers was surprised to meet her; it sent me on a fit of giggles.

❥ Storyline: The storyline was well-thought-out and unique. And the prologue was so well written that I was instantly drawn in and wanted to know what happened. It was such a tragic incident narrated so beautifully, especially in the last sentences. The mood, the emotion, and the setting were so well described that I was able to visualise it like a movie.

But the problem is the heavy contrast between the prologue, the first chapter, and the second chapter. It is a bit upsetting; the prologue was alright, but the first and second chapters were a tad bit more of a problem in this case. Especially the difference in mood and the setting of both. I was completely confused about what was happening, as the two of them had no strings of connection or so. I would recommend turning chapter one into chapter zero to solve this problem. The current prologue is great, but I want you to see if it is needed or not.

❥ Content: Your plot was a bit slower than average, which is alright. Each chapter has proper content, and every chapter except for chapter one follows each other. I love the comical scenes added to the story. And the story was well written with a good writing style.

❥ Characters: All characters had very contrasting personalities. I love how Azariah's character was developed and was very relatable to the readers. The comical personality of Azariah is what I love the most, as it is often a personality most prominently installed into the funny side of the characters, so this gives it a different outlook. And when chapter five hits, things start to get very dark, which is proportional to things becoming very interesting and hooking. And to be honest, Azariah's behaviour was very likely because many playful people I have met often had very dark backgrounds. Even though I don't know if that was intentional, it just makes Azariah's personality all the more fitting. Plus, I love how the male character was developed into someone respectful and lovable rather than some brat. And all the other characters were very well developed and introduced into the story.

❥ Vocabulary and Grammar: The vocabulary is good, and there weren't a lot of grammatical errors. I would recommend writing dialogues in separate paragraphs when the speaker changes, for example:

"I want that," Ryle said.

"No, you don't," James said.

This is how you should write dialogue to avoid any confusion. Plus, there were a lot of punctuation errors, especially when writing dialogue where you use commas in place of full stops and vice versa. I would recommend proofreading each chapter before publishing it, using Grammarly, or maybe opting for an editor so that all such mistakes could be avoided.

❥ Reader's Enjoyment: As a reader, I would say I have enjoyed the story. It was a great plotline and a nice trope that you used. Keep it up.

❥ Conclusions: A great story with a lot of potential. I advise that you do some editing and squeeze in a bit of setting here and there so that the readers can easily visualise it. Furthermore, I would like to apologise for the long delay, as I had to deal with some personal issues. Overall, I wish you luck and hope that my review has helped you better your story. Remember, I may have given you a lot of suggestions, but those are from my point of view, and as you may be aware, everyone has a different point of view, so please don't take any of these to heart. If I have hurt you with my words, then I apologize. I hope you have a great day.

Best Wishes!