My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 58

"What are you thinking about?" Kurt asks, breaking the silence that has taken place for the past hour. 

I shrug my shoulders and look down. "I don't know."

"You can't keep doing this, K," He sighs. "You can't keep ignoring me. We had something up there and now you're just shutting me out."

"It's not all about that kiss, Kurt," I turn to my right to maintain eye contact with him. "It's everything. It's all that happened. I fucking cheated on Cash and you cheated on Courtney. There's no going around this. I'm going to have to break up with Cash. Are you going to break up with Courtney? Most likely not."

"Wait," He pauses. "Why wouldn't I?"

"You have a family, Kurt. You need to keep that family together. I know you. You're going to do everything in your power to make sure that you guys stick together."

He doesn't say anything. He's just stressed out now and I can tell that he wants to punch something. He never would. He wouldn't do that around me. "What if the family is falling apart? Then what do you do?"

My eyes widen. Is he referring to Courtney and Frances? "You try to make it work."

"Well what if you keep trying and trying and nothing's working?" He asks. "Then what?"

"I don't know, Kurt." I don't like how he's throwing all these questions at me. "I don't know."

For the rest of the car ride, it's just silence. Which isn't that big of a deal because we were really close to Krist and Shelli's house anyway. When we arrive, I take my suitcase out of the trunk and walk inside of the house with Kurt right next to me. 

Kurt reaches for the doorknob, but pauses. "Are you going to tell Cash about what happened between us?"

I shake my head. "Not just yet. I'm not ready."

He twists the doorknob and the door is surprisingly unlocked. We walk inside and Krist immediately jumps off of the couch, Shelli following right behind him. He engulfs me in a hug and rubs my back. 

"God, are you okay?" He asks, pulling away from me. 

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to answer. If I do then I know I'll just cry. 

"Move," Shelli jokingly shoves Krist and then hugs me. "Sweetiepie."

I furrow my eyebrows. Sweetiepie?

"Thank you so much," Krist hugs Kurt. 

"It's no problem," Kurt lets him know. 

Shelli lets me go and I go to sit down on the couch. 

I try not to think about what happened, but it's impossible not to. I keep replaying that one moment in my head. I think about what I did wrong and what I could've done differently. Maybe if I had just payed more attention to the map instead of fucking around with him, I could've prevented that moment. 

My father would never hit me for no reason. He always does it because something happened that I caused. This time, I caused us to be one day behind on our skiing trip. 

"Cash is on his way," I overhear Krist say. 

I whip my head around to look at him. "On his way here?"

Krist nods his head. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well he's worried about you."

"Did you tell him about what happened?"

"I just told him that you had to leave early and that you're here right now."