My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 37

Seattle, Washington

September 13, 1991

Shelli and I step out of the car simultaneously and approach the Re-bar. We have just arrived at the release party of Nirvana's new Nevermind record. 

I was going to dress up and wear something nice, considering the occasion, but I knew that Kurt wasn't going to-I would feel like an idiot if I got all dolled up and he didn't. So, I ended up just wearing one of Kurt's sweaters and a pair of jeans of mine. 

Shelli, on the other hand, did her makeup and put a slim black dress on. She looks very beautiful and I know that Krist is going to be very proud of her. 

She's supported them since day one. She's done a lot to help them out and expects nothing in return. That's a true wife. 

"Are you nervous?" Shelli asks me. 

"No," I giggly, partially lying. I am a little nervous, but that's just because I know that there's going to be a lot of people which makes me extremely anxious. 

We walk inside of the bar and I'm immediately hit with the stench of beer and sweat. The air feels very...muggy. It's surprising since the party didn't even start that long ago. 

Shelli notices my discomfort. "Yeah, it's almost hard to breathe."

I smile at her and follow her down the hallway which leads to a separate room, away from everyone else. As soon as we enter the room, I see Krist, Dave, and Kurt all standing next to each other. 

How did she know that they were going to be in here?

Kurt smiles as soon as he sees me. He rushes to my side and kisses me, holding me as I lean back with only one arm. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Of course," I pull away from him, afraid from falling. "So...why are we all in here when everyone else is out there?"

"We needed a second to collect ourselves," Krist says in a goofy voice. "Out we go!"

He marches out of the room, towards the party, and we all trail behind him. Kurt snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. 

Kurt's physical touch never fails to send me a shock throughout my body. He's much more gentle with me than Ethan was. Ethan would be more aggressive when he would pull me into his side, but Kurt did it with such grace. It was as if I was glass and he was scared of breaking me. 

There were people conversing all over the bar. Others danced in the middle of the floor. Kurt grabbed a drink and filled it with beer, then we stood in the corner, away from everyone else. 

"Why aren't you enjoying your own party?" I ask him and stare at the poster of the naked baby swimming in the water, trying to reach for a dollar bill that's hanging on the edge of a fishing pole. 

I had seen it before, but very briefly. I never took time to really look at it. How did they get the baby underwater and it not drown? What would've happened if it drowned?

I'm surprised that their record label allowed them to use this cover, due to the baby's penis hanging out. I wonder if they would allow that same thing, but if the baby was a girl. 

There's a big difference between penises and vaginas-Kurt and I had a conversation about this. We both agreed that it's as if society views penises as gross and ugly, but something that you could just whip out and it'd be funny. But with vaginas, they're almost sacred in a way and you don't seem them very often. They're not as talked about nearly as much as penises are.