My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 41

January 15, 1992

Seattle, Washington

The Crocodile Cafe

I walk inside of the cafe after hearing all of the cheers and claps of the audience. I didn't want to go inside of there at the same time that Nirvana was playing-that would make it awkward for everyone. 

As soon as I walk inside, I notice how crammed it is. Everyone is still cheering and I look straight ahead and see Dave and Krist walking off of the stage. I sigh in relief, glad I didn't see the other member. 

"Kaitlyn!" I hear someone yell my name. I look towards my right, towards the noise. I see Shelli bouncing up and down, waving her hands up in the air. 

A smile spreads across my face as soon as I see her. I push past everybody and make it over to her safely. She hugs me as soon as she sees me. 

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" She exclaims. 

It felt that way. I got a different job as a realtor. Surprisingly, they don't need any college education. I've been working there for the past three months. I've been able to afford myself my own condo in Olympia. I haven't had a lot of time to visit Shelli, despite how close she lives to me. 

I let go of her and smile. "I know!"

"Okay, listen, I know this might be awkward, so I'll let Krist know to get Kurt out of the room and-"

I zone out after hearing Kurt's name be said. I haven't heard his name in so long. After we broke up, I rarely talked about him. I didn't want to dwell on the past; it was already hard enough as it was and I needed to move on. 

I moved out of Krist's and Shelli's house in November, so I haven't heard his name for two months. Sure, I thought about him constantly-more than I should.

I've had no luck in the romance department. I've tried to go out on dates, but I always found myself looking for something in them that reminded me of Kurt. I once when on a date with a man with shoulder-length blond hair just to remind myself of Kurt, but he was completely different. I don't even remember the poor man's name. 

"Kaitlyn!" Shelli snaps her fingers in front of my face to grab my attention. 

I come back down to Earth. "Sorry, I zoned out."

"I can tell. Are you going to be fine seeing Kurt?"

I contemplate on that. I don't know how I'll react if I see him. "Umm, I'll be fine." I decide that I need to be mature and move on from the situation. 

Shelli guides me towards the back of the cafe where everyone is. I try to keep my mind off of Kurt, despite how nervous I am to see him. I think about Krist and how long it's been since I've seen my big brother. 

I've seen my mother a couple of times over the past months and we've talked about Krist. She misses him terribly. I've gotten closer with her and we call everyone once in a while. It's nice to have a parent to talk to.

Before I know it, we're right in front of a door and Shelli knocks on it. I get knots in my stomach, just thinking about the thought of Kurt. 

We haven't talked to each other since the night we broke up. We've had no reason to. 

I do know that Nirvana blew up very quickly. Shelli always talked to me about how surprised Krist was at how successful they were. But, I always went out of my way to ignore it since it would always remind me of Kurt. 

I never turned on M.T.V. and I never looked at the magazines. I never even went inside of record shops. In fact, I haven't even listened to music because it always reminded me of Kurt and when he would show me music.