My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 45

"I don't know," I rub the back of my neck after explaining my encounter with Kurt a couple of nights ago to Shelli and Krist. "I just feel like I'm never going to get over him."

"That's a problem, Kaitlyn," She says. 

"I know," I groan, hating that she's right. I want her to tell me that I still have a chance with him, but that's not Shelli. 

Shelli likes the perfect lifestyle: two people that fall in love and get married, then have kids. 

Krist, on the other hand, has a completely different perspective. "Everyone hates Courtney."

"Do you?" I ask him. I've tried to convince myself to ignore Courtney and my curiosity about her, but I want to know all about her. I want to know what she looks like, how she acts, everything. I want to know why Kurt is attracted to her. 

"I have my opinions," Krist shrugs his shoulders and helps Shelli put away the groceries. "She does a lot of heroin. I bet you that her and Kurt are shooting up today."

"Krist!" Shelli shoves Krist. "That's not okay to say. You know how Kurt feels about that."

I grow confused. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Nothing," Shelli quickly replies, glaring at Krist. 

"Do they do drugs?"

"A lot," Krist mouths, then smiles after realizing that Shelli didn't hear him. 

I get a sick feeling in my stomach. Just picturing Kurt doing drugs makes me feel uneasy. I know that he did them occasionally while we dated, but he stopped as soon as I found out about it. He stopped for me. 

Why was he doing it now?

"They invited us for dinner tonight," Shelli adds, then glares at me. "All of us."

I raise me eyebrows in confusion. "Me?"

"Yes you," She replies. 

I shake my head. "I cannot, under any circumstances, go to dinner with them."

"Come on, Kaitlyn," Krist rolls his eyes. "It's the nice thing to do."

"No," I say firmly. "I'm not going."

                                                    ------------------------------

We arrive at Kurt and Courtney's apartment. It's a fairly nice apartment. It's not too big, judging from the outside, but it's also not too small. 

I want more than anything to be anywhere else right now. I don't want to see the woman that Kurt fell in love with. I don't want to see her. It's just going to make me feel worse about myself. 

I don't have any confidence in myself due to everything that I've endured from my father and everything that he's told me. Kurt helped me gain some of that confidence back, but I know that this whole night, I'm just going to be comparing myself to her. 

Courtney. 

Her name is Courtney. 

Courtney's a pretty name. Most pretty names belong to pretty girls. 

I bet Courtney's way prettier than me. 

"I'm getting it!" I hear Kurt holler from the other side of the door. 

I hear the latches click and my body reacts. I tense up and start shaking. Kurt opens up the door and smiles as soon as he sees us. 

"Hi guys!" He steps aside and lets us in.