My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 18

"Did that kiss convince you to stay?" He puts his hand down and smirks. 

"Kurt, that's not what I meant," I smile, but part of me knows that it did. It's terrible of me to think, but I can't stop thinking that way. I thought that I was only thinking these thoughts while Ethan was gone, but I'm still thinking about Kurt in this way while Ethan is here.

"So do you want me to walk up to him and tell him?"

"No, Kurt, please don't," I'm begging him at this point. "That would just make things ten times worse."

He stands up. "You have until tonight!"

                        --------------------------------------------

We're all getting ready to play monopoly after dinner-Kurt, Ethan, and I. Krist and Shelli are buying ice cream from the store really quick. I look at Ethan and he's laughing and having fun. I'm about to ruin that happiness for him because of a stupid moment that I allowed myself to have. 

"Ethan," I somehow muster up the courage to say. I've said his name over ten thousand times in my life, but this time is the scariest. "C-Can we talk?"

He furrows his eyebrows, but scoots his chair backwards as he stands up. "Yeah, where should we go?"

"The bedroom is fine," I say softly as I walk inside it. 

I can feel Kurt's eyes on me as we walk away. 

I don't bother closing the door because part of me is worried with how he's going to react. I know that he's not going to get physical with me, but I don't want him to be too loud with me. 

"What is it?" He asks, his back facing the inside of the bedroom as mine is facing the outside of it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I take a deep breath in, then out. I'm terrified and shaking profusely. I'm so nervous as to how he's going to react. 

"Katie, hey, just breathe," He puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to calm me down. 

That just makes me cry. He's trying to help me when in reality, I'm about to hurt him. 

"Ethan, something happened while you were gone," I whisper, crying harder. "And I'm so sorry. I didn't even mean for it to happen."

He takes his hands off my shoulders. "What are you fucking talking about, Kaitlyn?"

I bury my face in my hands, sobbing harder and harder as every second passes by with the fact that I know that I have to tell him about what happened. I wish that I could take it back. I wish that it never happened. 

"Kurt and I-" I choke on my words, my tears holding back my ability to speak. 

"Kurt and you what?!" He raises his voice. "You guys did that?!"

"I kissed her, alright?" I hear a voice from behind me say. 

No, no, no. 

My heart drops. 

I look up at Ethan and see his face fuming with anger. His cheeks are a tomato-red. "YOU DID WHAT?!"

I plug my ears and shut my eyes, instinctively. 

The yelling. 

My father yelling. 

I can hear him yelling. 

I am brought back when I hear Ethan tell me to get out of the way. I look up at him and notice that I'm blocking his way to get to Kurt. 

"Ethan, I get that you're angry," I slowly stand back up. "But things do not have to get physical."

"Don't fucking say that," He glares at me. "Things don't have to get physical? Things got physical with you two!"

"Hey!" Kurt shouts. "She didn't do anything, alright?"

"Why did you kiss her, huh?!"

"Because she was going to leave and I didn't want her to. I knew it was a bad fucking idea."

Ethan's eyes furrow and he looks straight into my eyes. "Wait, wait. That was what he did to convince you to stay?! Holy shit!"

"No, no!" I shout. I knew that he was going to assume that. I fucking knew it. 

"Oh my God, I'm going to fuck you up!" He points at Kurt. 

"Ethan, don't," I tell him. 

"Stop talking, Kate!" He snaps at me. "Just fucking stop!"

I start to cry harder. I want to be upset with him for saying that to me, but I know that I deserve it. I brought this onto myself. 

"So this is what you do while I'm gone?" Ethan asks me. "Oh, my fucking God! Kurt, I'm going to beat the ever-living shit out of you!"

"Ethan, if you hurt him, I'm going to break up with you," I shout out, not even expecting myself to say that. I would say anything at that point just to prevent him from saying anything of the sort. 

He takes a step back, surprised by what I had just said. 

I can't help but wonder what Kurt is doing through all of this. Is he even showing any emotion? Is he just continuing to taunt Ethan?

"Ethan, look, I'm sorry," I tell him. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm leaving, Kaitlyn," He walks towards me while grabbing his suitcase. "Please get out of the way."

"Ethan," I sob. "Please don't leave."

"Kaitlyn. I'm going to ask you one more time. Please just move."

I step to the side and just let him walk right past me. I don't even know where he's going, but I have a feeling that he's not coming back. 

Right as he's about to walk out the door, Kurt sighs and says, "Phew! Glad I avoided that!"

Ethan throws his shoe to the ground and walks towards us, punching Kurt right in the nose. Kurt holds his nose as Ethan walks away. 

I'm too in shock to move. 

"Don't worry, Kaitlyn," Ethan spins around right before he's about to walk out of the door. "You don't have to break up with me. I'm breaking up with you."