51 | Paralyzed

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Seaside, California April 26, 2013

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Seaside, California April 26, 2013

Eleanor

MY mind drifted into darkness. Whatever flicker of hope I had to get out of this hell vanished when I found my mother. I never wanted to feel anything again.

But here I was now back home in my kitchen, the daylight streaming through the window. My mother and brother were sitting at the table with me eating to what appeared to be breakfast. It was strange being here. 

I felt like I was looking at them through a window pane, even though as I looked around I was inside the house. 

Was this a memory?

I heard the sound of a door opening and slamming shut. I saw myself walking into the kitchen, looking like I was about 14 or 15. I still wore those hideous round glasses with my hair in that unflattering ponytail I put it in every day. My uncle followed right behind me with his arms full of bags. 

Then the memory changed into night, we were celebrating my brother's birthday. We were all singing and laughing. Then more memories started flashing by, I saw myself getting older. I still stood in the kitchen, with friends and family entering and exiting. More birthdays or parties that were thrown here flashed by. 

Why was I seeing all of this?

Then the motion stopped and it was night again. How everything looked and what my mother was wearing now told me this was my last day as a human. She was getting something out of the fridge, the corsage she got for me since I was going stag. 

It had beautiful white roses on it with a silver ribbon through it to match my dress. She lifted it up, a huge grin on her face as she started walking toward me. I couldn't even breathe, seeing her so alive and happy started making me want to tear up. 

Then I saw myself walk into the kitchen, looking completely embarrassed. I didn't know what to feel of the dress I wore, it was long and silvery. It just about dragged the ground, but I hadn't put on those horrible heels yet. 

"Mom you didn't need to get me that," the memory of me said, her face flushing red. 

My mother just smiled and beckoned her to raise her wrist up. She did so reluctantly.

"There! Now you are all ready!" my mother chirped.

"I feel like an overstuffed peacock," the old me remarked. 

"Wait till tomorrow, you will really feel like one then," my mother grinned. 

Ah yes, my birthday everyone was so excited over. I dreaded it, my mother had plans to give me a traditional initiation into the coven like she had when she was younger. All day tomorrow we would be dancing and wearing white with flowers in our hair; which I wanted no part of. 

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